Captains of Crush

Tasmania Waters

2012-01-25T14:28:00.009+11:00

First trip of 2012.

It had been 3 years since I was last in Australia's bastard state, 3 years too long really. Both this time round and the last were both under a very similar premise. That was; as a way to get motivated to come back from injury. Both times however I have found it difficult to climb there. Probably more to do with my lack of technique than actually being fresh off the reserve's bench.

I flew down with Ash Hendy and promptly made our way to Freycinet National Park, planning on climbing at The Star Factory. A slightly overhanging orange granite wall, positioned above postcard bay. What a venue. After some awesome weather on day 1 we ended up having to bail early due to a Northerly blowing salt water all over the cliff. Amazing to witness the process of cloud formation right in front of us, but disappointing we walked an hour in only to find the rock saturated.

I had heard of an area down south near Port Arthur that could be good this time of year, if the swells weren't too high. This was confirmed by (Simon) Young Gun via text. So off we shot, hitting the Mt Brown walking track the next morning. The Paradiso was our objective, with promised overhanging dolorite right on the Tasman Sea. The climbing here was fun, sort of juggy sidepull action, and somewhat pumpy. Some of the routes up the middle were about 30m long.

We decided to climb 3 days on due to a shitty forecast, yet this proved to be more like half days due to getting to the crag around 3pm. We managed to get up a few routes all the same.

Highlights;

Ash - Retrograde Amnesia, 26
Me - Captain Jack, 29/30 (whatever that means - I'll take 29)

Andy Richardson put up Captain Jack in 2010. It is super cool but very atypitcal for the crag with sharp crimps and a flat blocked boulder crux. I'm stoked to do it as it was completly wet and subsequently chalk (beta) free when we arrived. It took me 2 attempts to figure out how to clip the 3rd draw without killing Ash or hitting the ground - basically just had to hold the sharpest hold a bit longer. Then a further attempt to figure out the crazy roof. I tried everything to avoid the kneebar but alas I succumbed, like an Ol' Seadog to the Siren's song. Eh, anyway it went next shot.

Wrap up - Awesome week away, yet it wasn't long enough. Next time will be for a month, with a rack next time.

Psyched to get to the Gramps though!!

-Grosey

Here's a short iPhone/shoe video of Capt. Jack.

Ash @ Bluestone Bay - Day 1

Sleepy Bay - View from SF Approach

The Paradiso, Mt Brown Area

Me getting a little close

Fat thing with stool up her arse.

Bring On 2012

2012-01-08T17:02:00.011+11:00

Well its that time of the year again when people start jogging around the block, give up the booze, try to eat better or give up smoking. It is the time of new beginnings and turning the other cheek. Or is it another leaf?? You know I'm terrible with that sort of thing. We all know people who perform this almost religious ritual every year, however how many resolutions actually are maintained? Probably not many.

Another annual event that that usually ends in disappointment for most is NYE celebrations. Hype and expectation inevitably ends in early nights at home, ridiculous crowds of intoxicated heroes, or some lame house party hosted by a friend 4 times removed. For this reason Al and I decided to put on a NYE bash at Mt Arapiles. It had been 3 years since our last and about time we hit it up again. We had some expectations and we definitely had the hype (Horsham checkout chicks were talking it up), yet where others failed we totally kicked arse. As you are probably aware, we like to dress up. Not always in dresses mind you. We needed a theme. Something that would inspire some shocking outfits while promoting an inclusive feel to the party. 1980's - the decade with probably the best 'Shit to Hit' ratio regarding music and fashion became the theme. With some help from the crew, the shelter was turned into a retro 80's night club, complete with decor, lights and visual projections including Monkey Magic and Jim Henson's the Storyteller. Awesome. As a surprise Al and I decided to have a best dressed trophy awarded - it was put to the vote, and our very own Philby came away with a win. To an adoring crowd, Phil managed to do a knee slide down the concrete ramp and then do a strip show. Nice one mate, pity about your grazed up old man knees the next day.

So after a bloody awesome night of some retro hip hop, alternative and electro we welcomed 2o12 with sunrise in the wheat fields - no better way I tell you. Hell followed as we had to endure a 42 degree day in the Wimmera. Most of it was spent lying about at Al's place in Nati, then the afternoon cooling off at Horsham pool with the crew. All in all, a wicked night.

Phil, Alicia, Ash, Al and myself pre NYE. Photos - Nina Ginsberg

First sunrise of 2012

Being on leave and about 4.5 months post injury (A4 rupture) I took the opportunity to hang about for a week with Al at his new abode in Natimuk. A great week it was, living the cruisey country lifestyle. Although it was stinking hot we got some climbing, bmx riding and fishing in. Highlight was catching a rainbow trout by the tail haha gold - tasted great!!! I also spent a few days teaching Jasmin the ropes, as she'd never climbed outdoors before. It was a good way to get back into climbing, by doing some enjoyable easier routes that I had done perhaps 9 years ago. On our last day of the trip, Jaz and I meandered up the 5 pitches of The Bard grade 12. Later that afternoon Al came out and belayed me on Break and Enter on the back of Uncle Charlies. A cool fridge slapping problem, perfect for a hot summer's day. Topping out on this route was a great finish to wicked day and an awesome week. According to Al and Phil it also means I'm officially back off the bench, and an encouraging return at that.

Jasmin on The Bard traverse

Psyched for the warm-up, Spasm in a Chasm 25

As for New Year resolutions, I'm not a believer however this year I am looking forward to several things. Climbing well and injury free, roadtrips locally and abroad but I mostly look forward to hanging out with great mates and enjoying the little things in life. Happy new year everyone and crank hard.

- Grosey

2011-12-02T19:21:00.001+11:00

The Part About Life aka The Vortex.

I was warned. ‘What ever you do, don’t get stuck in thevortex!’ they would say. Or maybe it was ‘Welcome to the vortex’. Either way, Idon’t see myself as stuck…..yet. There are many though trying to keep me here.Do I swim against the immense pulling force, or just go with it and enjoy theride?

So, by the ‘vortex’, I mean the every day attraction of lifehere in Natimuk. I’ve been here just over 2 weeks now and I am finding that itis sort of like Fight Club. The first couple of rules “YOU DON NOT TALK ABOUTFIGHTCLUB (Natimuk)” seem to prevent people from knowing exactly what it is orwho is in it. This only becomes evident upon entrance to the club and immersionin the life. But just like Fight Club, once it has you, it’s hard to see yourselfanywhere else.

My days so far involve a fairly interesting job in a soilscience lab at the DPI in Horsham performing all sorts of evil, maniacalexperiments in chemical weaponry. I also test soils for their phosphorousconcentrations. With aircon, regular coffee breaks and a workload typical of agovernment run operation i.e. slow and small, and the chance for me to indulgein my fondness for chemistry, this should be a pretty good way to earn a crustover the summer.

Afternoons are spent either climbing at the mount or goingover to someones’ place for dinner and socialise. It was pretty cool to headout after work last week, knock out 3 pitches in a couple of hours, and be homeby 8:30pm to cook dinner and put back a couple of beers. It’s sort of overwhelmingwhen it comes to deciding what to climb now that it’s so close. If I were tocome out for a weekend, I would know before I even left Melbourne the routes I was going to do/try,and would stick to that plan. But now, with so many routes 5 minutes down theroad and ample opportunities to climb them, I can’t make up my mind what to do!

I’m pretty lucky to be renting a room from Gareth Llewellin.A top notch guy from QLD, and a proper socialite I must say. Through him and Marissa,I think I’ve met most of the climbers in town in the first week! Also stayinghere is Douglas Hockley, which was a funny surprise because I was climbing withDouglas in Melbourneway back in 2005.

But no matter how convenient the climbing is, how social thepeople are here, and the fact that I am actually doing a job with a sense ofpurpose for once, there are still times I yearn for Melbourne. To be sitting in the back yard atthe folks place having a chin wag with mum and dad. Beers with mates on Brunswick St. Imiss the people. And if I think hard about it, it’s the small moments with themI miss the most. The grind of the week, the traffic, the sensory overload ofthe city, all cancelled out by a few hours with friends and family. It was apretty amazing year for me. A huge turn around from the dark place I was inlast year. I had some pretty special people in my life over the year, new andold. They all helped me create a happier and healthier existence for myself. Somethingone can never forget, or begin to pay back.

So here I sit, on the edge of the vortex. On the one hand,everyday is one of peace and calm. Great people, friendly vibe, and awesome climbingjust down the road. On the other hand, my friends and family back in Melbourne. The jury isstill out as to where I will land.

Good times with Joshy before leaving Melbourne.

I miss great moments of joy like this with my mates.

Dark, moody blues rock at the Nati Cafe on a Friday night.

My humble abode.

- TheBigAl

2011-12-02T18:55:00.001+11:00

The Part About Climbing aka Frothing Like Someone Who Has Rabies.

BUT! This is a climbing blog too, so I guess I shouldmention some climbing stuff. With the car loaded I rolled out of Sunbury headedfor southern Gramps to meet up with Arnie and Saunders and co. Arnie had beenraving about this new bouldering cave he had found and I was keen as mustard tocheck it out. However a late departure time from Melbourne and long drive around the top meantI got to the car park just as the two of them had walked out. With Arnies “pisseasy” directions I headed off in search of the cave, but ended up gettinghopelessly lost for a couple of hours. The good part about this though was thatI found another big, steep cave of solid rock and outstanding potential forsome good, hard bouldering. It was nice to finally get a win in the search fornew bouldering. I have become a little bit tired of bush bashing into chosscaves or blank walls.

I did eventually findArnies cave getting up a couple of the problems, and the following weekendreturned with Simon, Christof, Jules and their respective families for prettyfun day. This cave is a pretty amazing feature, with long, steep roof problems,on great rock, all topping out. Perfect!

Last week I managed to finish up an old route I tried a fewyears ago called The Great Escape, 28.In a little gully around the corner from Punks, I managed to fall off a move ortwo from the top twice before snagging it. The top entails some awesomeArapiles wrestling, knee-barring and body shuffling up a bit of a corner. Notso much hard moves, but what a workout! I love those sorts of routes.

Simon and I also had a day on Phils route ‘Rhythmic Pumper’,where I pumped off twice at the crux at the last bolt, but Simon crushed it onhis 6^th shot of the day with some new beta. Top route Philby. sureto become a classic.

So what else. It was a bit hard to find partners this week. Tuesdayheaded out to a route/boulder/traverse Gareth showed me that was done by DaveJones and used by a few of the locals for training. This rising, overhungtraverse goes for about 15-18 meters slanting up at 45 degrees and slightlyoverhanging, with the ground following you up. Its probably about grade 25, anda great way to get fit on your own.

And yesterday (Thursday) I went back out there with old mateBrendan Abernathy to try some new boulders I found. In an afternoon I put up 3new problems. Spunk Bubble, V6, starts in a roof and pulls a cruxybulge to top out a good 10 meters up on a fun easy headwall. Judge Mental, V7, takes the left edge ofthis amazing steep prow, while The Lone Deranger, V8, takes a right hand line of the prow, and could possibly beharder, the shorter you are. It’s steep, wide spanning sloper slappinggreatness. The line through the middle of the prow will be proper hard, butwill be a fucking classic!

So that’s it really. I’ll just leave you with some photosfrom the last few weeks of things. It’s Friday, so it’s down to the café fordinner, beers, socialise and then climbing tomorrow!

Arnie in a rare moment tied into a rope.

Busting the first move in the roof (Yes! Roof bouldering at Arapiles) on Spunk Bubble, V6.

The bulge crux of Spunk Bubble, V6

Brendan looking to squeeze his guts out on the 2nd ascent of Judge Mental, V7

The burly double underclings of Judge Mental, V7

Fridge hugging sloper action on The Lone Deranger, V8.

- TheBigAl

Movin' and Shakin'

2011-11-07T15:41:00.000+11:00

So its November. Winters done and dusted. Primo bouldering is out the window. And for me, schools out, for summer. After stringing together a couple of good months bouldering and feeling fitter, the looming end of semester assignments and exams got the better of me and low and behold I slithered away out of the light of humanity and buried myself in books. For the last say, 6 weeks, I've been hit with vicious hayfever, flu like virus and general I-can't-be-fucked-ness while grinding out the last of my school work. Happy to say however that first year is done and dusted and its back to happy days and socialising!

Big news is that I'm moving to Natimuk for the summer. I was very fortunate to get a job with the DPI Soil Science division in Horsham assisting in the lab with chemical analysis of soils. OK so that may sound as fun as paint drying to most, but to me its a pretty sweet gig after having completed only first year chemistry. So in a couple of weeks from now I'll be relocated and calling Arapiles my local crag, hiding away in the shady gullies over summer.

Joshy and I were out at Gramps too for a couple of days on the long weekend. Driving up late Monday arvo, we got all dressed up for the Halloween party at the campground. Needless to say we both got a bit wild, most likely embarrassing ourselves infront of strangers, but hey, since when do either of us give a shit about that sort of thing!

Who's up for a bit of the old ultra-violence then hey?

Arse-Pirate Will!

All kids love clowns, right?

This kid was an egg beater I think. Probably should have beaten him with eggs instead.

On a side note, I would just like to remind any of the 7 people that read this blog, to take a look at our pal Simons blog, http://blockmonster.blogspot.com/. Arnie is definitely the most prolific boulderer I know, and without him there would be a great less enthusiasm in the scene. I would single him out as my biggest inspiration in climbing. Always motivated, generous, enthusiatic, he is a bona-fide frother! Just don't challenge him to fooseball or table tennis.

So, with the temperature rising, the sun shining, the days getting longer and chicks skirts getting shorter, summer is on its way back again. Summer means stinking hot, dusty days in the campground, dogging routes in the cool of the gullies, icy beers and BBQ's, and music festivals. Ahhhhh, its festival season again......

- TheBigAl

Rhythmic Pumper

2011-10-03T23:22:00.001+11:00

A quick little vid of my new route.

Douchebag of the Month - September

2011-09-29T22:27:00.007+10:00

'Allo 'allo,

It is time for this month's coverted 'Douchebag of the Month' award. It has been ages since we have handed this one out, last being Gay Dave a couple years.

Without much futher ado, the award goes to.......................................

Big Al!!!

Nice one mate, we new you had it in you all along. You had this one in the bag when you stylishly (as always), ditched your car in a ravine. Oh should I say put your car in a ditch while driving out from the ravine.

Either way you put it, Al was bogged good and proper. With no practical way out, Al managed to wave down a passing farmer using only the whites of his upper thighs. Thank goodness most olive farmers are quite partial to such delights. Next morning the Suby was pulled out by a Big Tractor and a 30 meter snatch strap. OH how homoerotic!

Check out Al's pictures below. xxx

These boys didn't get the 'Smoke is Bad' Memo!

Yeah, Al's car is so bogged it has started growing roots!!

- Grosey

Just Another Blogpost

2011-09-26T16:54:00.002+10:00

Welcome back to another installment of the CoC blog, sure to be a brilliantly biased blurb coupled with belittling banter, henceforth to be besieged by bitching bitches who wouldn’t know a brontosaurs from a bullfrog and spend all their time bantering like buffoons with a mouth full of ballsack in internet forums... For the record: 8a=29=HVSexplanation=5.13dx^2 x 45% of your vertical height/BMI ratio...
Moving on.

After yet another controversial blog post by the man with no brain-to-mouth filtering mechanism, I felt I better keep this one simple. There has been a fair bit happening over the past few weeks. Spring has arrived, the days are slowly warming up and there seems to be more and more people in the campgrounds. I like to call them the “fair weather climbers”. You know the type, they only get away when the temp is between 18-25 degrees, with a light south-south westerly breeze, no more than 45.875654% humidity and their horoscope tells them that they are living a life less ordinary wanking away on plastic in the gym.

The reason I bring this up is that I recently competed in my first ever comp. I finished equal 4th and was pretty happy with that. I can’t say I overly enjoyed the experience, if anything at least I had a decent training session. I think I’ll stick with route setting in future, way more fun! What astounded me though were the results. There were a lot of very strong climbers in the comp, but I rarely, if ever, see these guys out on the rock. I have to admit, watching the eventual winner of the comp literally hike his way up everything he tried, I sat there pondering what I could do with all that power? How much easier would my project feel if I could simply hang the crux hold with one hand? I wonder if I could trade him something for it seeing as he really isn’t using it? Would my old Sega master system cut it? With great power comes great responsibility Peter Parker, so god dammit use that power and go crush some shit on real rock!!

What I am trying to say is; there are a lot of super talented climbers in Melbourne who seem to only climb in the gym. Now, I am not an old timer by any means, but I remember when I started climbing there were people climbing every single weekend of the year. Freezing cold, pissing rain, 45 degrees and 98% humidity, it didn’t matter. People were just psyched to get on the rock. These days, the Melbourne climbing scene seems to have disappeared and the number of people who are psyched to head away on the weekends is a low as I can remember. It’s time people, get out of the gym, get on the blocs, get on the sharp end, take some falls and enjoy the privilege we have here in Victoria with access to some of the best climbing in the world. You might just come to realise the amazing experiences you are missing out on.

Speaking of real rock, here is some cool stuff that has happened in the past few weeks.

Tassie lad Mark Polinski was in the gramps recently leaving with a haul bag of ticks, sending routes up to 29 including a nice flash of Venom (28) and swag of boulders up to V10.

The D’laide crew have been busy on the blocs also. Big Bad Bilbo Baggins has been putting his 6’12” 250Kg frame to good use sending 100 Pound Club (V10), Race Eater Original, the cop couldn’t make it and collision course (all V9). The second strongest midget ever to visit the Grampians (after Logan Barber) JT, has been in good form also, sending Krusty and Annagrama (both V9). The enigma that is John Smith, AKA Redanon, dispatched the “Impossible, it will never go, F%$k this problem, piece of $hit” Rodeo Girl (v7/8) and the seldom repeated critical mass (V8).

The man, the myth, the cripple; Arnold Wheeler is quickly recovering from a full knee reconstruction. Knocking over a host of repeats up to V9 including a crag tick of Alby’s new Jungle Boulder. He was last seen doing some extreme top roping at Spurt wall. Pete “The Raven” Reynolds, strong as always sent the 3 star Butchers choice (V10) also. Now if we can just get him up Iceberg! Ash Hendy must be psychic and have read my mind last week, a long time gym crusher, she was last seen cruising Dial a Lama (24) and putting the draws on pretty much every route a spurt wall. Great to see her having a crack!

Still waiting to hear some news from the recent rockstar invasion, but heard on good authority that Alby’s classic “The Eagles Nest” (V8) finally got a repeat. Suspicion about the grade is rising as it seems that unless you can boulder V15 (a-la Nalle howestrongisthatkunt), it’s impossible.

The crag kids team AKA the “Red-Caps” comprising Toby Polcap and the Kent “Red duck” Paterson have also been firing. The duck sent Serpentine packing last weekend and also cleaned up the last of his VD land projects. They also made a coup ascent of the classic Archimedes principle (26). Toby polcapper has clearly been eating too many pies as he managed to completely rip of the finishing dyno flake on Le petit mort at the Gallery, nearly severing his leg in the process.

As for me, I am proving myself to be the king of the “almost Send” at the moment. Over the weekend I managed to fall of the last hard move of both Fabios Route (29) and my soon to be classic Mt Zero project Rhythmic Pumper (Probably 29). As frustrated as I was, I know I have to stay positive, after all, I got a new highpoint on both routes, refined some beta and I know they will both go down soon. It’s just a matter of time. In the meantime it’s back to the gym, but only until the weekend.

See you out there!

Still here....

2011-09-20T23:01:00.000+10:00

G'day dear readers. Again it's been some time since my last post. I know that you have been logging in here over the past couple of months. Eager to read more of about what has been going on in our little world, yet signing out only partly satiated. My apologies.....I have been otherwise occupied.

Philby, only a few days ago sent me a text message. This is not all that unusual, however the content of said message made me feel a little uneasy. I had been reminded of my lack of CoC posts of late and in particular the omission of a promised trip report from my adventure in Rocklands. My enlightenment was slightly soured by the realisation I had been back in Melbourne for close on 6 weeks, and in this time had done little more than work and drink too much alcohol.

Why had I not been climbing? Why had I not posted any news of my trip?

Well I can partly answer these two questions with the one response. At the end of my trip in South Africa, 3 days before I was to fly back to Melbourne, I sustained a trip ending injury. I was attempting a problem called El Corazon, made famous by D. Woods FA on the Progression video. Long story short (short story long in upcoming report) I completely ruptured the A4 pulley of my right ring finger. Before you mumble away doubting the injury as it is an unlikely ligament to strain/rupture, I have the pain and scans to prove it. Not to mention the audible popping 10 of us heard on the day. This injury has since been cause to stay away from climbing for a while. I was in top shape, climbing well I thought, so it was a cruel end to an otherwise awesome trip. This hiatus also included inter web dwelling (of the climbing kind - porn is still fine) and hence had not bothered to write anything up.

The second part of my response is a little more contentious and directly relates to why I have avoided a blog that I hold dear. Not long before I travelled overseas, I had posted an update of my past 12 months or so. If you didn't read it, think of it as an '80's style teen montage, where the dorky would be hero paints his billy cart and lubes up the hubs before impressing the girl etc etc. In this post, I made mention of my training schedule that had helped before the State Titles and preparing for Rocklands. While not a supreme athlete in any sense of the word, some people may have found what I was talking about of interest. Perhaps this is because not a lot of Melbourne climbers have any idea about structured training, or it could be the fact I have great hair and look good without a shirt on.....I'm at a loss.

Either way, I mentioned that I had been traveling down to Bayside Rock in Carrum, a trip that takes up to 90 minutes if I leave from work where I had already been for 10 or more hours. Crazy perhaps, but all for good reasons that have since been removed from my entry while I was away. I am not going to repeat what I wrote at that time verbatim, there is no point. However what I did do was to critique a gym in Melbourne that I have had a long standing relationship with; being involved in its construction, an employee and ultimately spending countless hours training there. I use the word 'gym' but I could easily substitute it with "product", "service" or "brand", all terms loaded with a sense of public exposure. My critique was of the end result the public can utilise, and NOT as some may have believed a personal attack on the owner of said gym.

That said I will not apologise for opinions that I have more than once expressed personally to this particular individual as both employee and later as a customer. In fact the idea these opinions, which I made public so as to help improve the gym, have caused such a stir propels me to stand by them all the more. If the creators or owners of products and services did not value public opinion and as an extension criticism there would be no need for online surveys, product testing and other forms of market research. They know the importance of feedback, both the good and the bad. For without this information, their products or services cannot hope to be improved, or to meet standards held by the public.

As you may have gathered, and individual took this feedback of their gym (a public entity) as slander, as though it was a personal attack. As a result I have been informed (by a 3rd party) that I'm no longer welcome at this gym - I hadn't trained there in perhaps 12 months anyway. It also caused enough consternation among the members of the A-Team still in Melbourne, that it was deemed necessary to remove the blaspheming material. This my dear friends was rather off putting and may be why I have been hesitant to blog of late. Phil and Al were only minimising the damage potential, however this throws mud in the face of why we had a blog in the first place......to have a laugh, share our views of the Melbourne scene, enlighten the public of news that goes under the radar and of course, stir up shit. I dont remember awarding Gay Dave the Douchebag of the Month for falling out of a cheatbar because of calf failure being deemed an offence or a personal attack. Yes more tongue in cheek than my opinions of a gym, but far more personal.
Alas I am rambling and ranting.......maybe I'm just getting back into the groove.

So back to the present. I will endevour to read through a journal I kept from my Rocklands trip and once I have digested that I will post up some sort of rant about how good it was. It was really fucking awesome by the way. It will be another month or so before I am going to consider testing the finger out.In the mean time might start hitting the kettlebell and rings, break out the drill and bolts and get back into it. Or I could just have another beer.

In other news, Dave Graham and Nalle HowthefuckIspellhisnameAL? were in the Grampians. Awesome. I didn't meet them or chase them around like a star fucker puppy dog either. That all said, I'm very impressed that they did some significant walking and exploring in search of new boulders. Hopefully the projects they completed and found can spur on the Melburn Massive a little this spring. Rowan 'Rosey' Druce has taken some time off work, and has been in the Grampians of late. He has bouldered up a storm, repeating some of Al's, stating they are some of the best in the area. Most notable of his trip though was a repeat of PUNKS INTHA GYM 32......Awesome work mate!! Another local mutant, James Kassay has repeated the WHEEL OF LIFE V16, This is highly off tap if I can continue in my now excited spray gangsta talk. James is now the 4th person to sign his name in the leather bound book at the cave's exit. Some may say 'its about time' I say shut up that thing is hard, and I took him a lot of physical and I dare say mental effort. Those things get done when they are ready, not when they are about time.....does that make sense? If not that is okay with me as I'm now cross eyed and ready for bed. Nice work Jimmy K - make sure you keep an eye out for his new underwear line coming to an arse near you.

Peace out -

Grosey

Steel on Steel

2011-09-09T22:47:00.001+10:00

Another one

2011-09-08T22:48:00.001+10:00

Easter Bouldering Vid

2011-09-08T18:42:00.001+10:00

Thought I'd upload this here for those who missed it on facebook.

Spring has arrived!

2011-09-05T16:43:00.001+10:00

Well! What a stretch of fantastic weather it has been! All of last week I awoke to beautiful blue skies and gallahs screeching away at Stapylton Campground. Each morning I would rouse from my car, put on the coffee, and smile. I pretty much had 7 days of this, aside from one cold cloudy morning and one night spent at Arnies Acres. I wont bore you with every minor details of the week as each day was something different, be it sending some new boulders, trad climbering while Josh was bolting, bush bashing and exploring or spending a great day with rad people climbing easy sport routes at the Sun Deck. Every day was a fresh injection of a different reason to go climbing. Damn it sucked when the week came to a close.

Anyway, my time away was spent with some pretty cool people at various points. Joshy and our mate Tim Nelson came up for a couple of days of taking photos and hanging out to begin with. Arnie made an appearance too camping with us for a couple of nights. 6 weeks after a knee reconstruction and the old master is already back out climbing. We both had a lovely day out at the Sun Deck climbing a whole heap of suprisingly fun sport routes. Each route when climbed was proclaimed to the pick of the day, until the next one was. Joining us were some awesome folk from Sydney. Ren and Meg, and Rowan and Jules. It was a pleasure to get to share coffee in the mornings and beer of an evening with these guys for the week. Old mate May and new mate Blake rolled into Ararat on the bus for a few days, then ole' blighty Tom Haigh appeared at the end of the week.

I finished off a couple of projects at the new boulder I found, now dubbed the 'Jungle Boulder'. Below is a quick topo I drew up on paint.

To find this cool wall, walk up the tourist track past Trackside. When you get to the Butchers Choice Boulder, continue along the track for approx. 100m. When you get to a small boulder in the middle of the path with a yellow triangle painted, look left. You should be able to see the back side of the boulder, which is a big slab. I've also built a little cairn here and a little path.

Conga Fury V8, sit starts with left hand low on arete and right on a rad crimpy pinch in the face. Hug and slap your way to the top!

Liza Machete V7, starts low, right hand on big high edge and left hand in slopey seam. Pounce to the pocket and topout left.

Steak Knife V1, stand starts in pocket and traverses the lip to a funky rollover manouver.

Inca Steppa, V9, starts low with obvious left hand edge and small right edge. Gastons, sidepulls, and front stepping is the dish served up here.

Above: Me almost exploding my brain on an attempt at Inca Steppa V9 (Photo: Tim Nelson)

So, whats next? Well I'm booked out with other stuff for the next few weeks, so it will just be a whole lot of training. Uni assigments are coming thick and fast too, so I better get them sorted. And its just hit spring! So time to put the pad under the bed and get the rope out for some routes! The hype is still up on Punks. Rowan knocked it off the other day, so psyche has built again. Had a crack at Bossanova on Afterglow wall too. Man it felt good to be doing a lot of moves in a row again, and getting some air time lol.

I think thats it. I can't find my phone which has some more photos on it. When I do I will upload them. Now though, its back to studying organic chemistry nomenclature for tomorrows test......

-TheBigAl

The Burnley Revolution

2011-08-25T11:25:00.015+10:00

Hello there happy crushers. I hope your Thursday is treating you well. I thought I would share a little story with you. Enjoy...

A few years ago, I was training down at the Burnley Bouldering wall quite a bit. Having been involved in the initial development and route setting I was always a big fan of the setup and thought it provided a great, free and easily accessible training venue for Melbourne climbers. Unfortunately, after a few years of heavy use, the wall, and the holds, were starting to deteriorate. Climbing on some holds in particular was akin to climbing on polished glass. Speaking about a very popular route on the beach in Thailand called The Lion King, a friend of mine once exclaimed "I felt like a 400 pound gorilla on ice skates" after time and time again slipping of the polished footholds. In it's current state, Burnley was starting to have a similar feel.

The final straw for me came with a bone jarring fall flat onto my back after slipping of two of the biggest jugs you have seen since Pamela Anderson hit our screens on Baywatch back in the 90's. A meeting was set up with the VCC to talk about the future of the wall and how it could be improved. The main objective of the meeting was to discuss how to get the holds cleaned and new routes put up. Unfortunately, for whatever reason, this was deemed "Impossible". We were told it would take weeks and a large amount of money to achieve what we were asking for, and in no uncertain terms that the wall would remain as it was, forever.

As you can imagine, this was extremely frustrating for those who had worked hard to set up this great facility. Why build a modern climbing wall, if you don't plan to ever re-set the problems???

Driving to the Grampians on a Friday night with my good mate Timmy Le, we got talking about the situation at Burnley. Timmy had played a major part in getting the wall up and running, organising all the steel, preparing design drawings and doing the welding. He was even more frustrated than I was. Out of the blue, Timmy said "I still have keys to wall you know?!" At that I moment, I distinctly remember looking at his face; I could see the cogs in his brain turning and I knew what he was thinking, because I was thinking the same thing. A wry smile came over his face and I knew what he was going to say before the words left his mouth... "Stealth Mission"

We started talking about how we could sneak in and re-set a single wall under the radar. What tools would we need? How many people would we need to help? What if we get caught? A dozen or so phone calls later and we had another eight or so eager participants in what had by this stage been dubbed 'Team Action Direct', Vive La Revolution!

The following Saturday, under the cover of darkness our team of mercenaries arrived at the Burnley wall at 5am. We had the 45 degree wall stripped by 7:30am. Using a borrowed trailer and about $15 at the local carwash, we had the holds cleaned by 9:30 and the wall fully reset by mid afternoon proving to "the man" that he was wrong. An entire wall, stripped, cleaned and new problems set in a day, organised in less than a week and at a cost of around $15. Personally I spent another $15 on coffee that day but that's a different story.

Afterwards, my good friend Kent "The Red Duck" Paterson (I use that term loosely), wrote a humorous little story regarding our exploits on Chockstone that I thought would be worth posting here.

I must say that i am mighty concerned about these developments.

As a regular user of this facility, i was unaware of the disruption this "unscheduled route setting" would cause. My good friends Yuji and Francois travelled all the way from southern France to sample this great wall. It has quite a reputation on the international circuit.

Anyhow, we had just started to commence our 36 move warm up circuit on Saturday morning, when we were confronted by 5 hooded individuals at approximately 5:30am. I introduced myself, to try and ease the tension. One balaclava adorned individual parted ways from the pack to greet me. His steely glare hidden by a rather feminine set of spectacles.

I greeted him in a most friendly manner.

"Bonjour gentlemen"

He sneered back at me.

"What are you looking at mate ?!"

Ï responded,

"We are trying to train for Beijing 2012, but your problems... they are very... shall i say, easy"

Grinding his teeth and raising his voice.

"Well, this ain't Paris mate and I sure ain't going to take cheek from a mofo such as yourself. It's time to rack off frogies, we are going to mess some s#it up".

Francois and i were in shock. We had never experienced this type of behavior on the streets of Paris before, nor heard such crude language in a public arena. Francois was so upset at this point that he decided to cancel the circuit and leave immediately.

"Í will not put up wit zis behavior". He then proceeded to walk to Victoria street, to eat croissants and escargots.

Yuji on the other hand grew up in downtown Tokyo, and he made it clear that he wasn't going to have a bar of this heavy handed behavior. He once told me that he worked in a gang as a youth. It's a legitimate career for wayward youths in those parts. He's division was in the procurement and sale of drift-cars to overseas clients. If there was one thing that Yuji learnt from this brief stint, was to never let your guard down. Ever.

My heart skipped a beat. Yuji had just fallen off the circuit. 33 moves out of 36. He knew that this spelled the end of the day, and possibly the impending European circuit in two weeks time. To say that he was unhappy was a massive understatement.

Yuji rose from the ground pointing at a yellow uncarved block hold.

"Yis hold, i am zure it moved".

He was right. It seemed that all the holds were now moving. The holds were being removed from inside the wall. Yugi was furious that his session had been rudely disrupted and he would no longer be in peak condition for future events. He bolted to the back of the wall. And removed his toothbrush. Or what seemed to be tootbrush, it actually doubled as a flick blade.

*Crash... bang*

He charged the offenders but was soon overpowered. His ninga like reflexes were no match for four trained thugs awaiting him, allen-keys in hand. The flick knife dropped to the ground as Yuji began his retreat. Jumping into the Yarra, he began doggy paddling across the river leaving me alone at the scene.

I jumped to the flick knife, knowing that it was my only chance to get out of this hell hole alive. However, like a scene out of a lifesaver competition, i was beaten to the prize by a more athletic competitor. His decidedly small hands were quick. I knew that wrestling with him would prove fruitless, as allen key bandits were still on the loose. I quickly rolled onto my feet. Months of parkour training in London had made me as nimble as a quail and ready for such a situation.

I dashed from the scene. Before i could escape i felt a distinct tug on my jeans.

Close my friend but no cigar, i thought. As i heard him crash into the concrete path.

As i looked back on the scene i saw the common thug laughing in delight. He had captured our only guide to the area. Like confetti at a wedding, the PDF was ripped up and thrown into the Yarra, as the thugs screamed in unison.

"Viva la revolution!!"

Testing out the new board

2011-08-24T14:44:00.001+10:00

YouTube Video

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:Sunbury sessions

The great woody of the west, up and ready for a pull!

2011-08-23T20:53:00.002+10:00

Me almost up the wall in 2 moves hahaha

Philby hustling his way up the problems.

4th day on, and poor Al's tips aren't too happy..... (artwork care of Alicia Neville)

The woody is finally up and running at my place. Tonight we popped it's cherry. I can foresee many hours spent out here in the coming months.

-TheBigAl

A taste of Spring

2011-08-23T12:22:00.004+10:00

We have been fortunate enough to be treated to a taste of some amazing Spring weather the past few days, with perfect climbing conditions on offer. I hope you have all been making the most of it and getting out on the rock! Days like these make it even harder to be at work than normal.

The big news of the weekend was Horsham lad Graeme Dick making use of the primo conditions by sending Ethiopa (30). A fantastic effort especially considering he climbed the whole route 2-3 times before sending only to fall just shy of the top in the final roof crack. The original "Gaylord Norman" has been in fine form of late dispatching Tourniquet (30), Final Departure (27) and a swag of other classics out at the mount. Clearly, living in "the sham" does have it's perks!!

Alby has had a ripping few days in the Gramps and been a busy little beaver putting up new problems and scrubbing new lines. I'm sure he will be posting an update soon with some pictures, but at the rate he's going, he will probably need to update the already out of date bouldering guide as well. :)

Personally, I had a ripper of a weekend out at the mount with my lovely wife. We spent two days climbing classic after classic up at Central Gully LS. Highlights of the weekend were Pebbles (22), Straw Dogs (22), Squeakeasy (22) and Horoscope (24). I think I had forgotten how good Arapiles was, so many classic at all grades. Squeakeasy in particular has got to be one of the best (and hardest) 22's going around. I would love to get out to the mount more often, but I always find it hard to drive past the Gramps.

By now, every man and his dog has heard that we have a few visiting Rock stars in the Gramps. Dave Graham and Nalle Hukateiavelailell have been sampling the delights of our backyard. No news yet on sends, projects or new lines, but I'm hopeful that they can leave their mark on the place by dispatching a few of the amazing open projects on offer, both on the blocs and of course the wall - Taipan.

New things and old things in The Grampians

2011-08-23T12:22:00.001+10:00

Ok so quick update while I'm sitting here at uni. The last couple of weeks has seen a flurry of activity around the boulders out Gramps way. I found a new wall near trackside, doing a sweet fridge lifter arête called 'Conga Fury' which I think might be about V8. Theres a hard looking crimpy project next to it that i tried briefly and will return to next week. Also nabbed the 2nd ascent of Ravens 'The Oyster' V8 after a very thorough brushing of the pressout at the top earlier that day.

Scotty 'sparky' Clarke continued the charge of the 'new fathers club' knocking off 'Butthole Surfer' V9/10 and 'Amniotic World' V9 in a quick trip out with his son Euan and the Trapperzoid. Philby almost did 'Body Eater' V8 too that day.

This weekend just gone I got out to Legoland where I added another problem called 'Starstruck' which was pretty fierce. Named in honor of the 20+ people up at Hollow Mountain Cave that day, gave that one V9. Also tried a new bulgy number to the left to no avail. Will be back for that one soon :)

Also managed to get out to Burnside for a morning with the ginger ninja and his pal Kade(?? Sorry bro terrible with names) where him and I both did the 10 out there, as well as adding some rad warm up problems in the cave go the right.

Anyway, I have the next 3-4 days here in Melbourne then it's back out to the blocs for about a week thanks to mid semester uni holidays. WOOOO SPRING BREAK!!!

-TheBigAl (via his iPhone. Geek!!)

Gorges du Tarn - 2011

2011-08-15T16:15:00.020+10:00

I had always wanted to go climbing in Europe, France in particular. As it is for many, Ceuse was the destination of choice. A world famous crag of immaculate streaked limestone in a majestic setting, what more could you ask for? A plan was hatched to set off on a 5 week trip starting in mid June 2011. This coincided nicely with my wife Alicia heading off to the good old US of A for a month of swinging & debauchery with a few girlfriends.

I had heard from quite a few people that Ceuse can be a very busy crag, especially in high season, and the more I researched the more I started to worry. I love climbing for many reasons, meeting new and interesting people being one of them, but as your mother always used to say “Everything in moderation”. I wanted to go on a climbing holiday, somewhere amazing, somewhere new but also somewhere I could relax, enjoy the climbing and not worry too much about anything else. I wanted to be able to try any route which took my fancy and go for a red-point when I felt ready, not when it was my turn. Finally after re-reading the Pleb’s epic trip report (http://captainsofcrushaustralia.blogspot.com/2009/09/second-best-cliff-in-world.html), I began to realise that perhaps Ceuse wasn’t what I was looking for this trip.

One cold weekend away in the Grampians with Grosey, we got talking about his euro-crusher tour of 2006. He had spent a month in the Gorges du Tarn during his trip and raved about the place, it's setting and giant 50 meter pitches of limestone pumping up imposing, and often run out walls. The next few days found me trawling the internet for as much information as I could find on the tarn. It didn’t take long for me to realise that this was a world class crag, and after looking at countless images and reading a few articles on the place, I was sold. How was this place not already on my radar? A little bit more searching revealed that within 20 minutes drive of the tarn, lay the Gorges de la Jonte and Gorges de la Dourbie, both of which have hosted Petzl Roctrip's in the past, so there would be no shortage of great climbing to be had.

Gorges du Tarn guide, climber on Les ailes du desir (8a/29) on the cover. One of the best routes ive done.

Paulie on the train to Montpellier

I still had one problem though... No climbing partners. Luckily that problem lasted about as long as fat Nick Sutter swearing off ice-cream. One mention of a climbing trip to France to my friends Pat & Mel had them hooked. Shortly after, Pablo the Italian greyhound joined the team, and last but not least, one of my best mates Chris threw his hat in the ring. The team was assembled, plans were made and I continued to scour the internet like a deranged porn fiend looking for videos, photos and any beta I could find. The result of all this “preparation” was that by the time I finally arrived in the tarn, I was able to navigate seamlessly through the guidebook and between crags, name all the classic routes at all grades and generally make myself look like a sad sack with no life to the rest of the team. The other problem with this approach is that you end up with a hit list containing 300-400 routes, clearly a difficult task to achieve in just over 4 weeks.

D-Day: After escaping Melbourne airport by the skin of our teeth (the airport was closed for a few days an hour after we flew due to a volcanic ash cloud), it was simply a matter of a lazy 22 hour flight, 4 hour train ride and 2 hour drive before we arrived in the tarn. Driving down the valley into Millau the first thing you notice is the vast amount of rock in the region. We gawked at crag after crag of gorgeous limestone scattered across the valley only to find out later that there was little to no climbing on any of it as it was all too far from the car. The French, and euro’s in general, are so spoilt for choice when it comes to quality climbing!

We stayed at the lovely Camping-Beldoire in the quaint little village of Les Vignes. If you’re climbing in the tarn, Les Vignes is probably best place to stay. Its close enough that you can walk to the climbing if you wish, has a small supermarket, couple of little coffee shops and most importantly a ‘depot de pain’, which is a bakery and not the local BDSM venue as we initially thought.

The view from our pad

The first few days was spent getting a feel for the rock, working out when everything was in the sun/shade, trying to find an open supermarket and drinking quite a few beers. At 12 euro a slab, it seemed a crime to not knock back a few cold ones at the end of a days’ climbing. We visited a number of fun crags including Club House, La Muse, Tressor du Zebra and de que fas aqui in the first few days. There was loads of variety with corners, thin faces and of course steep pocket pulling on offer. Highlights from the first few days were the 35m Jeux de page (6a/19), Tressor du Zebra (7a/23), a soaring traverse that would be perhaps the best 7a in the tarn closely followed by Les coluilles au cul (7a/23) an amazingly long and delicate technical corner and face. Chris, Pat and I got our boulder going on a short little 8a/29 at sector La muse called tu me dezolve, while Pablo opened up an account on the short and sharp 3615 Biceps (7b/25).

The view!!

Pat on Tressor du Zebra (7a/23), a stunning line!

Chris tu me dezolve (8a/29)

Most of the crags in the tarn get morning sun, and start to come into the shade in the early arvo. This suited me to a tee. Anyone who’s climbed with me will know I’m not exactly a morning person. In fact, on a trip to Thailand in 2006 I was dubbed “Captain Snooze”. Thus a typical day in the tarn for Chris, Pablo and I went something like this... Get up about 9:30am, gorge ourselves on coffee, Master Crumble, baguette and generally laze about. Come 2pm or so we would head off to the crag and climb till roughly 9:30pm. Head back to the cabin, cook diner, drink beer, watch family guy or the mighty boosh for an hour or so then pass out.

On the other hand, Pat seemed to find the best conditions of the day were early mornings in the blazing sun (He is from WA after all) and took a particular liking to the impressive and ever popular de que fas aqui sector. Even though he hadn’t climbed for a few months prior to the trip, he found form quickly and managed to knock over a host of classics including Moulas Fritas (8a/29), ???? (7c+/28) and a host of onsights in the 7a-7b+ range.

After the first few days, confidence was growing and we started to scope out a few of the harder things on offer in the area. An evening at the very steep Gullich sector saw us knock over a fantastic little 7c/27 called action discrete, which ended up being one of the highlights of the trip for me. Not because it was an amazing 5 star classic, but for the fact that I managed to send in near complete darkness whilst wearing a head torch. More impressive though was Pat sending it as a warmup before breakfast the next morning. Over at Moulin à huile was a beautiful scalloped scoop of small pockets involving an intricate series of cross throughs called Auver gniaque (7c+). This little beauty went down 4th burn for me and Pat, while Chris pulled out all stops to flash the thing. It was fantastic to watch, though his comment of “There’s a new sheriff in town boys” whilst lowering off the route was a little concerning.

In the meantime we started to notice something strange occurring in amongst the ranks. It seemed that about 4pm every day Pablo would get this glazed look about him followed by 2-3 hours sitting by the pool drinking beer and eating potato chips. We never caught him in the act, but there was no doubting the fact that he must have been sneaking of into the bushes for a few sneaky cones. Of course, he flatly denied it, but I’m sure this was simply because he didn’t want to share. He took a particular liking to our rest day activates which included kayaking down the tarn river, visiting the beach at Montpellier, shopping at Decathlon (The Bunning’s warehouse of outdoor stores) and smashing out the French pastries like nobody’s business. “Pan of chocolate anyone?”
Edit: As it turns out Pablo had just found out he was going to be a dad!! So in hindsight I can understand this strange behavior. Congrats Pablo and Col-train!!

Tennessee Wall: The wall we came to Europe for.
We were fast running out of excuses not to get on this amazing 50 odd meter high wall. We had scoped it out during the first few days, and I think we would be lying if we said we weren’t a little intimated. Back home in Oz, we don’t really have anything to prepare you for this type of climbing. Our longest single pitch routes (Serpentine for example) are typically broken up by ledges, knee bars, hand jams etc but not here... Here you had to deal with 50+m of pocketed limestone offering no respite from the lactic acid till the anchors were reached. To add to the fun, the higher you got on the wall, the further apart the bolts would get. One look at this classic photo from the guide of a climber way out above the bolt was enough to keep us away for the first week or so.

Climber on Les Nouvelles Plantations du Christ (8a/29)

Interestingly enough, the sheriff had decided that I was up for first crack at the famous Les Nouvelles Plantations du Christ (8a/29). He’s such a nice guy. The line follows a nice easy corner to start before breaking right onto a thin face with lots of small pockets and crimps broken up by a few jugs. The position on the wall is spectacular and the climbing is only just to the left of the beautiful and world famous arête of Tennessee (8b/31). First lap up went as expected; a low fall off the first crux and a little bit of dogging had me to the half way anchors 35m up (7c+/28 to this point). I surprised myself by sending part 1 on my 3rd burn. Strangely unsatisfied though, I knew I had to go to the top. A slightly scary first lap on the top part and I’d sorted the moves, but the question grinding at me and keeping me awake at night... “How hard will that last grade 22 mantle move feel after 50 meters of climbing?” Thankfully, it felt pretty straight forward and Chris and I managed to send full 55m pitch on a fantastic summers evening a few days later. I was pretty stoked as this was one of the routes I really wanted to do while here, and it had gone down with relative ease.

Me sending Les Nouvelles Plantations du Christ (8a/29)

Me sending Les Nouvelles Plantations du Christ (8a/29)

Chris lowering off Les Nouvelles Plantations du Christ (8a/29)

We spent the next few days doing a bunch of classics in the 6c-7b range. The tarn really shines in these grades, with classic after classic popping its head up. At the Grand Twat (Toit), Naissance and Produit Daubant (7b/25) were both fantastic. The Canyon sector offered the technical and pumpy Tot ou’ tarn (7b), and up at L’amphi, La veuve noir (7b/25) and Jour de doye (7a+/24) were both incredible 35 meter pitches of intricate face climbing and probably a couple of the highlights of the trip for me. At de que fas aqui there was the super techy and intimidating C100 francs (6c+), the long and thought provoking Self Control (7a) and the amazing corners and laybacks of Fariente (7a).

Back up at Tennessee it was time to try Les Ailes du desir (8a/29), another famous route on this amazing wall. The English translation is ‘the wings of desire’, and I couldn’t think of a more appropriate route name. Pumped out of your mind miles above your last draw, you have to fully commit to the crux sequence or risk a huge fall. It’s completely safe of course; the wall is so steep you just end up hanging in space, but for some reason that doesn’t make it any less exciting. The route can be broken into two sections. It’s (7b+/26) to the halfway anchor, and I was quite keen to have a crack on onsighting the first part. I had managed to avoid seeing anyone on the route over the first few weeks and set off up the funky start. After a delicate stemming section you traverse rightwards on some huge buckets before pulling into a few little boulder problems. I kept on pushing through and before I knew it I was at the first anchors. I had a brief moment of celebration in my mind as I had just onsighted my hardest pitch of climbing, but I was still on the wall. Shaking out and looking up at the imposing wall above, I figured, “I’m here now, I want to do the whole route, I may as well have a crack!” After recovering as much as I could (which wasn’t much) I ventured out onto the exposed face and tried to climb as smoothly as possible. After 3 more bolts of climbing I was about 40m up with only another 15 or so to go. I started to think, I might actually onsight this whole thing... Clearly delusional, I moved up to a good positive pinch and could see that the next sequence was going to be tough. Huge move out right, then about 6 stupidly small hand movements gained me another 6 inches of height. I was boxed, so pumped, but kept pushing and made a big throw to what looked to be a large pocket... It wasn’t. I was off, but super psyched to have given it a good crack. Turns out I had fallen of the start of the crux sequence which was seriously cool. From a pair of shotgun pockets you cross up with your left hand to a shallow 2 finger underling, work the feet up and bust out right to a mono. Feet up again and pounce to a good edge with the right hand, then technical grade 24ish climbing to the top after that. Chris made a valiant flash attempt, getting well into the crux sequence before pump got the better of him. In keeping with the symmetry of the trip so far, we both sent on another perfect French summers evening, before retreating back to camp for a swim, celebratory pizzas’ and Ice-cream.

Nice place for a dip when the weather was warm

With only a few days to go, I was relaxed and happy to go with the flow. I had done the two routes I came to Europe for, two amazing long pitches, famous routes on a fantastic wall. I couldn’t have been happier. We did some super fun routes up at Le Trone and Shaddocks, or was it shamrocks, I can’t remember? Pablo managed to drag himself away from his bong long enough to cruise his project at La Muse, 3615 Biceps, in process ticking his first 7b/25. He finished of the trip nicely by climbing the super steep Body Building (7a+/24) about six times. A huge improvement for the lad, I can only imagine what he could achieve if he just laid of the cones.
On our last day I managed to punt of the very last move while attempting to onsight Le plasir qui demonte (7c/27) and then completely loose my shit when I fell in the same spot on the second burn. Thankfully, I managed to bag the route 3rd shot for my last route of trip and super nice way to leave the tarn. The sheriff of course showed me what I punter I am by flashing the thing.

So there you have it, Gorges du Tarn. There is so much I have left out of this little trip report, so many amazing routes that didn’t get a mention and a heap of fond memories that will stay with me always. We had the place almost to ourselves and the weather was primo. Coupled with the fact that the scenery is some of the most beautiful you will ever see, I would highly recommend it to anyone keen to sample the delights of French limestone. I hope one day I can go back as we only just scraped the surface of this majestic place.

We heard on the grapevine whilst overseas that the Ceuse campground was chock full and there was roughly 300 people staying in the carpark... Glad we gave that one a miss. 
Till next time.

H-taping... Way of the future

2011-08-09T22:46:00.000+10:00

A nice little instructional video.

H-Taping: The way of the FUTURE!

2011-08-07T17:33:00.027+10:00

You heard it folks! The H-Tape method is the dogs balls of finger taping now. After tearing into the side of my fingers pulling on steep pocket on Saturday, the H-Taping method was put to full use. "What is this mythical method of which you speak of Al?" I hear you ask. Well younglings, I too would have asked the same thing nor but 24 hours ago, had it not been for the O Wise ones advice shared at the door of a log cabin. "You're still making no sense Al! As usual!" you continue. Well ok, time to fess up. Pulling into the Mt Zero log cabins last night with "Mr Gifted" himself Chris Trapnell, I spot the ever excitable Steve Pollard with family. Amongst discussion of the days activites, we got onto the topic of finger injuries. He told me about this secret method of taping the finger after an injury, allowing one to continue climbing, that he had learnt at the worlds snarliest finger raping crag, the Frankenjura. Anyway, this method, I decided would come in handy for the purposes of flapper prevention for the next day on the mean pockets at Between the Sheeps. This mind blowing new beta allowed for super skin protection, while still allowing full range of motion. And it worked! At least for the fingers I taped up......

Left: Can't make an omlette without breaking a few eggs..... Carnage from "Bombshell V7"

So the tape helped in keeping my skin together on the 3 finger pockets. Not so helpfull on the pinky-jug-hand-torque-flapperoo moves though.... Fortunatly this little mishap occured at the end of the session, leaving just the drive home to cope with.

I will begin from the start, just in case some of you are a bit lost with my narrative. Friday night began the drive with my old pal Trappers. It had been too long between climbs for us, so I was pretty excited to be climbing with him once more. This dude always give it everything he has. He doesn't know when to quit. Just keeps pushing and pushing, as the skin rips and the blood flows, till complete physical exhaustion. All capped off with a smile of enjoyment. He just loves climbing. Its great motivation climbing with Chris, and this weekend was no exception. Even as we pulled into the log cabins at Mt Zero, raining and cold, we were psyched for a good weekend of bouldering.

A lazy start of coffee, eggs on toast and a climbing movie lead to a break in the weather and our chance at a climb. We decided that Between the Sheeps would be a neat place given its a cave, and rain is afraid of caves.

Right: Chris all rugged up, starting the expedition out to Between The Sheeps.

We were not let down by a caves fear of getting wet either. Whilst everything on the hike up was totally saturated, everything in the cave was climbable, with just one small section of the wall running with water, but crazily missing all the holds!

After both warming up, we got started on Between the Sheeps, V6. I managed to flash this jumpy number, with Chris coming close as well, but getting a bit stumped on the weird spinny inside out second last move. So we tried Remains of the Sheep, V6. Both Chris and I flashed this one too. Pretty stoked, we tried a link-up into this problem called Bombshell, V7. This adds quite a tough start into the problem which took a little bit to work out, but soon it was sorted. But I was a bit of a silly chap and fell on the last move of the problem hahaha. A few more tired attempts and I called it a day.

Left: Me on a long pocket move on Bombshell.

Trappers started trying a rad lowball problem called Family Loss, V6 next. Too low for my lankyness, Chris put his gift of huge shoulders and massive biceps to work, coming very close to sending this tough little peanut. So, both pretty tired and beyond our best, we took off for an explore of the area. We spied some rad new projects to be done, including a terrifying highball for me (pictured right). I was conviced it was a letdown, because had it not been so short, it would have been worthy of some bolts. Trappers really had the vision, pointing out that the flat landing, great rock, and fact that I was being a little girl, meant it was a totally awesome highball, to which I hesitantly agreed. We also stumbled upon a huge awesome orange wall, maybe 30 meters high. It seems however that someone had beat us too it. Its a crag called The Plaza Strip, and is pretty fucking cool! Looking forward to coming back out here come spring and doing some of these routes, along with maybe having a sticky beak at some new lines :)

Anyway, after a good nights rest in a warm log cabin, watching the footy and another climbing movie by the fire, Chris and I were back up to Between the Sheeps to finish our problems. I knocked off Bombshell quick enough, leading to the carnage that began this blog update. Like a Quentin Tarantino movie, my chronological order is a bit messed up, but a good story none the less. Chris came agonisingly close to doing Family Loss, staring at the jug at the end just before expoding off. With skin and bodies trashed, we packed up for an early getaway back to Melbourne. I'm pretty excited to get back there soon to try When We Were Kings, V11 again. I think the last time I tried it was almost 2 years ago, and a lot of no climbing has happened between then and now. Confident all my personal troubles are behind me, I'm pretty excited to be out with mates climbing and loving it again, even when I fail miserably!

Whats most exciting though is a new outlook I have on climbing. It's now not so much about making climbing my whole life, or trying to do the things with a big number on it for the bragging rights, but about climbing the things that push me personally, physically and mentally, and having a blast doing so, whether I succeed or fail. Don't get me wrong, I still want to climb hard stuff as the years go on, but I'm looking outside the normal for things that inspire me to keep training lots, and trying so hard I think I'm gonna either faint or spew. Having had to relegate climbing to the background in order to address some of the curly situations life can put put in your way, I have come to the conclusion that I love climbing for what it is and who I do it with. Like sex! :D

Climbing is a big part of my life. But when it is taken away for what ever reason, one must be prepared to let it go. I had made climbing my whole life, but there came a point where injury and lifestyle choices had made climbing impossible, and I really struggled to cope with the idea of giving it up. That is until I realised what it was about climbing that I loved to much. The weekend away with mates, the dirty jokes at the crag, the bloody knuckles, the terrifying falls, the bush, driving too fast along the dirt roads, drifing through muddy corners, and enjoying being alive and happy.

Airy-fairy spiritually enlightening speech over....

I've also been scoping out a lot of the projects in the bouldering guide book, and see so much potential hard climbing to be done. Some still beyond me, but some not so. Just a couple of months ago I took the Raven up to project I had checked out, which he did and I almost did. He called it "The Oyster" and it came in at around V8. The top still needs a good scrubbing, but it is an absolute classic coming out a 45 degree wall. Its Project #51 in the guide at Trackside. Go check it out folks! but maybe wait a few weeks so I got time to go back there and scub the top up good and proper (and nab the 2nd ascent lol). There is so much still to be climbed around the place, and I'm pretty excited to get out there and either try them myself, or show anyone who is keen and motivated for 3 star FA's. Anyone? Anyone? Beuller? Every time I head to the Grampians, I find myself adding more to my mental list of rad new lines to climb. I think I could be climbing at this place for the rest of my life!

Chris on Family Loss.

Me on Bombshell.

Me trudging up the long walk in.

Chris enjoying a nice cup of coffee and the morning news. Log cabins are the way to go in Winter!

So, apparently it was meant to rain all weekend.......

The home woody, finished and awaiting holds!

That is all. Peace y'all!

-TheBigAl

Some little goings on.

2011-08-01T18:28:00.006+10:00

Just thought I should keep this juggernaut rolling with a little update from the team.

Firstly, Grosey is into his last week of a month long bouldering fiasco in Rocklands South Africa. No word as yet on any thing climbed. But thats probably because he's spent more time drinking, dancing, dressing up as Katy Perry and generally doing Australian culture proud.

Philby has just returned from a whirlwind 5 week tour of France, ticking up a storm including sends of Les Ailes Du Deair, Les Nouvelles Plantations du Christ and Tu Me Dezolve all weighing in at 29/8a. Nice one bruvva! A few pretty piccies will find their way up on here shortly I'm sure.

A'Hah was breifly back down in M'Town, hanging with her Bluies crew in the boulder in Grampians. I never got to catch up with the lass, as I was busy face down in Chemistry text books and making clear solutions turn red and lumpy. But it seems she flew the coup having bagged X-treme Cool V8, Happy Camper Traverse V9, and Butthole Surfer V9/10. Not bad for a chick. She also walked away with 3rd place in the Nationals held over the weekend at Bayside Rock.

Right: Phil on To Hate To Love V8

So where does this leave me??? Well, I've built a frame for my free standing woody. Just waiting on T-nuts and bolts just ordered now from Uncarved Block. Building me a symmetry/systems/45 degree power trainer! Uni is back in action, but I did get away with 'ole Philby this weekend just gone to Gramps for some of the best conditions of the year! Saturday I was still a wee bit drunk/hungover from old mate Trappers dirty 30 birthday drinks Friday night. WhilstI fell off everything I tried, Phil theme-parked the shit of To Hate To Love V8 sending it packing Disney style. The next day I got up on One Bed To The Left, 27 after eyeing it off for about 4 years. It was not to be however, as I shook AND sooked my way up to the last moves before bailing, a wee bit terrified lol. I blame it on the hangover!! Phil got re-aquainted with his Mt Zero Project, and I ran around counting the $$$ on bolts I'm going to spend equipping a whole lot of new, short, hard, steep, power routes :D :D :D

Well thats it really. Not much more from me. Gonna chance the forcasted rain for a boulder weekend with Trappers this coming weekend. I have the last week of August off uni, so maybe start training some more in preperation for my projects.

Later ya'all

-TheBigAl

In case you've been living under a rock.....

2011-07-08T10:36:00.003+10:00

You had better been climbing it at the very least!

Smitten Teaser Trailer:

Smitten Teaser from Smitten the movie on Vimeo.

Smitten Teaser Trailer 2:

Smitten Teaser 2 from Smitten the movie on Vimeo.

Melbourne Screening
http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=233465493341625

And so I'm sitting here a wee bit sick after a few big days on the plastic, setting for the Lactic Factory comp last Saturday and training a couple of times between then and now. Good news is that every session I seem to be getting a bit more of my strength and power back. Fingers crossed I can squeeze in a hangboard session tomorrow. Next week is my last week off before going back to Uni, so I feel one more Gramps trip may be on the cards, if I can juggle a few other things around.

Josh is off tomorrow too to Rocklands. And with Phil still eating baguettes and knocking back cheap red wine in the French Alps, I'm left aaaaaall alone to shiver away, trying hard moves, in the middle of Winter, drinking too much coffee, finding projects and achieving nothing....BLISS!!! :D

However, I still have a promise to fulfill. I made a agreement with Phil that I'd have my woody up and going upon his return for the illustrius 'Sunbury Sessions' training routines to begin. Best stop spending money on beer and save it for some panels and timber then....

-TheBigAl

Musings of an 'ole cobber

2011-07-03T10:04:00.005+10:00

Don't really know where to start here. It has been quiet a while since my last short lived hype up of the century. I believe it was this time last year I began raving about that little route Punks in the Gym. Well, yep. Since then there has been about squat climbing done by me. I believe it could be summed up best like this....

Besides, now that its been climbed by a short ass Taswegian and a father from South Australia (EDIT: OFFICIALLY VICTORIAN), its really lost a lot of the luster it once had. Chuck it in the trade routes box, along with Serpentine and Tickle-me-Toe Ridge I say!

So between then and now, what have I been up to? Well, there was a sudden, self initiated departure from the Fruit and Veg job I was so lovingly in hate of. A coastal sabbatical period of reflection, drinking beer, and catching fish. An undercover return to Melbourne, of sorts, settling down out west in quiet, old, Sunbury (the birthplace of the ASHES!), yard work, casual jobs, and then finally packing my lunch for my first day of University in March. In my 180 degree inside out back flip of lifestyle, I chose learning over money, enrolling in Applied Science at RMIT. One semester in, and McLovin' it.

The return to climbing has been slow, long and enjoyable. Getting over a drawn out back injury from last year, a triumphant return to the climbing world was momentarily put on hold when I shortfixed myself on a route and eagerly dynoed, smashing my big toe in the jolting fall. Needless to say the crag was packed that day, and Josh rolling around in the dirt in fits of laughter didn't help either..... It was pretty funny though.

So now the toe is pretty much good with the aid of painkillers. I've been getting out to Gramps a fair bit lately bouldering with Joshy and anyone else who can put up with the 2 of us. I'm already setting my sights to the high and scary stuff again. Orca has been relieved of the vegetation that had been sensually grinding up and down its tall, bulging, rock har....... errrrr, arete. I've also scoped myself a new route that had been hiding in plain sight. Desperate face climbing, ground fall potential, pebbles, pockets, tuffas, Mt Brown, MT BROWN!!!! But both projects will not go easily, so don't hold your breath for quick ascents. You'll probably suffocate. Unless you can hold your breath for like, a couple of months. Then good on you! Congratulations! You're obviously not human. I'm calling ASIO.

Joshy has some video from the last couple of days out bouldering. He'll put them up at some stage I think. I managed to tick Caffeinator (V8) at Kindergarten area. Kiwi Richard Dale aka Sticky (Mcgoogoo) knocked off Stimulation (V13) in The Cave. And South Australian (SORRY, AGAIN, VICTORIAN) technitian Steve Pollard continued his good form with sends of Sleepy Hollow (V12) Viva Resistance (V10) Mungoes Roof (V9) a flash of Bridesmaids Anonymous (V9) as well as Caffeinator. And with the expected arrivals of stong NSWers soon, Victorians seem to be loosing the battle! (Ok, so I'm exaggerating a wee bit......But surely you all know by now not to believe anything I write here!)

Thats all from me. Now, Go The Fuck To Sleep.

- TheBigAl

Welcome? Back......

2011-06-18T20:18:00.018+10:00

Hello faithful readers (and COC virgins)......it has been awhile, some say not long enough. Alas it appears we are back. I am not really sure why it has been so long, perhaps members of the A-Team just got bored blogging (insert spraying/whinging) about the Melbourne scene or lack thereof. Perhaps certain members felt the group had lost its direction admist character subplots better suited to midday television rubbish. This question is probably best left unanswered.......as to delve into such a mystery would be the end of yours truely; so lets get on with it shall we.

Quick rehash of what's gone down in my past 12 months

July - After recently breaking up with Al as housemates (miss you bro) I went to Nowra with Jacqui and met up with KP, Sutter and Mick Wells. It was rad although didn't tick much. I did manage to flash some classics on my last day, including Ain't No Sunshine, 28. Then it rained.

August - Looked for a place with Al, big enough for the MasterChef and I to build a woody, and hopefully prevent Jacqui returning to Germany = FAIL

Sept - Moved into Napier St with KP; built Hangboard and cleaned up the backyard.

Oct - Dec - work took over as I was coming up to Qualification Panel exams. Jacqui had gone back to Germany to study, so I was brokenhearted and in a slump. Climbing was centred on Little Hands Cave where we've established 3 routes and 4 projects there. I repeated Sutter's testpiece Steel on Steel, 28 (originally 27 but consensus = upgrade) and put up my own unrepeated Substance D, 29; a 12 meter long, bouldery roof, with a 6 move crux that is RAD......could be harder???

Big Al's photo of Me on Wild Orchids, 30 - early attempt with Wetnuts at the Belay!

Jan - too hot to climb, but spent some time at Stapleton with Mick and his Girlfriend Nicky who I had met back in Nowra. Not much climbing got done, but managed to do some training laps of Tyranny 28/29 in 42 degree heat = dumb idea. I had to take 2 days off due to heat exhaustion.

Feb - Busted my arse and worked heaps of overtime to take 12 days off and headed to Thailand to catch up with Jacqui which was bloody awesome. Managed to get 3 mornings of climbing in at Ton Sai. Met up with my good mate Lawry Dermody, Adelaide expat now living in Stockholm with Emilee his girlfriend. Lawry and Em were at the beginning of a 5 month Asia/Australia climbing trip. Routes wise, I got a up a handful of 28's and 29's and squeezed in a send of Old Chicken Makes Good Soup, 30/8a+ with about 20 mins before boarding the boat outta there. Rest of my trip was scuba diving and hanging out with Jacqui.

Ton Sai Bay

March - Endurance Training, at Bayside and Spurt. Repeated classics including Fabio's Route, 29; one of my favourites. Temperatures however were bloody hot!

April - Competed at Victorian State Titles held at Bayside Rock. This was the first competition climbing I had done in 9 years, excluding bouldering comps that is. I was so nervous....I think I had put a lot of pressure on myself, going in quietly confident (unusual for me). This probably didn't do me any favours. All day I felt as though I was on speed......heart racing at 120 beats/min even when resting, not that I condone taking drugs kids. Nervous energy sucks, almost shook myself off the wall during the first heat. Its also really tiring. I had eaten all my food by the second heat and even fell asleep during the isolation before the final. All that said and done, I was able to make one move slightly more controlled than Sean Powell from NSW and came away with a victory. In the end it was a great suprise. Not only that, it was also the first time my family had come to see me climb (luckily it was only the final). I was super stoked!

All comp photos care of JP photography http://www.jpowerphoto.com/

Since I missed out on easter cause of workin some crazy shifts, I headed up to Blackheath in the Blue Moutains and had a blast. Again not ticking anything, but tried some cool routes. My aim had been to try and onsight routes or within one or two shots, something I struggle with. I also managed to catch up with a bunch of old friends and great people. Lawry and Em had rented a house so stayed with them. It was great to see Benny

Boy, Elmar , Kat and most of the former Vic Scene; Philipa, Christoph, Jules, Vince and Helen. Those few days have reignited my desire to eventually move up.

May - The weather had started to get more stable in the Grampians, so we hit up the northern sectors on mid week day trips, as the south was still subject to road closures. I had some fitness under my belt from the month prior, and managed to get up two Nathan Hoette Spurt Wall gems; firstly the seldom attempted The Nipple Cripple, 30 and then a week or so later Spurted, 31. The later being a link up of Tyranny and Lifestyling and some really cool climbing. My attention was going to turn to Who's a Naughty Boy Then, however it began to rain again on the one weekend I had up there. Therefore focus turned towards the smaller rocks. I managed to get myself up Butcher's Choice, V10 during one of the most enjoyable bouldering sessions I've had in a long time. Lawry (now in the Grampians) and Samey from Canada, also jumping onboard the send train.

The Cripple Nipple, 30 - Mayumi Knight's Photo post tick.

Ok so that was more long winded than I had first thought. Now we get to June and the here and now. Well, some time ago I decided that my next leave block was to go climbing somewhere new. At the time a South African mate, Mickey, was staying in Melb. Talk of the Rocklands bouldering got me wet....on the finger tips that is. So as with all half arsed plans I come up with, I booked tickets within a couple days. Boy I am fucking amped now though. Originally I had planned to go on my own and meet up with Dave 'Wetnuts' Wetmore (former pinup boy of COC Aust.) from the states. Fast forward to now and I am heading over with Omar 'Slowpoke' Cortez, and meeting with Elmar Jerg and Damian from the Blue Mtns and Mick and Nicky from Adelaide. Fuck its going to be awesome. I'll have a month to go to a boudering in a climbers paradise. Sandstone blocks that look like those in the Gramps, only bigger and more abundant. This will be my first bouldering trip since Castle Hill (NZ) in 2007 - which was an awesome adventure in its own right.

Quick News Flash - Lawry continues to rip up the Grampians and is very close to Groove Train, 33 (if he can find a belayer). Byron Glover (NSW wunderkind) and Samey Lacombe have been ripping up the Gramps with sends of Lifestyling 30, and Sleepy Hollow, V11 and Who's A Naughty Boy Then?, 31 and Butcher's Choice, V10 respectivly - fucking sick!!

Local Heros Sutter and KP have put up some new routes in the past week. Sutter has cleaned up a Muline classic, Peruvian Thumbs, 31 and KP has clutched grunted and locked through his Cum Agendas.....I mean Young Offenders, 28 at Cut Lunch Walls. Nice One boys! Adam Demmert has completed his extension to Rage, 29 on Taipain to give Angst at the same grade. And last but be no means least, Steve 'Silent but Deadly' Pollard has continued his reign of fury with recent ticks of Punks in the Gym, 32 and Lifestyling 30 in as many days. Then only last week, after Lawry and I spent 3 layers of skin unlocking the Butcher's Choice, Steve manages to flash the bastard for his personal best flash - V10. Holy shit-balls batman this guy's on fire!!!

Ok next post will probably be from South Africa......no doubt once I'm back in the swing of things, there'll be more of my usual bullshit wit and slander. Until then, peace out.

- Grosey

Weekend wrap-up & work wind-down

2011-06-07T13:38:00.007+10:00

So there's a problem at the Titanic boulder called Collision Course (V9), which I have tried on a couple of previous occasions without success. Starting on a pair of miserable underclings, you have to pull on and up to a bad 2/3 finger pocket with the left hand, then dyno to a jug with the right. It's maybe, V3/4 to the top after that. It's a classic 2-move wonder in that if you can pull your ass off the ground your halfway there.

As it happens, I found myself there over the weekend trying the problem again & again and sucking majorly. Que everyone's favorite miniature pocket rocket, Timmy Le busting out the iPod and speakers with some Missy Elliot 'get ya freak on'..... Inspired by the sudden introduction of such a classic tune, I jump up and scream "I'm psyched, gona smash!!!" or something similarly lame, run and sit under the problem and pull on.... 15 seconds later I'm standing on top of the boulder wondering what the hell just happened. Who would've thought that Missy Elliot was sending music? My friend Alyssa tells me "she has that effect on everyone" and I'm left wondering, "Where have you been all my life Missy?"

Renaissance man and the original "weakest man to climb 8b" Joey-O is getting right back in the game and getting out on the rock again which is great to see. He is still putting the beers away like nobody's business then crushing the next morning just like the old days. All we need now is the Joey-O /Toby Pola Reunion tour. Over the weekend Joey managed a 2nd shot send of KP's super classic Peace Keeper (Stout 26) at Amnesty wall. Keep it up Joey. Timmy Le also opened an account on Peacekeeper putting the moves together very quickly and looking strong, while Leash made huge progress on her project Tyrants Grasp (22) doing a really good link and sussing some new beta. Watch this space for sendage news.

I also made some great progress on my Project over the weekend getting very close to the send. Leash snapped a couple of ripper Pics in the afternoon sun that I thought I would share. I reckon with a bit of Euro fitness under my belt this thing is going down when I get back.

The first moves of the crux sequence

What a finish!!! Big 1-4.5 Campus move to big flatter

Only 3.3456789 work days to go, then a lazy Saturday with my lovely and then Europe bound!! :)

Peace.
Philby

Captains Blog.... Reloaded.

2011-06-02T16:33:00.003+10:00

You may have noticed (or probably not since there are only about 8 people who actually read this shit) that we have had a bit of a hiatus here at the Captains Blog. Not so much because nothing has been happening. On the contrary, there have been plenty of notable sends in the last 12 months or so, but I guess none of us have really bothered to write anything down.

Well, a bit like Michael Jordan, this old blog will attempt to come out of retirement and reach the lofty heights of yesteryear (I am obviously being sarcastic, we were always scraping the bottom of the barrel). Let's just say we will try and make it readable with minimal spelling mistakes for a start :)

I have been having a good think about this blog, it's content and what I want people to get out of it. I recently purchased a new HD handycam and have been playing around with making some climbing vids. My plan is to try and get a heap more photo's and videos up here to get people psyched to get out and on the rock and crush their projects. Also, if your keen to share, we would welcome any pics or video from others who would like to contribute to the blog.

In addition to more pics & vids, my new aim here is to report not only on the up's & downs, trials and tribulations (or in Joshy's case recent tantrums & current BMI) of the team, but post as many updates as I can on general climbing related happenings. A bit like what Jakey B & Deano were doing with Whipper-Mag (RIP), where they were reporting not only on ascents and happenings in the upper echelon, but taking the time to give kudos to people getting out there, trying their best and knocking over their projects... whatever the grade may be. I've noticed this has also started happening a bit on www.8a.nu which i think is great (Good job Lee).

In just over a weeks time, I will be heading to France with a crew of some of finest people you could ever hope to travel with for 5 weeks of climbing. I honestly can't wait, it's going to be an amazing experience. Sadly, the trip will be missing a few key ingredients though... If only I could add a pint of Ali-D, a sprinkle of Joshy, a dash of Big-Al, 2 cups of Alyssa, one red duck, one coach, a select portion of the Sydney crew, team Dr.-Dre and one small Asian dude the recipe for deliciousness would be complete. Alas, I cant bring them along but will see you all when we get back.

We have a cabin in the Gorges du Tarn and will be climbing at some of the world class crags in the area including the tarn itself, the Gorges De la roubie, Gorges de la Jonte & Cantobre. I will try to update the blog regulary with goings on, some pretty pictures and maybe even some video.

Until then, happy climbing.

Philby

Mountains Life

2011-03-02T19:01:00.009+11:00

I am sitting at my desk. Looking out the window of my new home. A big green corrugated iron shed- complete with bathroom, kitchen and tractor room. And a roo has just bounced past. It’s another classic Blackheath day- a day where I wake up to the sound of rain trinkling onto my tin roof. A day where I look out the window and there is no sun to be seen. It seems the sun in Blackheath goes on frequent holiday. Off to a faraway place, and to return when it’s ready. A bit like the local folk I suppose.

My big bed Doug made.

This is my first time moving away from Melbourne. Some say, “You are so lucky! To go on holiday for a year and now live where you can climb as much as you want”. I say- “Luck doesn’t have much to do with it.” It was a very conscious decision, to uphaul my life and move to the unknown. To a place away from all my dearest, dearest friends. Away from my loving family who would do anything in the world for me. Away from my favourite cake and dessert cafes. My favourite bar. The beloved Grampians. The local gyms. My appreciative work places. My comfort zone.

It’s been far from easy. I moved here homeless. Jobless. Friendless. With pretty much ‘less’ of everything, apart from time. And I have come to realise, time can often be one’s worst enemy. Too much time, and one can dwell on life’s most complicated questions. Left with too much time, and no societal norms- one questions their accomplishments in life. Confidence takes a bit of a nose dive.

So why make such a large sacrifice? Most people choose where to live based on where their career can flourish. Or where their family is. Or where the climate is desirable for a year long tan. I chose to live in “Bleakheath”, 1000m above sea level. Away from my family, serious job prospects and good sushi. Oh rockclimbing- how you make me question my life!

But it’s done. And I am starting to like it. I don’t go out partying and dance the night away anymore. I now have dinner parties and drink a glass of wine. I walk down the main street and buy fresh bread (and maybe a piece of cake) from the local Cambodian Bakery. I don’t drive to the other side of Melbourne to catch up with my girlfriends. Instead, as I walk back to my car from the bakery, I bump into them. I miss my friends back home- and if I think about it too much, I am overcome with an overwhelming sense of sadness. Because I know, as hard as I try, I won’t be able to stay friends with all of them. But, it’s the choice I have made, and slowly, I am building some friendships here. Earning the trust, respect and generosity friends deserve.

I feel like I need to play catch up on the classics around the Mountains. I am surrounded by so many talented, strong and motivated people that have such an extensive list of accomplishments in climbing (and life). It is a constant reminder and motivator to get out there and get better. Onsight. Multipitch. Siege. Go cragging.

I feel like I am finally getting into the groove of the style here. Sharp, crimpy cranking. I did my first 31 just before Christmas. Starring at the Sea at Wave Wall. It’s almost my anti-style. I like jugs and steepness. This route has tiny razors and is only slightly overhanging- but classic. I am really psyched to complete a route that felt so utterly desperate, and left me so sore and fatigued the day after. But, as the efficiency came, so did the fitness. And with that, success and a flutter of confidence. Quite a foreign feeling since leaving Europe.

Starring at the Sea (Pic- Doug McConnell)

And it seems with a little confidence and fitness other classics have followed. I had a great day out a few weeks ago, completing Tripe (30), Green Eggs and Ham (28) and Onions (27) in one day. All came down to good conditions :) Other “must do’s” are Don’t Believe the Tripe (29). Tsunami (29). Returnity (28) and Fresh Goats Milk (28).

So please- let this be the start of a long and enjoyable journey. Abundant of challenges and success. And crisp, breezy, sunny days!

Spankin' the Monkey Bars V8

- A Hah

The Story of No Chance

2010-11-12T09:36:00.000+11:00

No Chance and His Journey to Climbing Greatness (Part 1)

By the Boardlord

This is the story of ‘No Chance’.

One day, No Chance was hanging out by the local cliff, wondering why he felt so pumped. He’d just gone up a route his strong mates had just flashed as their warm up, yet he couldn’t even get past the 3rd bolt.

No Chance turned to Big Chance and asked him why this was so. Big Chance said “you’re not strong enough for this sucker!” which kind of left No Chance wondering what this whole gig was about climbing. Was he getting pumped because he was simply weak, or was he getting pumped because he had no ‘endurance’. He decided to ask Even Better Chance.

Even Better Chance told him that there was a little thing called a boulder problem at the 3rd bolt.

“What’s a ‘boulder problem?’ replied No Chance.

Even Better Chance said that it was a sequence of moves that were extremely powerful in relation to the rest of the route.

“How can I do this ‘boulder problem’? replied No Chance.

“You have to start training power little grasshopper”, stated Even Better Chance, who had already run three laps of the said route and wasn’t remotely pumped in the slightest.

“But I thought routes were all about something called ‘enduro-pumping’, said No Chance.

“That’s where you’re wrong”, interjected Best Chance. Best Chance was there with his wife, Had A Chance, and his daughter, In With A Chance. Best Chance was famous for his uncanny ability to walk up grade 29’s on a daily basis, but what No Chance didn’t realise, was that he was also a V10 boulderer.

“Power is your lifeline to so-called endurance”, continued Best Chance. “Without power, you are nothing.”

“I told you that you were crap”, F*ck All Chance blurted in. (F*ck All Chance was a mate of No Chance, and was still struggling with top roping the local warm up route, despite getting on it every weekend for the last 7 years). Not surprisingly, he’d never bouldered a day in his life.

“Not as crap as I am” said Fat Chance, who was standing nearby looking absolutely wasted (he’d just completed the walk-in).

“So how come people can climb 30 metre overhanging routes and not get pumped?” asked No Chance. “That’s not power, that’s endurance!”

“Aaah!” replied Half A Chance (who was trying to get In With A Chance to go out with him, although he didn’t have much of a chance of that). “It boils down to one thing really. Finger strength. That’s why you often see fat looking bastards waltz up hard routes. It’s what you can hold onto that counts.” He glanced over at In With A Chance, but she was smiling at Fat Chance, who had just tripped over a rope and sprained his ankle.

“He’s right” said Best Chance, “and the best way of obtaining that strength is to go bouldering”.

“So if I turn into a boulderer, I’ll get better at routes?” asked No Chance.

“Yep” said Even Better Chance, who by now had completed his 18th lap of a 25 and was thinking of calling it a day.

“That’s it then – I’m going bouldering!” exclaimed No Chance, who secretly hoped that any new found strength would lead to his nickname being changed to ‘Some Chance’ plus a new found relationship with Pretty Good Chance, who was Even Better Chance’s sister.

No Chance and His Journey to Climbing Greatness (Part 2)

And so it was that No Chance bought himself a bouldering mat and started bouldering. He became so enamoured with it that he talked Pretty Good Chance into joining him on some forays into Stapylton. They laughed, they cried, they fell and they shouted 'C'mon baby' a lot. They forgot about the hassles of roped climbing and forged a partnership based on love, power and short black coffees. By day, they lived in their Moon Cypher pants. By night, they lived in each others pants.

Their relationship got stronger and stronger, as did their body tension and pinch grip strength. Relentless days spent hanging out in Hollow Mountain Cave yielded to relentless nights spent hanging in each others arms, content in the knowledge that tomorrow would bring more joy in new-found boulder problems and two finger undercling techniques. Gradually, No Chance morphed into Some Chance, and later - Great Chance. Pretty Good Chance, now his girlfriend, remained Pretty yet became Pretty Amazing Chance, particularly when she pulled off an ascent of Dead Can't Dance.

Old friends such as Even Better Chance turned up to see what this bouldering lark was all about, but after pumping his way across numerous 40 metre jugfests for several months, he couldn't compete, and so took off with Fat Chance to the nearest pub. There they marvelled at how No Chance had so quickly become Some Chance, and now had the best chance at marrying Pretty Amazing Chance who was, understandably, pretty amazing.

They drank and drank and drank, until Fat Chance pointed out that they'd have bugger all chance of climbing anything the next day - not that he was going to anyway. Even Better Chance (who by now was known as Lost Chance) called up In With A Chance and attempted to pour out his entire sad story to her, hoping she'd love him for what he was (a route climber that could no longer boulder) - but she was off with Great Chance learning the joys of advanced sloper technique (in his tent).

So Great Chance had two Chances, while Lost Chance, by now, had Absolutely F*ck All Chance.

"That's what you get for endurance training" he thought.

TO BE CONTINUED…

A dream is finally a (half) reality.

2010-07-26T17:36:00.012+10:00

Left: Gulich on Punks in 1985

I can recall many many years ago hearing about this little route called 'Punks In The Gym'. Hardest route at Arapiles (and one of the harder in Oz) supposedly. Was then the hardest route in the world in 1985 they say. Fell to the deft touch of a certain German superstar. No, not Brüno. Wolfgang Gullich. R.I.P Wolfy.

Anyway, back to my story. Everytime I would return to Arapiles (which on average is maybe once a year now) I would gaze up at 'Punks' and dream. 'One day I will feel worthy of attempting such a route, but not today' Yet that dream was realised last week, as I ventured off to Araps mid week, for a break from the shit getting me down in the city. So when I was meant to be frantically running around a warehouse barking orders, I was caressing the very holds God himself had used to dance up the wall, in the clean, crisp, soul reviving, country air.

Oh my what a route! Not in years has a climb or boulder problem captured my attention as much as this. This one route has given me the motivation to train hard, and a goal to really strive for. Something my climbing life has been lacking for quite a while. And considering I have come close to giving up climbing several times this year, this could not have come at a better time.

So, along with myself, Taswegian lad Doug McConnel and super strong Kiwi lass Mayan Gobat-Smith (both of whom are a bees dick from the send) are currently working the route. Word has it some sneaky NSW folk were trying it earlier, and I just got off the phone with fellow A-Team-er Grosey who was spraying about how he's gonna swoop in fresh from his Nowra trip to snag an ascent before me, along with South Australian Mick Wells and sweet cheeks himself Pat Turner.

Game on moles!

Bring on the Punks renaissance!

- TheBigAl

Someone Save Me!

2010-07-16T16:56:00.002+10:00

Who wants to give me a new job? One somewhere in the country. One where I don't have to stress about timelines. One where I don't have to take phone calls from egotistical head chefs of certain high profile restaurants complaining that their baby vegetables are all not of uniform size and shape. Where the pace of life seems to slow down to a gentle walk, instead of a mad sprint, and is preferably near the Grampians.

Everyday I wake up, struggle to leave my bed, and slink into work out of sheer habit. The monotony of the job seems to slowly kill me, just a little, day after day. The Boss Man takes it easy while I frantically keep things together. How many times do I have to tell the people I manage how to perform a task before they will learn it? I havent worked that one out yet. Apparently everyday for a whole week is still not enough for someone to learn how to clean up a single coolroom. Dear God! There's still another 3 coolrooms to go!

Then theres the sickness. Sleeping for 36 hours out of 48 hours over a weekend surely can't be normal? 2 climbing sessions in 4 weeks? Not cool dude, not cool.

On the upside, I just just finished watching The Wire. Holy shit what an awesome TV series! Just started on True Blood on the recomendation of a few. Now I'm tired again and dinner is almost ready.

Rant over.

- TheBigAl

Reality hits home.

2010-06-25T17:44:00.003+10:00

I’ve been home over a month now. And I have been having my ups and downs. Mundane “purpose of life” type stuff. On returning home, I have come across several questions:
- How was your trip?
- What are your plans now?
- What is it like being home?

How do you have small talk over such questions? “Trip was good. Don’t have plans. Being home is nice”. But really, there is so much mumbo jumbo going on in my head right now!

I had grand plans for when I would return. I would settle in for a week or so. Do some easy routes. Then I would activate crush mode, crushing everything in the Grampians and Arapiles. In addition to being turbo, I would be earning huge wads of cash through some unknown brilliant scheme- saving for my next massive road trip. I would be so happy! Climbing in perfect crisp conditions. Earning tonnes of money. Seeing my friends. Sleeping in my own bed.

Ah. But alas, this was not the case.

Job was nothing. I still have not discovered how to find a job flexible enough for me to climb when I want. Long story short- I got on the dole. Or “Newstart Allowance” would be its politically correct name. Very depressing moment in my life, queuing up in the line at Centrelink. But, yay! Money while looking for jobs, which I was going to do anyway. Not without attending half a dozen interviews and filling out a whole trees worth of forms first though.

Seems like I lucked out on the job hunting last week. One of my best friends from University quit her job, and her replacement broke his foot! Bad for him, good for me! Temporary, casual job doing Exercise Rehab! Amazing. Only a couple hundred hours more and I will become an Accredited Exercise Physiologist. Now doesn’t that sound fancy compared to a dole bludger! Hopefully it can lead into a more permanent position. The work is interesting (most of the time), super close to my house, and everyone is lovely! It’s nice to have money put in my bank account for the first time in 14 months. Stress relief.

As for climbing. That has not been so good. I feel a bit tired. And my motivation fluctuates immensely from day to day. Sometimes I am so psyched I could burst from every orifice of my body! I think about climbing all day and my hands get all sweaty and my tummy gets all tingly! I have moments where I scare myself as to how obsessive this hobby is for me, and I think I should get something else in my life for balance. I just can’t help how much I love it. But then, after last weekend I was done. The more I thought about climbing, the more I beat myself up over how I am not satisfied with my climbing at the moment. Not technical enough. Not strong enough. Not fit enough. Bad headspace. Haven’t climbed or bouldered anything in over a month. Fail.

But then my sensible self (and KP) says- “Don’t worry. It will come”. I have started work so haven’t got out much. And I have had pretty terrible weather conditions (6 out of 7 wet days) at the Gramps (KP says I have become a conditions snob). People in Melbourne work so I have less partner options. I have had a cold on and off since returning (which makes me think I might need a break). And, reality is, I am not on a climbing trip anymore and I need to suck it up. Change my expectations. Make the most of the time I have....and go to the Blue Mountains for two weeks! Psyched!

So I am off tomorrow for two weeks of crimping on razors (so I’ve heard, I’ve never been). Let’s see if I can get one route done! If not, I am pretty sure I will successfully have a good time drinking coffee and wine with my friend, Helen, who left me in Melbourne, what seems like a lifetime ago. Oh, and my imaginary friend flies back to Australia tomorrow. After successfully selling our Renault Kangoo (so sad!) he is on a four day epic journey home. Exciting stuff! Looking forward to two weeks of regaining confidence on rock, and more importantly, enjoying life!

I managed to unsuccessfully blog about Christmas in Poland, Fontainebleau, Switzerland and Round Two of Spain, but oh well. It was all AWESOME. How’s that for being succinct.

Quote of last weekend:
“Take that” KP while falling on Spankin’ the Monkey Bars at Kindergarden.

Dre.

My new life as a home renovator.

Roo at Stapylton.

Sunset from Centinal Cave.

KP in awe of the light on Centinal Cave.

Temper Tantrums

2010-06-22T19:14:00.004+10:00

It must have been about this time last year that Joshy put Academia (31) to bed... The tick though, wasnt without It's dramas including a couple of falls from the final easy moves... Now I wasnt there there to witness the result of these gaylords, but I have it on good authority that it looked something like this...

Enjoy.

Coffee, Beer, Masterchef, Foosball, UFC, Sleep overs, and a little bit of bouldering

2010-06-21T12:52:00.027+10:00

Ok, so this is a little late, but I've finally found the time and concentration ability to write a blog report. So, first thing first, some of you haven't heard from me for a while. Up until about 2 months ago, I was suffering from 50hr work weeks, very little sleep, and no climbing due to a chronic back injury that had me out of action since october last year. But things are now back on track and I've been quickly regaining some form, getting out on the boulders and having a good time.

A big weekend of action was had Queens birthday long weekend, where a whole crew crashed Arnies pad in Ararat for the the 3 day. Up to 10 people made themselves welcome to Simons hospitality, eating his food, drinking his coffee and wine, and respectfully throwing games of foosball to boost his already belated ego! It was also Joshs' birthday on the Saturday, so many drinks were had on the Friday night.

The Saturday found us in Andersons mucking about. Simon and the Raven both did Mexican Delight V9 quickly, and did Josh for the 3rd or 4th time. I still struggled. Philby put up a new problem he dubbed Hot Mama Vibes V6 which Raven and I flashed. It was hard enough for Simon to need a few attempts, while Joshy boy failed to haul himself up it, proclaiming once again that 'bouldering is shit'. Phil also smashed out Gasoline V8 later that day, while Josh and I (again, for the umpteenth time) fell off the top of Gripmaster V10.

Left: Pete 'The Raven' flashing Hot Mama Vibes V6.

Sunday was a late start of coffee and watching guys smash one another in the UFC. The highlight was Dan Henderson 'shutting up' Brit Michael Bisping in brutal style.

Later we headed to Hollow Mtn Cave where it was probably about 12:30pm before we started climbing. Josh and I tried American Pie V10 both with not much success. Joshy fell off the last moves of Ogre Thumb V9 and we both got fell off the end of The Devils Councilor V7. Not a good day for us.

Right: Alister knee scumming to no avail on The Devils Coulcilor V7.

Monday a slightly smaller crew head out in search of new boulders around Halls Gap. Pointed in the direction of an area dubbed 'Valley Of The Gods' we found ourselves in a jumble of house sized boulders of top quality. Warming up on some of the sweet highball faces, I went in search of some steeper lines. The 2 awesome bulges I found, brushed and and chalked quite quickly became too hard, and the more experienced duo of Simon and The Raven were called in. Simon sent them both, first with Village Of The Damned V9 and then unleashing the Old Man Power on Valley Of The Wads V11. Very impressive FA's.

Left: Arnie on the FA of Valley Of The Wads V11

Then it was time to high tail it back to Melbourne, stopping in Halls Gap for hot dogs and milkshakes, a quick play on the swing set, chasing butterflys, and a sad farewell to our man Omar, who was on a plane the next day back to work in WA for the next few months.

So a great weekend, hanging out with mates, having a laugh, a bit of climbing and heaps of fun.

Oh, and Arnie and I were both in agreeance while watching Masterchef on the Sunday night that it was hardly worth watching since Fiona got knocked out. She's smart (she has to be as a teacher), is hot, and can obioulsy cook! I want me one!

- TheBigAl

Comp kids

2010-06-07T10:22:00.003+10:00

The Vic state titles were held on the weekend at bayside rock. Alby & Dre flew the flag for the a-team with dre coming out on top in the womens open and the big al finishing a very respectable 5th in the mens. Top work kids.

I was helping out with the setting, testing & grading on Friday, in preperation for the comp. Check out the time lapse of the gym being re-created for the comp.

Bayside Boulder Bash Setting from James Kassay on Vimeo.

Reunion

2010-06-05T23:30:00.010+10:00

Howdy people,

As i'm sure you have noticed, it's been pretty quiet on the captains blog of late, but we do have an excuse. We have all been quite busy putting together a little short film, a hstorical doco of sorts which we hope will give you a bit of an idea of what the A-team got up to before we discovered the joys of climbing. The vid is below, hope you enjoy...

On the upside, now that our little side project is finished we are back and keen as! Last weekend Alby, Dre & I headed to the gramps to hit up the blocs. The weather was primo with tickage all round. We started at the snakepit on the classic Waiting in the Air (V7), super fun double dyno to a huge jug with a big fly if you miss the target hold. After a quick easy send, Alby jumped on again so I could get some pics and almost ate shit when his hand stared to slide of the jug... Thankfully he stuck it. Then we all got smashed on the hardest V6 in the world "Attack of the killer drop bears'.

Alby & Dre on waiting in the air (The look on Dre's face in classic!!)

Off to the Kindy, Alby & Dre smashed a quick send of the soft Hairbo Boulder (V7/9) which is a fun little two mover. I sent Spanking the Monkey Bars direct (V8), dre sorted the moves on the original bars and Alby made some great progress on 'So you think you can dance' (V12), watch this space as I reckon he will send soon.

Dre on Hairbo Boulder (V7/9)

Sunday was spent at Andersens knockin off a few classics and some of the toughest V4's going around. Alby sent a great looking highball 'The great discovery' (V7) and Dre pulled out all the stops to finally send the hardest V4 in the universe. A quick flash of Rise of the Machines (V7) for Dre to round out the day topped off a pretty successfull weekend.

Dre on Golden Oldie (V4)

Dre on Golden Oldie (V4)

Dre on Rodeo Girl (V8)

Wedding Bells

2010-04-15T00:02:00.002+10:00

Ok this is a wierd time for a post...

but i'm sitting at Box Hill ED waiting for my partner to finish her paper work. I just plucked a piece of chicken the size of a golf ball from an 80 year old woman. saved the day you might say......well bit of a fluke, that said gotta make this quick.

last weekend we ditched climbing plans to get shot with rubber balls filled with paint. it was fucking awesome, and all in the name of Philby's bucks arvo/night. good performances by Big Al, Phil and I proved that the A-Team ain't just one pretty face and two ok ones (plus Dre - O/S). Dishonerable mention goes to KP who according to most, stood at the back hoping to be out of range, haha nice one dude all in good fun.

Phil - Hats off to you buddy, you're getting hitched to an awesome girl.
Alicia - you know he has small hands right????!!!!

So with that, no climbing this weekend, the wedding is Saturday. Phil will be away on honeymoon for a while, but Al and I will hold up the Melbourne contingent til then.

More grannys to put back to bed :)

-Grosey

Catalunya

2010-04-10T09:22:00.005+10:00

Catalunya is an area in the North of Spain. From my understanding, some Catalunyans prefer not to be referred to as ‘Spanish’ but ‘Catalan”. They have their own language. A separate regional flag. Some proud individuals claim it to be the economic king of Spain- keeping Spain out of debt. Shops still close in the middle of the day for Siesta, but in general, the Catalans are very hard working. Maybe even comparable to ze Germans. 10 hour work days are not uncommon.

If anyone is at all interested in clipping bolts, Catalunya is a must stop. The amount of immaculate rock in this area is unlimited. Terradets. Oliana. Santa Linya. Montgrony. Mont Sante. Margalef. Siurana. And so much more. I spent just under two months in the region of Catalunya. Three weeks post Kalymnos, then another three weeks post Christmas. Despite spending this amount of time there, I would say I attempted maybe a mere 0.0001% of routes. Every crag you go to, there will be locals, crushing everything. Spain as a population, has got to have the largest percentage of talented climbers in the world I have seen. Back in Oz, I see person after person in the gym, strong and fit, but never applying that ability to rock. In Spain, I see person after person at the crag, going bolt to bolt, and never letting go. Onsighting 8b is common occurrence. After some interrogation as to how they get so fit. The secret; climb rock. Any chance you get. Climb rock. Gym? Rarely ever. Maybe to get some power. Sure, the elite train concurrently- in the gym and rock. But, in general, get outside and have fun is my interpretation.

While in Kalymnos, I was lucky enough to have some local Catalan friends, Steve and Marieta keep watch of my Kangoo. This allowed me to fly from Barcelona to Athens, then catch a ferry from Athens to Kos, then another boat from Kos to Kalymnos. Epic journey but better than driving from Barcelona to Greece, paying tolls and fuel along the way, and paying to get the car back and forth on ferry.

On return to Barcelona, Super Steve picked Doug and I up from the airport and brought us to their home. They cooked a wonderful meal, and offered us their motorhome bed for the night. The next night, was a party! Spanish style ‘pica-pica’. The party was for Marieta’s father’s involvement and dedication to their mountaineering club. Everybody brought a dish of food, and ate and drank the night away. I, myself on the other hand, drank too much wine too quickly, crashed and burned, and fell asleep before dessert. Lame.

The following three weeks was spent climbing around Catalunya. It was an unusually cold winter this year and I really struggled during December. I hate the cold, and don’t cope very well at all. I don’t think a day went past where I didn’t think about catching the next flight home. The thought of laying around on the beach with all my friends was so much more appealing than sleeping in my car, waking up to frozen water bottes near my head. I would wake up in the morning, dreading the thought of getting out from my doona and two sleeping bag system, only to begin my layer system- thermal trousers, trousers, leg warmers, two thermals, windstopper, down jacket, scarf, beanie and gloves. Eating breakfast outside in temps of sub two, sometimes in snow, were not the ideal start to the day. Climbing at the crag was not feasible pre midday or post 4pm, because the rock would be ice any earlier, or dark any later. I found it almost impossible to warm up and get muscle fibres firing. My hands were numb. My feet numb. My shoulders and neck felt constantly tensed. Any time out of bed was spent shivering. Terrible for recovery. Terrible for trying to redpoint. Terrible for motivation. Terrible for my happiness. Terrible for my soul!
By some miracle, I did manage to do some climbing. There were some key south facing areas, if on a clear day, were bearble. “Perfect conditions” to some, not so perfect for others.

Terradets: Bruixes

An amazing ‘wave’ looking wall which is slightly overhanging and densely concentrated with about 50 routes from grade 7a-8b. Perfect for winter. This cliff is classic limestone, intermittently dispersed with tufas. Chose a grade, see if it’s free, get on, and chances are, it’s an amazing rockclimb! The climbing is generally pumpy and consistent, with cruxes, but not complete stoppers. So, if you are fit, go for the onsight! The tufa climbing is less three-dimensional than Rodellar and Kalymnos, but still a lot of fun.

I must admit, all routes I did on this wall were great, but no one line blew me away. There are still many more routes on my wish list here, but there are a few I managed to tick off. Oh, and I must do a “thanks” to the ‘Terradets Hotel’ café where I spent hour after hour, day after day using their free wifi. Heaters. And drinking good café con leché with pastries. Saviour from the cold during nights of -10 deg.

Jam session 7b onsight
Orient 7c onsight
Occident 7c+
Derribos Arias 7b+
Energia Positiva 7c+ flash
Latido del Miedo 8a (completed post Christmas)

Montgrony
After my first day at Montgrony I would have said “I blame Doug” for the visit. But now, I suppose I should say “I thank Doug”. Montgrony has a famous route called “Aromes du Montgrony”. Doug was told about it from a friend back home and at any chance he could talk about it, he would. Rumour was, if you like tufas, this is the ultimate. Montgrony is completely south facing and at 1300m; meaning damn cold on a cloudy winter’s day.

On the first day, the sun was out and there were about 30 people at the crag. One other girl was trying to redpoint it, while her friend was on a rope trying to take pictures. She looked strong. She was little, but strong, with ‘Fixe’ and ‘Tenaya” all over her- like a sponsored climber. Hmm. My chances were not looking good after she fell, and told me how this route ‘had cost [her] a lot”. I later found out it took her 10 attempts, despite being an 8b+ climber.

My first time up this route was epic! It took me what felt like hours to gain the mere 30m. The headspace I was in, was not very productive. This route is a powerful 8a+ with three distinct sections. The first third climbs the combination of three separate tufas. Unravelling an efficient sequence proved to be quite technical and unlikely. Before leading into the second third of the route, there is a ledge, where you get an awkward crouch/no hands rest. Soon after embarking the second third of climbing, a deep pump settles in up the pure pinching of a singular tufa, which widens as you gain height. The top of this tufa widens to an almost “body humping’ size in which you compress with your knees and palms. I hated this section. I went up this route once on the first day, unable to work past this section. I took fall, after fall, after fall.

On the second day, I managed to dog my way to the top twice. I was exhausted and sore and this route felt utterly impossible. I was able to complete the top third, which is tricky face climbing on good holds after a good, awkward rest. At the end of the day, I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do. I really wanted to do the route, but at the same time I was hating it. It was so powerful! And ugly thrutching/humping. And hard!

So the next day, I found a swimming pool to do some laps and some stretching. To stay warm, I stayed in a café for a couple of hours, drinking coffee, eating pastries and playing chess. The temperature in the town of Ripoll was literally freezing! Terrible resting temps!

Doom day. I wanted to leave Montgrony as soon as possible. I wanted to go somewhere warmer because the forecast was to get arctic. This final cloudy day, Doug and I were the only people at the crag. I tried to warm up wearing a pair of thermal pants, trousers, woollen leg warmers, two thermal jumpers and two beanies. After a short rest, I decided to go for it. Confidence and morale was low on embarking the redpoint, but I managed to fight my way through the bottom two thirds. At the awkward rest before the final head wall, I shook out and shook out but was chronically pumped, with completely numb feet. I had to just go. I am so embarrassed at how badly I climbed this last section of rock- it was appalling! My numb feet kept popping off holds! So I was cutting loose and gripping on as hard as I possibly could. Then I would thrutch to the next hold, and not be able to get my feet up, and stuff the sequence up. Then my feet would blow again. Oh! I thought I was off for sure- each and every last move for the last eight metres. Miraculously, I clipped the chains and descended. On landing, Doug yelled at me for taking five years off his life.

Santa Linya
The cave where the strong men play. If I could climb 8b and up, I would love this place. But at the moment, unfortunately, I can’t. Maybe one day? On my first day here, I felt like such a bumbly! I was surrounded by the world’s best sport climbers, hiking up 8b+, 8c second go. Edu Marin almost sent his 9a link up three times in one day, and I was falling my way up a 7c+.

The climbing in the Santa Linya cave is solid and powerful. The 7a I was trying to warm up on has a dyno from a two finger pocket at the top. The cave is steep, with holds really far apart, and not a lot of good feet.

I have spent about four days climbing in this cave, and done one 7a, in terms of climbing. In terms of viewing, I saw Chris Sharma complete his long standing project, Neanderthal. It was quite surreal really. Everyone in the cave stopped what they were doing, and watched as Chris climbed one of the hardest sport routes in the world. The camera was rolling. The yelling was switched on. And he climbed to the top of the cave. It’s absolutely mind boggling as to how hard that route is, and how it is possible for the human body to accomplish such a feat.

At first I was disheartened as to how weak I felt. But in hindsight, I leave knowing I can get better. A lot better. I watched a lot of very strong, talented people do amazing things over those few days. It made me realise how high the standard is, and has inspired me to be a better climber. Reality is, I have a lot of work to do!

Oliana
For full value of this cliff, the ability to climb 8b is a minimum. However, it was rumoured there was a classic 8a, ‘Mishi’ definitely worth the drive for. So, the journey was made via an amazing bakery in Artesa, along with two English friends, Neil and Ruth.

I spent two days on Mishi, and for the first time ever, I needed to take ibuprofen to relieve the intense burning sensation of my fingertips! There is a bouldery crux start, leading into an almost vertical head wall of about 30m. Post crux, there was my own personal crux. A thrutchy, awkward, reachy sequence on sharp holds after a decent run out. I tried this section time and time again, loosing precious layer after layer of skin. Sheer pain and frustration!
Sending day involved a warm up and dogging session. Then a nap and laze about in the sun, until shade on the cliff at about 5pm. Then redpoint! Such relief!

Post Christmas Spain stint
After Christmas (I’ll blog this adventure seperately) I returned to Spain to get pumped. During the Christmas/New Year period, Doug and I Ieft our car with some new found friends- Team Britain; Tom, Lynne and Alan. This British trio live with about half a dozen chickens, three dogs- one giant Schnauzer; Harry, Ellie (who was on heat while we were there, meaning super snappy) and poor little Dillan. During our stay, they also acquired a stray cat- now named Baldrick. I like to call this humble abode- Farmville in Vilanova de la Sal.

Team Britain were kind enough to offer us a roof over our heads for the icy winter period of January. It was so amazing to have a house to go back to at the end of a climbing day, especially after my near breakdown over December. However, Farmville in Vilanova de la Sal is not perfect. Spanish houses are not built for winter- meaning insulation and heating are abysmal. This one house felt like a house with extension after extension. No natural light. No insulation. No heaters, just one fireplace, which even my 10 year old sister could have engineered better. I swear there were days it was colder in the house than out. Returning from a climbing day and starting a fire was epic. It was epic, but at least we could start a fire. And use a kitchen, instead of squat around an MSR in the dirt outside…

It was a good team system really. Team Britain would work late, and return at around 11pm some nights. So, in return for a roof, each night, Doug would start a fire and I would start the evening meal. So, come home time, the table would have freshly baked muffins, bread, soup, pumpkin pie, cupcakes... curry....pizza...apple crumble...much to Alan’s dismay (who was on a diet- as every second sport climber is).

Majority of crags in Catalunya were wet after the Christmas period, all bar one- Disblia. I spent every climbing day here, minus two in just over two weeks.
I felt pretty rusty for the first couple of days, after having three weeks off over Christmas. After a few routes, some fitness returned and I started to seige Patiasso al Pallaso. Patiasso is meant to be the classic 8a of the crag. There are a set of chains at a semi good hold, which gets a separate grade of 7c+, or you continue through a bouldery crux up a shield. This extra grade cost me numerous days, and so much frustration! I spent the most amount of time on this route, than any other route IN MY LIFE. No exaggeration. I didn’t think I would ever do this route. Each time I went up, I would only progress half a crux move, if that. I had no power endurance- I knew it was bad because each time I fell, I needed a couple minutes to try and catch my breath from holding it for so long. So, it was my last climbing day before I had to leave for Paris. I had just taken a rest day. I warmed up and felt like Super Woman. I was determined not to add another unfinished project to the Europe list- I sent Patiasso al Pallaso first go. Psyched. I then tried a 7c+ to the right of it and failed twice. Not so psyched. Didn’t feel like Super Woman for long...

My last night in Spain was spent at Farmville- sharing a good meal and good wine with Team Britain, plus Neil and Ruth- an English couple I met in Rodellar. It was another sad moment in the morning when I had to say farewell. I have come to dread these moments more and more. I enjoy so much meeting the amazing characters that have made this trip so memorable. Each and every person brings their own dynamic, as annoying or seemingly insignificant it may seem at the time, but when reflected on later, is fondly remembered and appreciated. As much as I enjoy the climbing in Spain, I appreciate the atmosphere and the wonderful people I have spent my time with more than any other destination. So, on departure for Fontainebleau, I borrowed a pad from Team Britain- certain I would return! Too scared to say “Good-bye” but rather, “see you later”.

Dre.

Weekend Roundup

2010-03-22T21:23:00.007+11:00

Another weekend of more gramps action this time with Chris & the J-man Pipertron. Thwarted on the plans to get on serpentine by ze germans, we headed to millenium. Chris revisited Eat More Lard (31/8b) and made great progress, nailing the crux move a few times, and getting pretty close on the link. A freakin good effort considering the conditions.

Chris mid crux

Just missing it..

I decided to have a play on Breathing Gasoline (8a+/30), and went suprisingly well. Bar one move down low, I climbed comfortably through all the sections and did the crux easily 2nd pull. 2nd burn, I got some really good links. Super keen to get back on it, certainly one of the best hard routes ive been on, with amazing rock, awesome moves and a wicked crux... Its just Stellar! Some pics below courtesy of the J-man.

Moving into the 1st crux

The first crux

Top crux, truely awesome sequence

More to come!

Kalymnos- “climbers paradise”

2010-03-15T06:42:00.005+11:00

So it’s been another two months since my last post. This post is in regard to Kalymnos in October, four month ago. Excuse the lateness.

I think I came from the wrong kind of climbing trip to fully appreciate Kalymnos for what it has to offer. You must understand I worked for a year trying to save money for this trip- a trip I initially intended to be six months long. Not long after embarking on the dirtbag, travelling, climber’s lifestyle did I decide to extend my trip to a year. So my six month budgeting was stretched to one year.

Before I left home, Kalymnos was on my list- no doubt about it, I was going. I had heard the climbing is perfect, atmosphere is perfect, food is perfect, beaches perfect- pretty much everything was perfect. I am not a cynical person, but I would like to think realistic. So, this kind of hype made me quite dubious. I didn’t want to expect too much, in fear of disappointment, but at the same time couldn’t help but grin from ear to ear in anticipation, naturally right? Climbing on a Greek island? Sounds perfect in theory.

Well, after one month on this island, my consensus is that it’s not perfect. I was there from the end of October to the end of November- the tail end of peak climber’s season. It felt a little “Hollywood teen horror movie” ish toward the end. For example:

- When I arrived there were people everywhere. All shops, restaurants and bars oozing party vibes. One week after arrival, nine out of 10 shops/restaurants closed. Where did everyone go? And so suddenly? Back to the UK. Direct flights to the UK ended first week of November- might be a likely answer.

- Kalymnos has an airport, but its runway is very badly situated. Kalymnos is also quite renowned for crazy storms and strong gails. So if there is the slightest hint of a storm, or breeze, flights and boats get cancelled. And in result, people miss connecting flights. Stranded on the island until the storm passes.

- I paid in advance to stay at a large apartment block for three weeks. It was a money saving technique- pay cash up front, and you pay less overall. Great concept. However, during my stay I had regular power outages. This meant I couldn’t turn on lights, or cook anything on my electric stovetop. The cause of these outages? Who knows. Island mystery. Since handing over my big wad of cash to a greasy Greek lad in white Adidas trousers, I could never find him again. On my second last night, I entered my room to find an old oil lamp and a note saying, “You may not have power tonight. So sorry. Big problem for all the town”. I thought about asking the only other people staying there about it, but they had disappeared. I was sure they were meant to be there another week? I went for a walk that night, and it was quite obvious lights were on everywhere but in my room. On my last night, the water was also cut. Sorry, but couldn’t clean the bowls I ate muesli in for breakfast, and dinner! Bastardo.

- During these last few frustrating days, Doug was trying to make a phone call back home on a payphone. Who knows why, but the payphones weren’t working. No power. No payphones. Odd.

Majority of locals were friendly. But I got the vibe I wasn’t the shop owners “friend” like they kept calling out as I walked past. “We have good food” shouted from a restaurant owner induced a “laughing out loud” moment because this was the one place I was warned of serving “good food with complimentary gastro”. Very Thailand-esk.

There are small kiosks all around Massouri. My theory is, the weirder the owner, the cheaper the food. If you want normal service- you pay more. Eg. Milk prices
Shop with morbidly obese, filthy, drooling, falls-asleep-while-serving-you-man: 1.10€
Shop with slick haired, super tidy, doesn’t-stop-talking, “buy from me, not big supermarkets, because I support the climbing community” man: 1.20€
Shop with modest greek lady: 1.40€
Supermarket in Pothia: 1€ + 1€ for a bus ticket.

Scooters- creators of the noise pollution that is killing Kalymnos.
I have never held such large disdain towards motor vehicles until my time on Kalymnos. This island is small, with 80% of crags within walking distance from the majority of accommodation for climbers. I always thought climbers were generally an environmentally conscious crew of peeps. Enjoy the climbing for the scenery. Be out in the fresh air. Get some exercise amongst Mother Nature’s playground. Blah blah. Sure, I am no angel with the amount of miles I cover driving to the Grampians, but where my patience stretches is when I see 20 scooters at the base of the Grande Grotto. Literally 1km from town. A leisurely 10 minute walk along a flat road. And if you have ever walked along a road with 20 scooters hurtling past, you would appreciate my level of hearing damage. I often mistook the approaching noise as the old local bus, but no. Scooter. And if I had a blindfold on, you would think the smell from that scooter were from a Bangkok pile up. Walking around Pothia seemed more dangerous to me than the misconceptions Europeans hold of the wild snakes and poisonous spiders out to get you in Australia.

Beaches- my biggest disappointment
My assumption is Kalymnos beaches are for postcards and summer only. “Pollution free beaches” claims the 35€ guidebook. It’s as though the council ensures the beaches are clean for the masses during summer, and then they go away on holiday and desert the place. As I went for a walk along the beach, I thought to myself, “wow- bins on the beach. That’s great”. Then realised this concept is completely counterproductive seeing as the bins clearly weren’t emptied on a regular basis. There was rubbish everywhere, overflowing out of the bin and into the water.

Kalymnos as a business
I don’t like it when I feel pressured by the people around me to spend money. Yea sure, I understand the whole economic crisis thing. Money makes the world go round stuff. But I have put myself in the “you are exempt from all normal social obligations” category for one year. Eg. I don’t have to pay 5€ a night to camp. I don’t need a new outfit every weekend. I don’t need to spend 50€ to have a good night out. I don’t need make-up. I don’t need to shower every day- only on rest days. I don’t need a hairdresser. I can cut my own hair with my cars side mirror...
So, when I arrived on Kalymnos it was all quite a shock to the system. I was spending 50€ a week in Rodellar. In total. Expenses were food and showers. That’s it. Then! On this island everything costs more. And it all added up quick. Accomodation. Occasional buses. Food from supermarkets. Eating out at restaurants. About 80% of the climbers ate out every night. Bam! 35€ in one day. I could see myself going home sooner than I hoped. I don’t know where the rumour came from, but I was often told it was almost the same price to buy food to cook from the small shops at Masouri, compared to eating out at a restaurant. Maybe it was comparable financially. But those deep fried honey covered dough balls were not helping my muffin tops over my harness.

“Holiday Grading”
I hate this term. I screw my face up to anyone who utters these words. Every time I mentioned Kalymnos, it was bound to be followed by “Oh, you’ll love the holiday grading!” In fact, I hate all debates of ‘soft’ or ‘hard’ for the grade routes. Grades for routes are on a continuum. And are circumstantial for every person and every day. Tall. Short. Crimpy. Slopey. Pumpy. Bouldery. Steep. Slab. Crack. Pockets. Then conditions! Cold. Hot. Humid. Sun. Shade. Rain. What is soft for you, might be hard for me. What is hard for you, might be easy for me. Why do people think it’s cool to say everything is ‘soft’. Does saying things are soft give the impression that you are a better climber? So often I have come across walking contradictions. I see a climber fall, and fall and absolutely struggle up a route, to then hear them claim it is soft. Despite it being several grades below their RP limit. Bizarre.

So, before I even embarked on my first route on this island I expected everything to be ‘soft’. Not a good mindset to be in when on an island where the grading is as inconsistent as the Melbourne train system. I onsighted and flashed my highest grades, but also got shut down on a 6c and 7a, which were damn hard. My theory is the crags have been developed from such a vast range of climbers from all over the world, therefore different styles and standard of grades. This in effect, brings about different difficulty perceptions and large grade discrepancies. So my advice, ignore the grade, just be prepared to get pumped.

I lost psych two thirds of my way into the trip. I was running out of routes I was keen on. I wanted something different. I was getting sick of pure endurance routes on tufas after a month in Rodellar and Kalymnos. The process of finding good rests and recovering was getting tedious. All routes in the Grande Grotto were epic endurance journeys. I flashed Aegialis (7c). On the same day, onsighted Priopos (7c). A week later I spent one hour onsighting Fun du Chichunne (8a). This route weaves its way through the steep roof of the Grande Grotto, consisting of several tricky pumpy sequences intermingled with knee bar rests and no hands rests while standing on tufas. Amazingly fun route! On my last climbing day I flashed Zawinal Syndicate (7c), completing a fall free combo in the cave!

Gaia was the complete opposite of anything I have got on this trip. It’s short and hard! Eight bolts long- two of which I skip while trying to redpoint. No rests. Difficult clips. Hard to chalk up. Pure 8b power endurance. Initially I got on to just try the moves and get some power. But after the second session I could do all the moves and decided this would be my project for Kalymnos! If I do it, cool. If not, cool too. But I decided to give it a good go. Good training either way! Day four I did it in one sit. But I soon discovered one sit makes a big difference on a power endurance route. Again, no send in my final days, but one day, I’ll go back and send. I’ll do some bouldering circuit training and achieve what seems utterly impossible at the moment...maybe.

Kalymnos is a very luxurious crag. You stay in a nice apartment as opposed to the dirt. You can shower (in salt water) morning, afternoon and night. If it’s too hot, you can swim in the Mediterranean. You don’t have to cook in the dark at the end of a long day, you can sit and click your fingers in a nice restaurant for reasonable prices. You can walk (or scooter) to a crag and find arrows and signs everywhere. Route names painted in blue below every route. If you’re lucky, you’ll even find the crag name written on the ground. According to the guidebook, every route is world class. “Musical” or three stars are the average standard. If you don’t find anything you fancy, go to the tourism office and they will supply you with free bolts, a drill to create your own masterpiece and instructions. Perfect right? Depends what you are in to.

Dre.
P.S. Bakery in Pothia- best baklava in the world. A must visit! Get the chocolate cake too. If you go frequently enough, you might get a free piece! ;)

The future of the A-team

2010-03-12T09:30:00.002+11:00

Just a quick note of congratulations to A-team friend Chris 'Tickles' Ticknor & his lovely wife Alison on the arrvival of their new baby girl Nora. Rumor has it that upon entering the big wide world, the little tike cranked out a few one armers and was heard to ask 'where the blocs at?" Needless to say, i'm sure we can expect big things in the future. :)

All the best guys.

Allez Allez

2010-03-08T12:22:00.006+11:00

Well it’s been a long time since my last update, mostly due to the fact that I spent most of last year on the bench with an assortment of injuries. That said, there has actually been quite a bit happening over the past few months, so I thought a bit of an update may be in order.

Joshy & KP hit Thailand over new year’s chasing sunshine, beach babes, buckets of booze & soft ticks. Joshy had a fairly productive trip and managed to knock over a few classics in between bouts of partying & extreme Tonsai-tummy, the highlight being a buzzer beater ascent of Jai Dum (8b/31) a couple of days before he had to leave. He also managed to knock of a bunch of other classics including Art & Sport, Phet Mak, Sex Power, Elephant and a heap more.

The red duck (KP) was also in fine form, although finding it hard to get motivated early on, he managed to get his shit together and jump on board the send train. Highlights included starting fights with crazy Norwegians’, an ascent of Art & Sport (8a+/30) and the multipitch classic Kitty Porn (7c+/28). The big fella is now hitting the Grampians for the next 4-5 weeks, before heading off to Europe for an extended trip.

It seems I may be finally escaping team injured. My climbing year started well. I had a great 10 day trip to araps with leash, staying with the Mofo's and a hoard of others. The plan was to take it pretty easy and test out the old body, do some mileage and try to start getting back into the game. Leash & I did a bunch of classic trad routes in the 16-21 bracket that I’d never done before. It reminded me how much the mount can bring you back down to Earth when your peakin off your head on something well below your limit.

After a few days I decided to jump on a few harder things. I ended up doing the classic Wackford Squeers (26) and Power Corruption & Lies (27) 2nd shot. At the end of the trip the body was feeling good and I was as psyched as I have ever been.

Me on Wackford Squeers (26)

After getting back from the mount I started training again, bouldering and running laps at the hanger. I had a few days in Sydney bouldering at a few of the gyms up there and was starting to feel as strong as I ever had. About 3 weeks back, Chris and I headed to the gramps and had a great weekend despite the 35 degree temps. We checked out the Tower, which is a really nice spot. Great rock which is remarkably similar to Taipan, and shade all day. Chris and I both did See the Light (22) and Terror of the Sea (25) before jumping on Super Mario Brothers Direct (27). A very bouldering start leads to awesome pumping on big jugs. Unfortunately we both pitched off just before the victory jugs , but we will certainly be back for the send, of what I think is one of the best 27’s in the Grampians.

Last weekend Chris & I headed away again, this time hitting Araps on Saturday so Chris could jump back on Lord of the Rings (31). He had an awesome burn, getting through to a new highpoint and making some good links, I have no doubt he will send it soon. I strolled over to Mysteries wall and flashed the absolutely fantastic Blue Eyed & Blonde (24), which must rank as one of my favourite 24’s anywhere. I also sent a very cool bouldery route to its right called Historic Events (26) 3rd shot. All in all a very fun day. The following day we headed to millennium so I could jump back on my long-time project, Nomads Sains & Indians (29). My intention was just to have a refresher on it to see where I was at fitness wise, but after warming up by putting the draws on; I sent it packing 1st shot of the day... Needless to say I was pretty psyched! I capped of my weekend by doing the nails ard’ Velocity of Time (26) putting the draws on. It was a great weekend for me, not just because I sent a few routes, but to finally feel like I’m starting to be able to climb to my potential without injury is a great feeling.

Nomads!!! :)

Looking forward to hitting Taipan and Muline over the next few weeks! Cant wait!This rad shot by Vera Warmbrumm has me psyched for muline!

Near Death Experience.

2010-01-12T19:28:00.002+11:00

I forgot about a story. It’s a sensitive topic for me. But it’s a story in which I would like to think could save lives! Or could at least get a few laughs.

From my experience I have realised all Europeans are terrified of the snakes, spiders, sharks and crocodiles in Australia. If a survey were conducted, I believe Tourism Australia would find this is a major misconception and factor for why people don’t visit- they just don’t want to die. They have this image in their head that spiders will crawl all over their bed. Crocodiles will roll them around their bath tub. Sharks are lurking around the beach shores ready to swallow them whole. Snakes are bursting out of toilets ready to bite them in the arse.

So, what about the warnings for Australians travelling to Europe?

I was camping in Spain, Rodellar at the massive carpark for vans/motorhomes. This area is great to sleep at, but can get very busy. One night, I needed to use the ladies room. There is a vast area to find privacy; you just have to be careful where you go. It’s not a forest. There are random walls designating pathways in all directions. It’s unlikely, but someone might walk past. Then there are prickly shrubs. I don’t know why, but 90% of shrubs in Europe have thorns. So, with a few factors to consider I went for a walk. I wore my dimming headtorch and marched into a random direction away from the carpark. I jumped a few walls and walked around a few trees and bushes. Then a few more. Then, as I started to head back to where I thought was the carpark, I realised I was kind of lost. I knew the general direction of the carpark but to get there, there was a ramp. I kept coming across a prickly vine covered wall. So as far as the best route- no idea. I don’t have the best sense of direction at the best of times, but all the wall jumping and shrubbery, and most of all, darkness, left me feeling pretty foolish. The wearing of thongs and shorts weren’t helping.

Being lost was fine- eventually I knew I would make it back. A few scratches here and there didn’t bother me at all. But! When I started to hear GRUNTS! From more than one direction. And SCRUFFLING of HOOVES on NEARBY GRASS! That’s when my heart stopped. It was a typical ‘fight or flight’ response. I stood so still. My heart pounding out of my chest. Whole body shaking. Mind racing. Thinking, “which direction should you run!? How the hell are you going to climb a prickly vine covered wall in HAVIANAS! You are going to die in Spain. By a wild boar. Find a weapon!” So I found two rocks- smaller than a football. Pretty lame huh!? My idea was, if they started to charge, I would smack it right in between its eyes- knock it out! Run to safety and live to tell the tale.

I stood there, transfixed. Listening to the grunts. Then I decided I had to move. I had to get out of there. I was so close to breaking down and yelling out. Maybe Doug would realise I had been gone an unusually long time and come to the rescue? But the humiliation! So I was on a mission. Find car! I walked and walked with those two rocks for what felt like forever. I was too scared to turn around towards the grunting but not really sure if I was going in the right direction. I have no concept of how long I was gone for, but eventually I found that damned carpark.

I walked up to the Kangoo and crawled in to lie down. I found Doug playing Quiz games on my ipod. My hero. After some calming down- realising I wasn’t going to die in Spain by a wild boar, I proceeded to tell Doug my tale. I couldn’t help but notice the smirk he was trying to hide on his face. It’s stupid I know. And you can all point and laugh at my craziness! But I have several sources confirming the presence of wild bores there. Whether you are special enough to get lost or not, that’s another issue all together. Just don’t let it be you. You’ve been warned.

Dre.
P.S. I am currently in Poland. Waiting for my third flight I've booked and paid for to get out of this country. Fingers crossed everybody!

Half empty or Half full?

2010-01-07T05:24:00.001+11:00

It is the first week of the year, and I feel obliged to attempt to fulfil my duties as the Captainette of Crush to complete a summary of the last three months. I have let a lot of time pass, and the difficult process of telling the story of my travels has had the snowball effect. My laziness has been largely exacerbated by the negative celcius temperatures I have been enduring living in my car. So please, show mercy.

I find myself trying to gather my thoughts on all that has happened since the last blog entry, and have been completely overwhelmed because as you may have noticed by my last entry- I don’t do ‘brief overview’ very well. But, I think this time, I have to try and compress my last three months, as much as it pains me, for the benefit of any sucker readers.

According to my withering two years out of university brain- I ended my last thesis at Ceuse, typing away in a hotel in Zurich with Mum-Hah. After ten days of eating, sleeping, reading, sightseeing and photo-snapping, I got a train back to my car in France. From there, I was on a mission to get to sunny Spain.
As Doug and I were driving towards the France/Spain border in the Alps, it was going dark, hilly and too much for our little Kangoo. Kangoo’s engine got too hot so in result we pulled over and slept among the Alps and woke to priceless views in the morning. Very “Mastercard Ad”-esk. As we started driving, it was gloomy, rainy, misty and damn cold. But Doug remained high spirited- “it’s always sunny in Spain!” he proclaimed. And as we entered the tunnel with our windscreen wipers on, and saw the “Espana” sign on the other side, straight ahead was a blue sky and shining sun! A few kms further I attempted to get a breakfast tan.

Further down the road we crossed a bridge, and I pointed and laughed in amazement. A man in uniform was standing on the bridge we had just crossed, holding a very large automatic weapon! Not much further down the road, we came to a halt by 10 police cars. After some translation problems, we were asked “where go you?” As calmly as I could with a gun a metre away from me I quavered a “Rodellar- escalar?” The police man then searched the car for possible Bask refugees we were trying to smuggle in among the sleeping bags. After failing to find anything but dirty clothes, we were waved on to escalar at Rodellar!

Rodellar is a climbing paradise- a valley of limestone caves and cliffs about an hour from Huesca. After walking around on the first day, I decided I needed a month there. I found myself standing under routes, back to the wall, looking at routes that ventured out as far horizontally as they did vertically. “Wake up abs!” was to be a common statement I would proclaim in the proceding month. After consulting some local friends and given tips from friends back home, I had a little ticklist.

Acravita (8a) was one of the first routes I wanted to ‘project’ in Las Ventanas. It’s about 45 deg overhanging and involves skipping a clip during the crux; which is a power endurance sequence finalised with a dyno. This is then topped out with some small crimpy holds that veer left, away from the anchor to the right. On the first day I got shut down, I couldn’t do all the moves. I felt so weak, sitting at every bolt. However, somehow, second go on the second day, it all came together. Woohoo.

What’s next? I had a few projects going at the same time during my month in Rodellar. My tactics were dependent on weather, time, how tired I felt, how inspired I was and belay options. In hindsight, I don’t advise this approach.

My main goal of Rodellar was to do Kings of Metal. Some have been so bold as to claim it’s the best sport route in the world. It is graded 8a+, about 35m long in length, and gets steeper as you get higher, maybe? So much so, that after lowering off, I needed a tea break to walk back to the base of the cliff. The first half is very three dimensional, following a combination of tufas. It gets a separate grade of 7c+ and ends at a bomber knee bar, which is essentially a no hands rest below a small roof. The second half of the route involves large moves on holds that aren’t that small, but just far apart. And steep. This route took me 10 goes over five climbing days. It doesn’t sound like much on reflection, but during the process it felt epic. This route is very hard and physical for me. I could only go up it twice a day, and initially I woke up sore the day after. I was tempted to give up after the first two days, but then decided- if I do just this one route this month, I would be happy. I fell very close to the top twice on the third and fourth day. Then on the fifth, came uncomfortably close to falling again, but fought my way through the pump that I am still recovering from today. The combination of ‘allez allez, venga! Come on! A muerte!” cheering from all around Ventanas, and the dread of having to climb this route again, kept me fighting.

So remember when I said I would be happy if I only did Kings of Metal? Well I lied. I tried a few more routes concurrently and following. Two main routes stand out- Gracias Fina and Espirit Rebelle.

I tried Gracias fina from my second week all the way through to my last day. It is an 8a at Pince Sans Rire, not quite as steep as Las Ventanas, but still steep and pumpy. I lost count of how many attempts I had over how many days. I have come to the conclusion that I didn’t take this route seriously enough. I came really close on my second day, so then decided I didn’t need to be ultra fresh to do this route. I left it for days where I was too tired to try Kings of Metal or my new project, Espirit Rebelle. Alas, in hindsight, I needed to be fresh. The closest I came was one hot, humid evening, third go, where I pushed through the crux, made it to the saviour undercut jug before the easy to the top bit. As I set off, my footer blew, my undercut jugs were deemed useless and I took a massive whipper from skipping clips.

Espirit Rebelle broke my heart. It is a (concensus is, soft) 8b in Las Ventanas. It follows tufas all the way through the cave, to finish up an easier cornery section to the top. It’s fun and really powerful for me. The moves are big and it’s damn steep. Initially, I tried it as a ‘training route’ because Doug was projecting it. I thought I would just get some power up and see if I could do the moves. Anyway, I could do the moves. On the third day I linked through the crux, and was doing the final moves to the no hands rest when I blew it. Damn. Then the rain came. And it brought friends. Damn again. So much rain! I was meant to leave Rodellar in two days. So I rested the next day, and walked up on my final climbing day to find it soaking wet, and dripping from at least every third hold. I had a teary, like an immature child.

As a consolation prize, I thought I could do Gracias Fina after doing El Delfin. I tried El Delfin (7c+) in my first week but at the end of the day. So on this final doom day, I went up El Delfin twice, and couldn’t work through the boulder crux at the end. Oh well. I went off to Gracias Fina, and couldn’t even do the crux. The heart wasn’t there; I had it set on Esprit Rebelle. I felt cheated and disappointed. I got so angry, and so sad, and cursed at myself a lot. My time at Rodellar felt utterly wasted. So much energy spent on routes I never completed, but should have. A cup half empty feeling. And yet, maybe it’s not so bad? In this one month I climbed my hardest route ever, a grade I could have never comprehended ever doing. I climbed some of the world’s best sport routes and onsighted some classics. I acquired some really good kneebar techniques and fitness. I met some beautifully friendly people. Was reunited with friends from Ceuse. Laughed till my stomach hurt around massive risotto cook ups. I got to watch world class climbers all around me every day, making me realise I am just a kid in a playground, still on the bottom rungs of the ladder, struggling my way to the top of a massive roller coaster ride.

The next day I woke up in my Kangoo to pouring rain. I ran to the refuge, ordered a cappuccino and a freshly baked chocolate croissant. I then sat in contentment while everyone around me ummed and ahhed over where to go, while I myself knew I would be in Kalymnos in 48 hours. Doug drove the car away from Rodellar while I sat in the passenger seat awfully close to hurling from car sickness. Thanks Rodellar!

After a day city touring around Barcelona and drinking hot chocolates, I slowly made my way to the so called ‘climbers paradise’- Kalymnos. I got a lot to say about that little island so I will begin my next entry there. I got a feeling I’ve failed at “compressing”, but if I “categorise” maybe that will do?

Till next time...
Dre.

Wrap Up

2009-12-23T20:01:00.003+11:00

Bloody hell! Where did the last couple of months go? Our lack of crushing has not been without good reasons.

So what has been happening.........in a nut shell please?

After Melbourne's crazy heatwave in early spring, the A-Team took a break from training, and started doing normal people stuff, like going out, drinking, spending money on shit we don't need. Around the same time I also had my final exams for Uni, so it was a good time to take some time off. Since then my housemates and I have been evicted from Rathdowne Street.....of course a munty eviction party was in order. The Armageddon on Rathdowne party was the highlight of the spring carnival season. Following this, Al and I both found ourselves very distracted with girls, myself not venturing out of the house for 2 weeks.....needless to say, climbing was the last thing on my mind. Recently due to losing a battle in court, worthy of Napoleon himself, well actually it was only an hour and I didn't really get sweaty or anything, I've since taken a job with an outdoor retailer. My role (only 1 month contract) was to set up a new Kathmandu store on Chapel St, followers of our blog my remember this street is to me what good writing is too teenage vampire swoon flicks, incompatible. Drop in, its great, no air conditioning, and a cupboard full of faulty products returned, and only after 10 days of open trade.

Well ok, so here's something about climbing......Al is still taking a break and Phil is fully injured again. Man, if Phil wasn't so hairy I'd wrap him in cotton wool.....oh wait, actually he's shaved his chest just the other day. Looking hot mate! Myself, well I'm actually off to Thailand on Friday night.

Thailand - the one climbing/vacation destination I'd thought I'd never visit. Couple of reasons; I don't consider myself a "tourist" in fact I hate them.....yes this made talking to Kathmandu customers an exercise in tollerance, something I have very little off for idiots. Secondly, Thailand seems to be a place where everyone goes climbing. What I mean by that is, people who climb who aren't climbers (I refer to such people not with distain but merely observation - like if I was to go surfing I wouldn't call myself a surfer -kinda thing yeah?) seem to have climbed there. Then there is a bunch of people in their own sub category - those who thing Thai fisherman pants are cool, and where them to the gym....fuck off, they look stupid, mainly cause you ain't Thai or a fisherman. The rock is limestone, and due to the humidity and the traffic (human of course) it is polished. This sounds awfully similar to a place I wish I hadn't spent much time, El Chorro in southern Spain. Not only were the grades soggy, but the place was full of English Geezer wannabes. Both El Chorro and Thailand are what I've considered 'Climbing Holiday' destinations as opposed to a climbing destination.

That said, before you all jump up and down and say, ' you are an idiot, how can you comment on a place you haven't been to?' or 'fisherman pants are cool', I'll say you're right, except the douchebag with the pants comment. Regardless of the reasons I've never gone over, I'm actually really excited about going to a "holiday climbing" spot for 3 and a half weeks. I need a holiday. I haven't been away since my Castle Hill trip in '07, with good reasons...mainly accident last year and no money. So I'm heading over with Kent "KP" Patterson, and a couple of girls Alex and Rachel from the Munt crew. Of the group I'm the only one who wasn't been there, and as of today, Wednesday I'm pretty psyched. I have spoken to mates (Philby, Patty Turner, and Timmy Le) and have got an idea of routes I wanna try. Apart from the climbing I'm just psyched on getting outta melbourne, and lounging around on the beach (this is a new concept to me - tourism shit). Anyway should be good, and i'll let you know how it goes.

Ok guys, so 2009 has been good for some, and not for others. Some projects were ticked, others still wait. Douchebags were named and shamed, internet slaging wars were fought through chockstone, facebook and some dating site I wont' mention....there were no winners. So merry Christmas, that is if you celebrate it, and Have a great New Year. 2010 will be a great year for Victorian climbing, can feel it in me bones!

Peace out guys!

- Grosey

Where did Spring Go?

2009-11-12T16:22:00.004+11:00

Well again I haven't be very active on our bloggy log.

Ok, it has come to my attention that Victoria has been denied one of our seasons. Spring is no longer, or better still, never was. What is the deal with that? One week of fine weather does not constitute a season. Wet winter now heatwave with Horsham topping the 40 degree mark already. Normally I would still head out and have a crack....last summer Nick Sutter and I were out climbing on the infamous 'Black Saturday'...of course had we known it was going to be that bad we'd probably stayed home. That said, I'm now over it....perhaps its the heat and I'm just not used to it. It could also have something to do with Uni continuing to shaft me like Lex Steele, with placements spread all over the state and over a time period double what was originally put. Or maybe its cause we're getting evicted and I have to move out in the next couple of days.

Well enough bitching like I have wet panties...Good news I'm off to Thailand. Never thought I'd go over there, just seems like a tourist climbing destination somewhat like El Chorro in Spain, which was good for a day and only in any area that was 40 mins drive from town, Desplomilandia (spelling??). It was a spur of the moment decision and I'm sure as with most of my impulsive choices this will work out to be awesome. I'm heading over with Kent 'KP' Patterson, and some of Team Munt. A few weeks of climbing and lying on the beach, and a week of partying hard (not full moon but some sweet Psytrance party on Koh Tao) will be good for me before starting my real job at the end of January. Sick, I'm psyched.

Ok, well I'm going to get back to packing and I guess sunbaking, as they're the only useful/useless things I can do in this heat.

- Grosey

Sick again....

2009-10-20T13:46:00.002+11:00

So why am I sitting here on a Tuesday when I should be off at the daily grind of work? I'm sick, thats why. I hate this feeling. This is my second week off training. I decided to take 2 weeks off to rest my body and renew some motivation. I was feeling broken and exhausted, work was slamming me, and I'd not had a weekend at home resting for quite a while. So 2 weeks chilling, soothing sore muscles was going to be the plan. All I want to do now is get back in the gym to train and get fit for routes. Finger still feels a bit iffy, but it should be fine.

But a big weekend out with mates has meant I've pulled up rather shit, I think its the flu. Damn! So after I could barely drag my sorry ass from bed at 4am this morning, I called in sick and have speant the majority of the day in my room watching TV episodes and trawling climbing sites.

Which is why I'm posting this video. I came across it in my time wasting, and thought it was great. It goes for about 26 minutes, but I found it heaps motivating. Hopefully it gets some of you guys out there a bit psyched too. Enjoy.

Obsession from Chris Doyle on Vimeo.

Oktoberfest

2009-10-13T17:27:00.016+11:00

Well not much beer in this post, sorry.

This post will be short and sweet......hopefully.

What's been happening in the world of Victoria's most laudable (or is that laughable) climbing coterie?

Heaps....

First up we've ended the winter with another bouldering trip, this time for photos for Dave and Chris' new bouldering guide book. This basically involved running around between three areas trying lots of problems in the middle grades trying to look good, something we are accustomed to. During this time, I managed the second ascent of Mexican Delight, a 4 move wonder that punches through a steep little roof. Ol' Vinny Day opened this problem a few weeks ago, giving it a V9 grade. In the same area of Anderson's, Phil did Rodeo Girl, V8. Another little roof problem which utilises to hooks and a bit of core. I was also able to use my lank to flash this problem.

Here is a shot of Al on his V6, aptly named Pebble Slab. And one of me on Mexican Delight, courtesy of Justin Power.

For more photos visit.
http://jpower.smugmug.com/Sports/Climbing/7914026_NjHcW#513344089_unQst

Or Wait for the Guidebook or next issue of Rock to come out, choice is yours.

When the weather warms up its time to hit the routes again. Last weekend was a lot of fun....mainly cause it had been so long since I'd clipped the chains on anything I'd almost forgotten how to do it. After pulling a hissy fit a few weeks ago (falling from the last moves of things cause you're stupidly pumped sucks), I managed to give ammunition to those calling me the new Greg Norman. I pretty much let go on the last section of Academia, 31 on Spurt Wall.

Fortunently I am putting those claims on the back burner for at least another week, as I got my arse up that thing on the last go of the day (most likely forever). This route is basically a boulder problem for 3 bolts worth of climbing then an easier top two thirds, and it's pretty burly. In fact when I was a mere pumper a couple of years ago when I first thought of trying it, I couldn't do more than 3 moves of the ground. Since then, I've had some time away from climbing, both in general and routes, and as a result have gotten a bit stronger. To fall off at the top because I was pumped just highlights that if you have to focus all parts of climbing to get up routes, not just your biceps. Sweet, so now that Academia is done I can move on to other things....mainly Samosa and my new projects that I bolted over winter.....Oh yeah, I've pretty much finished uni now, so hopefully when I start on road as an Ambo, I'll have some more time/funds to get away climbing even more - Psyched!!

Ok, now it's time for some gym training......catch ya soon

- Grosey

The Eagles Nest video finally up!!!

2009-10-05T18:56:00.003+11:00

So I finally got the footage off Omar and put it up on You Tube. Thanks to everyone there on the day. I did this problem back in July. Still awaits a second ascent. Any takers? Put your hand up if you like mingn' crimps!

We had another successful weekend away bouldering and climbing too, but I'll let Phil and Joshy upload their photos and post something this time.

Enjoy - Al

Spooging/Spitting/Swearing/Sending/Spurting

2009-09-21T17:15:00.002+10:00

Hi all. Hopefully by now you have finished reading the encyclopedia of European climbing as written by Pleb. Shit! It was like a weekender bender getting through that thing! Top read though, sounds like shes having a good time, all despite traveling with Tasmanians, hanging out with Frenchies and playing ninja games with the sun.

So, what's been happening for the team the last few weeks? More climbing of course! What else could there be going on? Life? Bah!

So 2 weeks ago Omar and I blasted our way out of the city for a weekend out on the rock. I'd just finished another 50hr week, and Omar had just got his beloved van back from the mechanics. To say we were happy to be "blowing this popsicle stand" was an understatement. Try "lets fuck this puppy and go climbing bitches!" An exciting ride was ahead of us, including tailgating trucks, poorly sealed doors, 60km winds blowing us from one side of the hwy to the other, and blowing a radiator hose just past the Big Koala!

Wake to a cloudy, wet morning, and a feeling of distrust towards the Bureau of Meterologies forcast of fine and 25 degrees. Sun however did become all too apparent soon enough, along with the dreaded Spurt Wall Spooge! Hot and humid was the flavour of the day. Despite the conditions, Omar knocked off his long time nemesis route Menstrual as Anything (25) with ease, and had a good crack on Weak Boy (26) doing all the moves easily. I ran a lap on Menstrual as well, being one of my favourite routes there, did Weak Boy and finally completed This Spurting Life (26) after falling off the last moves many years ago. By days end, we were all totally fucked, barely able to talk on the walk out or back at camp. We were all still in T shirts long after sunset.....whats up with that!? 24 hours prior it was downies and thermals weather!

So the next day we hit up Kindergarden, where Omar smashed his other project Flash Gordon (V8). This is one persistent Mexcian, having fallen off the last move many, many times. See the video below. I once again managed to fall off Gripmaster (V10), this time on
THE last move. Its staring to become a bit of a mind fuck, the amount of times I've fallen off this thing so close to the tick. But I did manage to do all the move on So You Think You Can Dance (V11) which was a bit of suprise. I wonder how many times I'll fall of that on the last move before I do it...... Other ticks for the day was an FA of Mexican Delight (V9) by Vince Day, a rad 3 move steep pocket problem, and the FA of Pebble Slab (V6) by myself. Both in Andersons. This place just keeps giving!

So come to last Saturday, just a few days ago. Josh and I head out for an epic day trip to Spurt Wall. Leaving at 6am, we were on the wall in good time. I warmed up by putting the draws on Tyranny (29), then pumped off 2 moves short of the chains before sending next shot, having had a couple of goes a few months back. Good fun route, nothing super hard, just big moves between big slopers and flatters. I had a lash on Lifestyling (30) later that day, and in the spoogey sunshine got as far as the crux.... HAHAHA! This route is soooo awesome, and I can wait to get a bit of fitness up and get back on this sucka!!

Poor old Josh though. Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, its just not the right day to send. Quick update for those of you not in the know, Josh had been working Academia (31) before, over, and after Easter, having come so close to sticking the last move of the second crux section, which is at the second bolt, time and time again. After that, its about 23 to the top. Fastforward to this particular Saturday, and after bouts of swine flu, finger injuries, tendonitis and brain damage due to too much studying, mixed in with mass amounts of training, Joshy pulls the crux of the route, only to fall just 1 move shy of the jug and chains!!! Needless to say, expletives rained forth. On the upside though mate, you pulled the crux for the first time on link, and with a bit of witness the fitness, it'll go down!

So thats about it for us at the moment. I'm having next weekend off. I'm pretty exhausted after the pattern of working stupid hours during the week and climbing all weekend for the last couple of months. Its been great to get out climbing heaps, but I miss sleeping in on a Saturday!

Omar on Flash Gordon, V8

Like, um, yeah, whatever....

- TheBigAl

The second best cliff in the world.

2009-09-18T09:58:00.002+10:00

It has been speculated that Ceuse is the best sport climbing cliff in the world. And you’re living under a rock (no pun intended) if you haven’t heard of it, or seen pictures of its stunning cliff line, or heard of that route-what is it called again? Biographie? No- Realisation. Done by that guy. Ah, yelling Americano. Sharma or something?

I was pretty psyched. Psyched to check it out and see what all the hype was about. Firstly however, on the way to Ceuse I thought it would be nice to have a shower in Gap, in case we didn’t want to pay for camping. The solution was to find a public swimming pool. To our confusement (that’s confusing and amazement in one), it was regulatory for males to swim in budgy smugglers. So that ruled Doug out, he only had boardies…odd huh? Anyway, so my French isn’t so good and we somehow, conveniently, got pointed in the direction of showers for free- much better than 10E. So I say to Doug, “meet you outside once I’m done” and walk off. Then we both walk in the direction of what we thought were our respective gender specific showers and stop; side by side. I found myself looking at everyone- males, females, toddlers, grandmas, teenagers, dogs (ok, no dogs, we’re not in Spain yet)- showering together. Omg. There were communal showers for everyone to shower together, as one happy family. To my relief, budgy smugglers and bikinis stayed on. Didn’t stop the men putting their hands down for a quick rinse though! Only in France.

The walk- the test of all sport climbers’ pin thin legs.
“The walk” was a common topic associated with Ceuse climbing conversations. Nearly every time there was talk of Ceuse, someone would proclaim, “that damned walk” and curse it for a couple moments or more. “It’s so hot walking up! It’s all uphill! My knees got so sore! My hips! My legs!” Et cetera. I was warned and warned. So naturally, I expected the worst. I expected the walk to The Gallery but for an hour and to do it almost every day for a month plus, not just a weekend. And I think that’s the best way to approach it. Know that it’s going to take 40min if you’re fit and wanting to listen to some pumpy music and go go go. If not, and you want to walk and talk, it is a standard 50min or so, depending on how far along the cliff you go. Accept that the walk and climbing go hand in hand. And if you don’t want to walk, then ultimately you don’t want to climb. But I did want to climb, so I walked. No one warned me about the walk down however. It was the walk down in the dark at 9pm that tested my limited patience after a 6am start. Fun in the ‘Dictionary of Andrea’ is not defined as stumbling along a rocky, narrow, tree rooted, and sometimes wet track with a headtorch in desperate need of new batteries. Conversely, fun can be described as running downhill while the track is dry and visible. Until you build up too much speed and don’t make it around the corner effectively- to find yourself having stabbed your chin into a tree and bleeding everywhere….
It also wasnt fun if, like on my last day, you walk along a steep gravel part of the direct route, about five mins from the base, and slip. Stupidly, I put my hand down and tore myself a sweet flapper. Good thing I was leaving that night, and heading to the city!

There was one day I almost went crazy walking up. It was my third last day and I didn’t want to walk. It was hot. And I was tired. And the psych had dwindled to a big trickle of sweat. I stood at the bottom, and said “I don’t want to walk up this hill today”. And as I embarked the direct route from the forest, words such as, “this is meant to get easier! I hate this damned direct route! Eh grumble grumble…” came about. And that was the biggest mistake I could have made, because it took over an hour that day to get to Demi Lune wall. I arrived grumpy and agitated. Sorry Doug! Luckily, I had a sweet day on the rock which made the last two days immensely easier.

Sun Vs. Shade.
I had never discussed climbing weather tactics so much in my life. Usually, I love the sun. But in Ceuse, I detested the sun with an unforgiving passion. It was like there were 4 microhabitats within each day. There was a whole different season in the sun versus the shade at camp, and sun versus shade at the crag.

I found myself waking up at 6am on mornings I wanted to climb at La Cascade, struggling to get out of bed because it was cold out. Thirty minutes later, I was sweating in shorts and singlet walking up the hill. One hour later, I would be wearing gloves and downjacket while belaying, in hope of keeping warm to climb. Then the sun would come out to play at about 12pm. And I would have sunglasses on, shorts and crop top struggling to see my climber on the cliff because it was so hot and shiny. I would then retreat to the shade, and eat some lunch with a jumper on. Then the walk of justice to the other side of the cliff (Berlin, Demi Lune, Biographie, etc). Walking from La Cascade can often be misconceived as a mere, ‘walk around the corner’. An Estonian friend of mine claimed it took five, maybe 10 minutes (he also claimed it took him 30 minutes to the crag each day). However, don’t be fooled by this ‘walk around the corner’ trap. This walk is below the cliffline, so it is like a suntrap. It has no shade from the trees, or cliff, and is usually done between one and four in the afternoon, so it’s prime skin cancer rays time. I still don’t know exactly how long it takes because I would embark without thinking it was far enough to validate timing. But as you walk, with all your gear, in the sun, looking at the heat rise from the yellow grass in the distance, you can’t help but feel like you are in the desert, as opposed to the Alps. Then, once the shade hits at about 4pm, the rock cools (eventually) and you prepare for microhabitat 10 of the day. Downjackets and pants back on till dark- 9pm. Then the walk/run/stumble down in t-shirt weather.

If you don’t do a morning session, just evening, you walk from base at 3pm and sweat like a feral farm pig (do pigs even sweat??). Meanwhile, you sit at camp twiddling your thumbs getting bored. Psyching yourself out of the climb that you fell at the last bolt on yesterday. Or getting frustrated that you will probably only tie in 4 times that day due to only having 5 hours of shade/daylight. One to warm up, maybe a moderate climb next, then two goes on a ‘hard’ route. Then stumble back in the dark.

Ethics of route sharing on the battle ground.
Of course the “best sport climbing crag in the world” is going to be packed to the brim right!? Peak season at Ceuse is Summer- July to August. The high altitude means this is the best time to climb at Ceuse, and everywhere else is too hot. So therefore, is apparently the only place to sport climb in all of Europe. Or at least that’s what it felt like- 12 months of usual traffic in 2 months. This is when every loud American, reserved Polish (yet tried to make friends with me, thinking I was Polish from my number plate), ‘Auf gitz!’ German, French (need I say more?), mulleted Spanish (and their dog), cheery Italian, and whoever else, were trying the same route as me.

I am from Melbourne- a place where my local crag is The Grampians, a four hour drive away. I am from Melbourne- a place where I really struggle to find a climbing partner for just two days mid week. A place where you often know most people at the campsite, if there is anyone else there in the first place. A place where everyone sits around camp at night, drinking wine and laughing away. It’s common to park your car and see maybe one more, a walker’s car. A place where while you walk to the crag, are surprised if you hear voices already there. Weekend or weekday. Irregardless of perfect weather. At The Gallery. Or Muiline. Or even the highly regarded, Taipan Wall. If you really wanted, you could try your project 10 times in one day (whether it’s productive or not, that’s not the point). Often your physical fatigue and skin are the limiting factors of attempts.

Ceuse is in a completely different library, let alone page of the same book. The campsite had up to maybe 100 people on the busiest nights. But you wouldn’t guess it if you had a blindfold on. There are tents, cars and vans everywhere and people- quietly lurking around. During the day, people at camp read and rest. Ultimate goal is to preserve energy. Occasionally there is a short slackline session, until the male campsite owner orders something in French, to the desired effect of the slackline being dismantled. At night, there is nobody around till 10pm. Prior to that, everyone is desperately trying to get a third attempt in before its dark. Soon after, there is the dull sizzle of food being cooked on stoves and silent whispers. Sport climbers are a serious bunch- especially Ceuse climbers. Once food is cooked and eaten, recovery begins for their next project attempt. Straight to bed.

Chris, a friend I made in the Frankenjura, turned “21” while we were in Ceuse. This girl made many friends over her two months plus visit. So, night of her birthday she invited everyone around to her trailer trash caravan. People sat and stood around, drinking, talking, laughing and eating birthday cake. Nothing outrageous. However, come 11pm nearby campers broke up the happiness. It wasn’t quite as abrupt as mallets or hammers to the head. But a polite, civilised ‘sport climbers- I need to rest’ complaint was sufficient. They weren’t from NSW.

I soon discovered if I wanted to climb anything at La Cascade I had to wake up at 6am. This allowed enough time to arrive at the crag at 8am, warm-up and have two attempts of a new route/project of my choice, in the shade. Otherwise, the only routes free would be above 8a+ (I’m not that turbo- yet) or something that didn’t appeal. Or climb in the scorching sun. It was an unbelievable site, to see 20 people stitched along the one wall at any one time just as the sun was settling in on the crag.

‘Around the corner’, Demi Lune, Berlin et cetera, tactics weren’t so easy. There were a lot more people to contend with than at La Cascade, meaning options were limited. And even if you were on your route of choice, Bloke One, Two and Three would ask if they can go after you. Which is fine, if it were an ideal world and I did everything in one shot. But I don’t live in an ideal world. Let’s give you a typical scenario:

Doug and I walked over from La Cascade to Berlin and were the first to sit under a route called Blocage Violent 7b+, and wait for the shade. This route had always had a party on it, and a party waiting, so we never bothered. But today we were early, and it was just us until Doug was ready for his first attempt. And as he climbed, the masses swooped in. Just like climbers swooping in for free booty left by bumblies at Araps over Easter. It was easy for me to say “I am climbing next”. That’s easy to accept. But what made things complicated was, Doug fell near the top. So obviously, would want to try again after me. But then, here are the questions I still need answered:
- When does Bloke One go?
- After me?
- After Doug’s second go?
- What if I fall?
- Do they go after me if they asked while Doug was climbing?
- What if they ask while I was climbing?
- Does it depend on if they are dogging? Or a redpoint attempt?
- What about Bloke Two?
- Do they go after Bloke One?
- Or after Doug and I try a second time?
- Or do they bugger off and try a different route?

So in this aforementioned situation, I fell. And Doug had tied in and was chalking up for his second attempt after me. No one had asked to go next, until now. A Frenchie, came over and the conversation went something like this:
Frenchie: Can I climb now?
Doug: Now? No. I am about to climb.
Frenchie: And after you?
Doug: Well, no. Maybe after her (me).
Frenchie: I will be quick, I just want to warm-up. I will only go halfway.
Doug: Well, after we go you can.
Frenchie: Usually, people take it in turns. I will be quick, just a warm-up for me. It is very busy, nothing is free and this route is very beautiful.
Doug: Yes we know it is busy. We have waited 2 weeks to get on this route. That’s why after I go, and her (me), then you can go. That is taking it in turns isn’t it? Or you can try something else. If it just a warm-up, you can try anything?
Frenchie: blah blah….walks away.

Hmm. So I am still confused as to whether we were being irrational? Or rude? Or that’s fair?
Usually, I like sharing. My parents brought me up well. You can share beta, get more rest, sit and relax, blah blah. But, as you may have picked up, climbing in Ceuse with good conditions is limited. It is limited by shade, sun, rock heat, darkness, fatigue and other people. If you let them go, your second attempt is in the sun. Or, you have waited so long your fingers are numb. Or it’s dark. I felt like a mere country girl in a big city- a mere Grampians climber in the big bad world of Ceuse.

WC- Toilette- Lavatory- Toilet- Footpath.
It’s a sensitive topic, but I am going to go there. In brief, Europe crags are feral. Never have I come across such inconsiderate, foul, hygiene habits. On numerous occasions I found myself walking along the main path to the crag, looking down at brown smeared toilet paper. Or puddles of piss. Or the worst bit, sanitary napkins! Why not take one step to the side to pee? Or sometimes I would accidently take what I thought was a path to another part of the cliff, to find myself at the “toilet”. There is no hole digging, hardly any distance from the crag, or discretion with amount of toilet paper used. My favourite was a pile of toilet paper sticking out from under one of those starting, height disadvantaged-cheating rocks, under a climb at La Cascade. Yummy.

To project or not to project?
I was torn on whether or not I should project something hard. In the previous month, the most I had tried anything was four goes in one day. Everything else, was usually within two, sometimes three attempts. But I thought seeing as I would be in Ceuse for a long period of time, I should ‘project.’ But I decided not for at least the first few days. First few days were dedicated to familiarizing myself with the cliff. No demoralizing- similar to Italy shut downs.

I must admit, I don’t know much about the outside climbing world- the kind of stuff you read in magazines, watch on dvds, talk on forums about, et cetera. I have no idea who the big names of climbing are or many famous routes. All I knew was that Realisation was at Ceuse, but I thought I might leave that for my next trip. Baby steps.

Helen Day briefly wrote me a list of things to try, which was inclusive of the routes ‘Mirage’ 7c+ and ‘Carte Blanche’ 8a. I also had a UK friend ‘oohh and ahh’ over Carte Blanche. So, as I arrived I thought I may as well try it. I made one goal- to do this one route. I had theoretically done two 8a’s before. So why not one in Ceuse too?

Second day there, a friend was trying Mirage. So despite Doug and I agreeing not to try anything hard for at least a few days, we caved in. This 25m beautifully long route, as the name suggests, is quite deceiving. It fools you into thinking you are close to sending, until you peel off at the very end. I saw half a dozen guys (never saw a female on it) fall at the last bolt. It starts as a roof, straightens up, and then gives you massive jugs to prepare for the finish, which is steeper, thinner and more sequency. This route took five attempts (three days), a lot more than I initially thought it would….

Two weeks later, Doug and I had our first attempts on Carte Blanche. The start of this route is really steep and bouldery and quite honestly, ugly. We had no beta- hadn’t watched anyone on it and were feeling less than fresh after climbing the day before. Doug went first and made it to the second bolt, cursed a bit then lowered off. I went next, got to the same spot, cursed a bit, then lowered off. Doug went next, dogged to the third bolt, cursed a bit more, then bailed. I went next, dogged to the fourth bolt, cursed more, then bailed. At sunset, we managed to get to the fourth bolt- the crux. Yet, the first 3 bolts felt utterly desperate. During the walk down there was a long philosophical talk on satisfaction of onsighting vs. projecting the hell out of something. It was over a week until we decided to get back on it. I had one go, got too frustrated, and cleaned my draws off. Again, you will not find fun in the ‘Dictionary of Andrea’ described as getting my arse absolutely wooped! This route felt utterly unattainable within a practical amount of time. I proclaimed it too hard to do within three fresh days and would prefer to do three new routes.

Over the next two weeks I ticked a couple of 7c’s and 7c+’s. There was another route that caught my interest however. Bourinator 8a- translation from French is meant to mean something to the effect of ugly, powerful and burly- perfect style for me! Hah! I saw a few people on it and heard a lot of talk about it. I think the trigger for me wanting to do this route was my friend, Jurgen. Jurgen jokes a lot, and I find him hilarious. But, I know there is a slight truth to his jokes. Eg. He idolizes Chris Sharma and anyone who climbs hard. He jokingly said he categorises everyone he meets into ‘grades’- 7a, 7b, 7c, 8a, 8b and anything more is praiseworthy. Don’t get me wrong, he has no discrimination towards ‘weaker’ climbers, just, more respect for those that crush 9a!
Anyway, one night over some wine, Jonas, a German friend who was trying Bourinator, mentioned he had only seen one girl try this route before. In result, Jurgen joked it was because women have less power, very obviously implying I wouldn’t be able to do it. Challenge accepted and dispatched in three days!

This route opened the dusty rotting cupboard of Carte Blanche again. It was a rest day, and I had three more days left in Ceuse. So Doug and I had another philosophical conversation deep into the night, over whether or not we should try Carte Blanche again, or a few easier routes. After much deliberation, I decided to risk the possibility of failure. Three days to send a route I had previously filed into the impossible folder…

This time, we had done our homework. Over the previous few weeks, we watched people on the route and asked anyone who had done it; how to do it. I had never passed the crux before, because I got too demoralized by the beginning to care. But word on the street was that after the crux, it’s sustained, pumpy, and cool. I could do sustained, pumpy and cool! So Doug came up with a brilliant idea; pull through the first two bolts, figure out the crux, and suss out the top. And that’s what I did. I figured out the crux move third go, and nailed a good sequence for the last bolt (because I saw two people fall there that very same day). Then second attempt, I did the route with one sit, linking from the crux to the top. Sweet! All hope was not lost. There was no way I was coming off at the top.

That night, there was more deliberation- rest tomorrow then crush the day I leave? But what if I don’t do it and have to leave? Or, just try it tomorrow and hope for the best. And if not, then I still have day three? But then, on day three, I will probably be too tired if I couldn’t even do it second day? Oh the stress!

Decision was made, and I walked up the next day. But my head was a mess and I fell at the crux twice, and then it got dark. I was a silent, angry, stressed ball ready to explode! I walked down in silence, mind racing as fast as a Tour Du France cyclists’ downhill wheels. That night I ate in silence, ate almost a block of chocolate then went to bed. And as I drew the crazy psychedelic Ikea curtains of my van, I remembered how much I loved life. I remembered how every night, as I close those curtains, I feel like a child in my very own cubby house, and the biggest grin is plastered on my face. So, poof! The stress was gone and I woke up feeling like a monk post meditation session.

While I warmed up for my last day at Ceuse, I knew my body was tired, third day on. My usual warm-up, Lapinerie 7b, felt tough today. I knew I only had one good go in me to accomplish my one goal, any more attempts would be useless. So I gave it my absolute all. There were about five instances I thought I was peeling off along the way. But at each semi-rest I pretty much talked to myself, and psyched myself up for the next semi-rest. Section by section, I held on. Until I got to the sequence at the top which I supposedly had wired. I missed a footer in my exhaustion, cut loose on a crossover on small crimps, regained my feet then went for the jug for glory- and missed it. I lowered down, packed up my gear and carried it down to pack for Paris.

The first route to bring me to tears.
‘Ténéré’ 7c+ is a route at La Cascade, a steep cliff typically involving big moves on big holds. This route follows a beautiful orange streak just to the left of Mirage. It starts as a roof, straightens out on massive jugs then finishes over a small roof that then slabs out. I heard the crux was the roof at the top, a typical footless mantle type scenario on small holds. But on my first day, I found three more cruxes. Ape like moves to handle bars, bar one. One angled throw to the sharpest pocket I have held in all of Ceuse (exclusive of Frankenjura). I didn’t like my chances. I am not a big person. In fact, some people may go as far as to call me, short. I watched a tall guy on this route, and the moves were nothing. But as I tried it, in my head it was “one, two, three, LAUNCH!”, then this same process 2 more times, and then the crux to finish. But, I was determined to do. Because I found it hard (again, I hadn’t seen any girls on it) and it was the line of the crag. Second day/fifth go, I launched my way up. And that sharp pocket gave me a nasty blood blister, popping while topping out. That pocket almost made me cry.

One route did however, make me cry like a spoilt little child who wasn’t allowed a lollypop- “Le privilege du serpent” 7c+ . On my flash attempt, I got to the second last bolt. I then got to the very same spot on my second attempt. Then third. Then fourth. Sheer frustration! I pulled straight back on and tried to go to the top. Beta was, don’t clip the last bolt, just go straight to the anchors. But by my fourth go, my arms were….weak. I went for the jug, fell, grabbed the rope, then punched myself in the nose as the rope went tight. ARGH! I felt so dumb, inefficient and shit. And, my nose hurt! So, for the first time ever, I cried over climbing. Maybe I care more than I used to? Or maybe I expect more? Maybe both. Or, my nose just hurt?

Onsight of my career.
I don’t like slabs. In fact, on occasion I have claimed to hate slabs and believe I am terrible at them. But, as a dedicated triathlete of climbing, one must embrace all forms of each element mustn’t they? There was one blank face at Berlin Wall, which looked amazing from a distance, and from below. This route was ‘Cent Potates’ 7b+ (26 right?), and I onsighted it in one hour. And I puff my chest out to everyone over this claim!! It’s wicked- one of the best routes I did at Ceuse.

And on that note, á bientot! This Ceuse chapter has proven to be much longer than anticipated. Five weeks at Ceuse is the longest I have ever spent at any one crag. I suppose, in between all my whinging and whining, I secretly love this place. All except for the damn fox in the forest that stole my 1kg bag of pears! Naturally, no place is like home, but this place is pretty damn sweet.

Installment four shall come at a later date. Till then, hope you are all having fun adventures of your own!

Oh. And a ticklist of some sort. X means, I was essesntially too soft.

La Grande Face
- Inesperance 6a+/6b+/6c+/7a (third pitch is glory pitch!)

Demi Lune
- Carte Noir 6a
- Marylou 6b
- Harley Davidson 6b+
- Chant de Cristal 6b+
- Lapinerie 7b
- Minette a la plage 7c (extension of Marylou)
- X Carte Blanche 8a

La Cascade
- Des Trous (direct) 6c
- Medecine douche 6c+
- Ananda 7a
- Super mickey 7b (crux was getting through the masses to actually tie in)
- Corps estranger 7b+
- Vagabond d’occident 7c
- Blanches Fesses 7c
- Mirage 7c+
- Ténéré7c+
- Le privilege du serpent 7c+

Berlin
- Super Mario 6b
- Zagreb 6c
- X Casse- Noisette 7a+ (slab)
- X La petit illusion 7a+ (hint: not an ideal warm-up)
- X Galaxy 7b+ (worst route I tried on Berlin)
- Cent Potates 7b+
- Blocage Violent 7b+
- X Makach Walou 7c+ (tried it for one day, then realized I would rather try something else)

Un pont sur l’infini
- Gelati Dolomiti 7a
- Bourinator 8a

Les Maitres du Monde
- Bibendum 7b+
- Teuchipa 7c

Dre.

Sprechen Sie Englisch? Parla inglese? Parlez-vous anglais?

2009-09-16T07:06:00.002+10:00

Four months in, and I am sitting in a fancy hotel in Zurich, typing up my second blog entry. I started about a month ago, but there has been alot to say. I'm still not finished but I will post what I have so far. Next installment will come soon! But, just to let people know I am still alive and still pretty lazy huh?! Or maybe I’ve just been extremely busy..

UK.
So, if you scroll back a few pages or more, I think it says I was somewhere in the country of pubs after climbing. Where they have pints of tea as much as possible and chips on the side of everything- Curry with rice and chips? How about some chips with your baked beans and cheese? And with those chips, salt and vinegar and neon mushy peas?

I ended up spending one month in the UK. And despite prior misconceptions, I loved it. The less than optimal conditions (sunny days) in the Peak District meant all those death E9’s I had in mind seemed less and less feasible by each degree above freezing. So I ended up settling for star collecting. I filled my days with classics, with 13 stars in one day at The Roaches my record. When I return to Oz, I am going to work on my new website. It’s like 8a.nu. But better. It’s based on quality of routes (stars), not the grade. So in keeping with that system, some favourites were:
- Quietus -an awful bulging roof crack at Stanage (a crag I wouldn’t drive 5 hrs to climb at)
- Fern Hill, Five finger exercise, Requiem- Classic routes at a crag called Cratcliffe.

After Sheffield, I headed to North Wales- Llanberis Pass. Here, I discovered my inner desire to become the triathlete of rockclimbing. Why should I have to discriminate between the three elements of climbing? The argument of Trad vs. Sport vs. Bouldering is old. On Sunday 7 June 2009, I trad climbed Comes the Dervish (a slate E3 slab) in the rain, bouldered my second V7/8- Cleaver Beaver, and clipped some bolts at Lower Pen Trywn. Why specialise in one, when you can be Average Joe at all three in one day!?

Noteworthy occurences in North Wales:
- Did my first V9- Jerry’s Roof (a classic roof problem on the roadside)
- Drank pints of tea at ‘possibly the best café in the world’ followed by a multipitch in the evening sun, ‘where there is no finer place to be’, resulting in having to stop mid pitch and find facilities to cope with the diuretic effects of 1L of tea.
- Saw Andy Jennings lead a trad pitch
- Belayed an impressive lead by Simon Wilson- Pretty Pink (death slate slab)

Pembroke was next. My favourite place in the UK. Amazing traditional seacliff climbing in the beautiful summer sun. A must do is ‘Bloody Sunday’. E4 6A in Huntsman’s Leap. Then, I was lucky enough to be taken to a new area being established, Gun Cliff, to play on some new routes.

Frankenjura.
The land of manky dark forests and tweaky pockets. And first bolts up to 8m off the deck. Where ‘classic’ could mean ‘alpine, potentially dangerous, special’ routes... but to make up for all of this, there were some very enjoyable routes. And even more enjoyable homemade cheesecake.

Just less than three weeks in the Frankenjura and I left feeling like a 70 yr old woman with achey fingers. The Germans are strong and hard. And my fingers and body proved to be too soft. I tweaked a finger on some lame warm up. Got scared by too many spiders in too many pockets. Got put off by too much moss covered rock. And had less than enough rest days in the preceding 2 months.
However, I like the Frankenjura. It was a challenge, and I like to think I did ok. Once you accept the place isn’t a holiday crag and are prepared to get shut down, then it’s a humbling experience. I laughed at outrageous anchors, which were single bolts I mistook for any other bolt on route. And each time I had to clip off a tiny pocket instead of a jug 10cm below, I just exclaimed “damn tall German” and thought, “at least they are bolting”. I can’t complain, because I’m not.

Funny conversation I had with a local before doing Schleimspur 9-.
Before doing this route, a typical nerd looking German with his shorts up to his chin rapped down and put draws in for a top rope. This guy had it all calculated. He had his belaying girlfriend, who seemed shocked and insulted when I asked if she were going to try it next. He had all the ‘tips’. And he had his top rope. After he went, I asked if I could try the route, and pull his rope through. He looked confused. I thought he didn’t Sprechen Sie Englisch. But he did. The conversation went something like this:
Me: Can I have a go?
Nerdy German: On my toprope?
Me: No. I can use my own rope, then thread yours back through.
Nerdy German: ahh….ok. Have you top roped it yet?
Me: No.
Nerdy German: You want to….onsight it?
Me: ahh…I suppose so.
Nerdy German: Ahhh…have you tried it before?
Me: No. So I suppose, if I do it, that would be an onsight?
Nerdy German: Ahh…do you want tips?
Me: No. It wouldn’t be an onsight then would it?
Nerdy German: Are you sure?
Me: Yes.
Nerdy German: ahhh…ok.

So I tried to onsight it. And fell. And when I got down, German had the nerve to say “Do you think, if I told you ze tips, you would have done it?” I replied with, “I don’t know”. And did it second go. No onsight, but oh well!
I must explain why this German was so concerned however. The crux was about 10m up (so about halfway). While doing the crux, the last bolt is about a metre below your feet to the right. Then, you make a few easy moves on jugs….maybe 3 more metres? Then you clip another bolt. So, if you fall at the crux it’s fine. If you fall at the next bolt, it’s not fine. This German top toped it clean 3 more times while I was there.

Some other sweet pockets pullers were:
Stromlinie 9
Sautanz 9-
Bondage 8+/9- Onsight
Bella Additione 8+. This was a very dramatic experience with almost coming off at the crux, with a bolt 2m below and to the right. After clipping in, the blue sky turned grey with dark clouds. And the rain started coming down on the cliff, coinciding with loud thunder. And as I approached the chains, the sky cleared and there was a cheer from the crowds….well. No crowd. Just me. Happy with the onsight.

City Living.
Next chapter of the trip, I went to Munich. I was feeling tired and I needed to get away from the climbing to let my body heal and recover. I got off the train in the city centre with an American (Chris, who hated the Jura). She booked a train to Ceuse and I decided to try and find a bed for the night. So I wondered the streets of Munich in the rain with all my climbing gear and found a Youth Hostel. After all, that’s what everyone my age does when they travel Europe isn’t it? Stay in Youth Hostels and party? Well. I found one, for 24 euro a night. I walked into my 6 bed dorm and took off my rainjacket and approach shoes. I put down my bags filled with draws/stove/70m rope/sleeping bag etc and said hi to my roomie. A 25yr old med student from Fitzroy. She was annoyed. She had just cut her fringe herself and it wasn’t right! Exactly what her hairdresser told her not to do. It was poking her eyes. And her eye makeup was all smudged. And all hell had broken loose. Her dress and shoes were fine though…sigh.

Travel bliss had come to a halt. I felt injured and needed to rest. But I hated the city hostel life. I thought I would stay in Munich for a week but I lasted 2 days. Randomly, I ended up going with an Americano climber to Salzburg and Vienna. These places are beautiful. We walked the streets as photo taking tourists and shared a bottle of wine on our first night in Salzburg. Then went to our dorm, and fell asleep at 9pm in our respective bunk beds. I was in the wrong frame of mind. I felt exhausted, and wanted to be climbing. But knew I shouldn’t. So instead, I was drinking every night, spending too much money on hostels and eating the cheapest shittiest food available, which are kebabs. This lifestyle is not sustainable- definately not if I wanted to be a serious triathlete of climbing.

Polski.
A country I had never placed high on my priority list of important places to spend my euro trip. But, that country name would become a common conversation topic for many months to come, and contain the most memorable moments of my trip. I needed a car. And a van was the dream. But there were issues. How do I buy a car? Who’s name would I put it under? I only speak English. And I don’t have a lot of money. There were a lot of limiting factors. But, the perfect solution (what seemed perfect at the time) was to buy a van with Tassie Doug in Poland. And put it under his broski’s name. Doug’s bro; Andy, spoke Polish and had a visa. And his girlfriend, Ania, was the missing link between me and driving to Ceuse in my mobile home.

I got a night couchette from Vienna to Krakow on the 8th July. Then on the 9th July, I met Doug, Andy and his gf, Ania. And we celebrated my birthday in one of Krakow’s finest hospitals. Andy had the pleasure of slipping off one of the world’s most polished (Pol-ished: haha! Get it?) foot holds and hit the deck. After 4 hours in the hospital for an x ray, we found out Andy had a foot. And it was sprained. We then went out for dinner at an Indian/Italian cuisine restaurant. I didn’t realise how multi cultural Poland was till then. Following this, I had a taste of what would be my favourite drink in Poland- Tatanka. Apple juice, special vodka and cinnamon. 23 and loving life.

I spent just over 2 weeks in Krakow, and saw a lot more in this country than the standard tourist or climber. Time in Poland was spent doing the following:

- Sleeping on Andy’s futon, in his room. In Poland, a standard apartment has a kitchen, bathroom and bedrooms. No living area or dining area. Just larger bedrooms, with beds that usually fold away.
- First Sunday I walked around a gravel car yard looking for a van amongst about 1000 random rusty vehicles. Meanwhile I was clutching my bag, scared of it being stolen after being warned by Ania and wandering how many of those cars were stolen.
- Climbed at the two most polished crags I have ever been to while it was 30+ degrees.
- Made up wicked boulder problems at the two local climbing gyms.
- Drank beer that was cheaper than water or non-alcoholic drinks.
- Ate amazing ice cream at least once a day, sometimes twice.
- Saw a classical pianist (who looked like he was 15) play Choppin pieces.
- Bought a blue Renault Kangoo from a fat Polish man wearing pink crocs, shorts and yellow singlet that didn’t cover much.
- Ate a 60cm diameter pizza (not by myself, but there is always next time).
- Built a bed and storage space in Castorama (massive hardware store) carpark in 30+ deg heat. We used a borrowed (shitty) drill and communal tools from within the store, or utilised their excellent return policy.
- Got curtains made at Ikea- a shop that is taking over the world and makes Andy’s favourite meatballs.
- Was invited to Ania’s family home out in the country to eat homegrown, local cuisine. Had a BBQ on the balcony in the rain. And left with homemade jam and a warm fuzzy feeling over how lovely Ania’s family is.
- Drove to about 6 mechanics to get a “MOT”; Roadworthy equivalent.

Drive out of Poland to Italy was…long. It took 6 hours due to roadworks and traffic jams, for what should have been about one hour according to Google Maps. A large proportion of the drive was at 0km/hr. This was partly due to traffic, but also the temperamental speedometer that would occasionally decide to stop working. This would all be a lot more bearable if we had the ability to choose good music, but, no. We bought the cheapest possible car stereo we could find, from a nice, but dodgy Polish guy, Konrad. So all we could do was put Doug’s ipod on random. And it would, randomly work, and not work…

Arco.
The next destination was Arco. Rumour was, there was good climbing, and the cheapest climbing gear in all of Europe. Doug and I arrived in Arco feeling like we hadn’t slept in two days and sitting in a car for even longer. So we decided not to climb that day. Just buy me a new harness (my belay loop stitching was coming apart, much to my partners dismay) and whatever other goodies I “needed”. But, we soon found out Italy is a bit like Spain in that, the streets turn to a ghost town between 12.30 and 3.30pm. All shops close, meaning no harness for me.

We decided to get the bodies moving and work our fatigue away by climbing. We didn’t have a guide, let alone an English one. But I had prior tips from Jurgen (Esther’s partner) that Laghel was good. So we went there, and it was barricaded like an army station. Well, at least an intense construction site. With “PRIVATO” and other signs to the effect of, “Keep out or else” all over. So, we waited till a shop was open, took some pics of a guide and headed to Nago. We found the cliff, but couldn’t find the track. It was amazingly frustrating seeing it and being 200m from it, but having houses and fences all around. A successful failed climbing and shopping day.

Alas, in the next few days we found some climbing at Belvedere and Nago. Okay cliffs but nothing I would fly to the other side of the world for. I would however, fly to the other side of the world for Italy itself. I love this country! The people are so joyous and friendly. The streets are small, cobbled and beautiful. This whole area is postcard worthy (or even opening scene of the new James Bond movie worthy!). The ice-cream is the best in the world. The four cheese pizza, the best in the world! Well, it’s the only four cheese pizza I have ever had, but, I can make that claim on principle of Italy being the pizza castle of the world. So, I was torn. At the end of a climbing day I was on the verge of tears after struggling on 6C+ routes and wanted to leave, yet wanted to stay for the celebratory atmosphere and vibe I got from the locals. It was a love-hate relationship.

Next was Lecco- home of a hotel that charged 10 Euros for a shower. Guess how desperate I was feeling? Anyway, on the upside, it was also the home of the best crag I went to in Italy, Nibbio. Long, nice, technical 20m plus routes in the shade all day- so perfect for the hot summer days I was getting! I did a route “McKinley”, my first 7C (third 27) second go which was a pleasant surprise. Sustained, pumpy face route and brilliant. It was relieving to leave Italy on a good note, because it was time for Ceuse....

Next Chapter coming soon- Ceuse/Paris (including Moulin Rouge with my mum) and Zurich. Stay tuned! Till then, hope you enjoyed the reading...whoever you creepy stalkers are!
Dre.

Ultra Sounds Good Right?

2009-09-13T19:05:00.020+10:00

Right...well....its been a couple of weeks since I've posted anything so thought I'd just fill you in about what's been going on.

First up. Al's 24th Birthday Weekend. We headed up to The Mount, looking for sun, good trad-routes and girls....we found most of what we were looking for. It had been more than a year since I had climbed at Arapiles. The time before that being cut short due to a silly mistake at the anchors resulting in fall 15-18 meters to the deck in June '08. This time turned out to be more fun, although it was still a in the face. Araps can be unforgiving when you've been climbing in a gym or the Grampians for the past 6 months. Technique - well its hard to avoid the need for it, although I did manage to find a sequence for the top of The Great Escape 28 that completely avoids all kneebars! Hahahaha. This particular weekend was also the final round of the local football season, and like all finales it required a dress up party in Natimuk. As random as it was, it tuned out to be a rather fun night catching up with old mates, and making new ones. Of course, no night at Nati can be complete without some fat, ugly blokes dressing in drag. Here are some of Omar's (Slowpoke Rodridquez) photos of the night.

Fast-Forward a couple of weeks. Ol' Phil has done it again, crippled himself attempting some crazy sorta drop knee in the gym. Hopefully not too bad or too long on the side lines, cause he was looking strong and keen. Come to think of it, he does seem to get cut down in his prime like some sort of pine tree destined for Ikea a lot....maybe its all a ruse to avoid actually doing something.

Alby, Slowpoke and I headed out for some bouldering last weekend. It was fun, like climbing should be. Saturday was spent up at Iskra wall, where after pulling off a hold the size of Arnie's ego and destroying Philby's classic Compression Session - V7, I had a play on my new project. This is a direct up an orange streak in the middle of Iskra face, and its going to be wicked. After a couple of shots, both Al and I managed to do all but one move in the crux sequence - from there on should be straight forward pumping up some wicked flakes. It is the epitome of a 'technically burly' route, requiring flexible hips and minging fingers. Saturday night called for a session at campground boulders. Lit up by the Landcruisers headlights, Slowpoke got his mexican arse up Race-Eater V8, while Alby ran a quick lap on Happy Camper Traverse V9. I also got my heavy frame of the ground for an acsent of HCT in just a few shot. Sunday however was a different story. Bit of Anderson's action followed by some lame attempts at Gripmaster, all over shadowed by an increasing pain in my lateral epicondyles (tennis elbow), and flu like symptoms. Needless to say I needed to rest.

This would have to be one of the only times I can remember actually being active about taking a rest when the initial stages of fatigue and injury are setting in. The past has seen my take on a typical bogan attitude, often making things worse (see post re. pulley 2 months ago). Anyway, I didn't train all week, stretched, did some exercise for my elbows. I also borrowed an ultra sound therapy machine from Slowpoke. I have always been sceptical about this sorta thing and I am yet to be fully convinced. I had a quick session at the Lactic Factory yesterday without a flare up, so fingers crossed I can work up to full training again in the next 2 weeks.

I guess thats all until Al gets back tonight with some updates from this weekend.

Oh wait.....this is supposed to be Barry the Board's job.....but anthonyk has been awarded the 'Douchebag of the Month' Award for September.

This guy used the Chockstone forum to bag out a retailer for giving him advice about climbing shoes. Dude, you stuffed up, you took advice (completely optional) that was in my experience correct - Katanas stretch to the point of blowing out - and just because you ain't happy with YOUR decision you bitch and moan about. Get over it, sell the shoes and move on.....or start your own blog like us, cause then only the people who care about what you have to say will read about it.

For those who missed it....

http://www.chockstone.org/Forum/Forum.asp?ForumID=1&Action=Display&MessageID=75818&PagePos=&Sort=

Peace Out

- Grosey

Thursday Throwdown

2009-09-03T17:46:00.009+10:00

I fucking hate off-the-couch climbers. You know the type. They are the ones that 12-18 months ago, you were solid training partners. Nothing could break the shackles of bond between the crew. That is, until one decides to get married, or have a baby, or get bogged down in the daily grind of "workin' for da man". All of a sudden, your group of regular dudes dwindles down to a few strong willed, dedicated soldiers. Now, I'm not saying that these are particularly BAD this to occur in ones life. Personally though, the thought of marriage and children seems like a bit of an over-commitment. One not easily backpedaled from. BUT that's just my opinion for my circumstances.....

Back to the rant. So come present day. Over the last 18 months, you have been living the monks life, abstaining from all evil, training your guts out, feeling stronger then ever. Then low and behold, said over-committers stroll back into the ring.

"Not a problem" you say to yourself. "I've been training and feel great. Time to show these chumps how we's roll now!"

But wait a minute.....whats this??

Did he just hike your project in the gym???? He's not trained properly for what.....? a year? WHAT THE FUCK!!

Low and behold, you've just been slapped by an off-the-coucher. They are easily identified by the following signs:

- They only come out into the public once a week

- Short and sharp appearances

- Always asking what you've been up to, because they haven't really seen you in 12 months

- Looks like this

- But climbs like this

May have the following effects on you:

- Crying

- Anger

- Sulking/have a sook

- Total dedication to the art of wizardry.

YES! Through this adversity, we are driven to the edge of sanity, where we find pure enlightenment through the art of wizardry. Yes, these off-the-couchers may be stronger then you in the make believe relm of plastic, but when it comes to the rock, you know the bizzel. Kneebars, heel-toes, bicycles, sneaky thumb catches, all skills learnt through the dedicated practice of a rock wizard. And it is with these skills my followers, that a rock warrior is born, While the frustration in plastic land is evident, the mad skillz in the real world will prevail....

TheBigAl

The Boulder Files

2009-08-19T17:44:00.007+10:00

So, its been a fair while since I posted anything, although not due to a lack of climbing. Quite the opposite. For the last 6-7 weeks, my week has been as follows - Monday: 10-12 hours at work, Tuesday: 10-12 hours at work and a bit of training, Wednesday: 10-12 hours at work and afternoon napping, Thursday: YEAH!!! just 6 hours today and more training, Friday: 8 hours and pack for climbing weekend!!!!

I've been getting out most weekends with the usual partners in crime in Josh, Phil, Slowpoke and the Scotch Finger (Andy; see video). Sadly, Andy left our sunny land for a return to depressing Scotland about a month ago. He will be missed. I think out of the last 6 weeks, I've spent 5 out on the rock, just getting out there and mostly climbing things without success. Its funny though, because I haven't been getting too hung up on ticking things. I've just been having a blast getting out on the rock, lapping up the sunshine (yes, thats right SUNSHINE!! The weather has been fucking fantastic this winter on the weekends!) and hanging out with my mates.

There are a couple of noteworthy problems to blog about. 1st is my awesome project at the new secret area of 36 Chambers. Phil put up an awesome steep problem called Compression Session that goes at about V7. But theres a RAD extension start lower down and left of the current one. This thing adds about 5 moves into the original problem, and I think will be the hardest thing I've done when it goes. There are 2 crux moves, and after 2 days on it, have stuck the first one a few times, and the second one a few more. I'm yet to link the two together though! So hard, but so good!

2nd is my little epic with Gripmaster. Man this this is beating me down!!! If you watch the video of Lee doing it that I posted, where he falls at the top before doing it..... I've fallen about 6 or 7 times the last 2 days I've tried it. But it's so close, and all I need is that one moment where everything comes together perfectly and I'll send it.

I've been taking my sisters camera out with me and when I remember about it, we turn it on and try to film some of the shenanigans. I finally got my ass into gear, somehow found some spare hours in my day, and edited a few videos for you all to enjoy.

And lastly, a quick shout out to mighty Dave Pearson, who's been living in his van in the Gramps for the last 4 months documenting with great effort, all of the boulder problems around Stapylton for a bouldering guide book he's releasing with Chris Webb-Parsons. These 2 chaps from up north have been up to no good, downgrading all our testpieces and writing up all 1600 chosspile problems in the Gramps. I think this may all just be an effort to herd visiting Euros south, and keep them from discovering all the soft ticks up in Sydney! All jokes aside, when you people out there see this guide, you will shit yourself with excitement! Get the hype machine rolling chumps! This thing is the best guide guide book I've ever seen, and if it doesn't get all the "climbers" in Melbourne out onto the rock,
then I don't know what will.

Here's a rad photo Josh took last weekend of me on Towering Inferno. Its a Saunders highball V4 at Legoland. The most terrifing/exhilarating experience I've had climbing for quite a long time.

Psytrance = RAD. Blue, furry shorts are hawt. That is all.

TheBigAl

Comments

2009-08-18T21:59:00.001+10:00

Ok guys,

I've fixed the comments section so now we can read what you say....so go for it. We're, well at least I'm interested in what you guys think.

Sweet as Potatoes

- Grosey

Urban Crushing

2009-08-11T15:12:00.004+10:00

Would you believe it? There is bouldering in Melbourne!

Ok now don't get too excited as its still top secret, but I can say that its not granite (Praise the lord!), 3-4m high, climbs really well and even has a few steep sections. Of course, its no gramps, but it is rock and its outside, which as we all know is pretty much non-existent in Melbs.

Some very average pics taken on my phone of a cool new problem... Just caus I like to tease.

Adios, Philby

Hammer Of Thor

2009-08-06T14:48:00.006+10:00

Hey Fools,

Well my finger is better to a point, and I have 8 weeks to mid-semester break, therefore its time to hit the crags again.

This weekend will be the world's first glimpse at the A-Team's new WMC (weapon of mass creation) - Hammer Of Thor (pictured). Fuck yeah!!

Plus some new bouldering at a secret crag, known only as '36 Chambers'. If you don't get the reference you ain't ghetto enough to continue reading.

Stay tuned for the news of some new projects and first accents.

- Grosey

New A-Team Spring Season Range

2009-08-01T20:48:00.007+10:00

Recently I noticed some guy with a "I Love Kneebars" T-shirt in the recent issue of Rock.....DOUCHBAG! This has inspired me to design the New A-Team Spring Clothing Range.

These items go well with all pimp hats and canes, and will make sure the bumblies know where you stand when it comes to cheating this spring.

Just bring a tee/singlet to A-Team headquaters and I'll use my laundry marker to create your custom rig. Get in while stocks last.

Some other examples: "Kneebars are Cheatbars", "I'd Rather Take a Beatin' than Put My Knee In" & "Wear The Pain, Fool".

***Text only comes in black, so make sure you don't purchase/steal a black shirt.

- Grosey

Francois & Fred visit the Grampians

2009-07-31T11:13:00.000+10:00

So I was at the North Nowra tavern the other night chasin' some tail of questionable quality, when I bumped into this crazy local named Richie Cunningham. He claimed to be an ex Victorian hardman, but was now living the good life at what he claimed to be the best crag in Australia... South Central. Obviously this cat was deranged, but proved to be full entertaining stories about love, loss and his disdain for psytrance. He proceed to regal me with a story, which I now pass on to you for your reading pleasure. Enjoy....

Francois & Fred visit the Grampians, by Richie Cunningham

“It’s ledgy, unsustained and most importantly… boring my friend” I insisted over the phone. But Francois was not taking my recommendations seriously.

“I’m coming to Taipan wall, and that iz final” Francois fired back. Before I knew it, the dial tone rang. He had hung up on me. Just like at Brussles in 1980, I had learnt a valuable life lesson. When big Frank sets his mind to something nothing can stop him. Not even me.

It was 1992 and the birth of sport climbing in Victoria, had just occurred. Francois and his then internationally unknown accomplice Fred were about to get mixed up in the dirty underbelly that is the Victorian climbing scene. And I was there, unable to help the situation that I knew was, some would say, inevitable.

I met Francois and Fred at the mount hollow carpark. They were playing a friendly game of handball on the banks of the old quarry. I was amazed that no Melbourne scenesters had interrupted the game. Foreigners aren’t welcome around these parts. And I knew it. Coming from NZ I had learnt to cleverly disguise my accent or risk a public shaming. You can never be too careful around these parts.

“ We go rockclimbing? ” Francois politely asked, after getting yet another cracking shot past fred’s rock solid defence.

“Sure why not” I responded.

Without a moment of hesitation we threw the packs into the back of my Datsun 180B. It was a fine motor vehicle; the sort of vehicle you wish would never grow old. As we arrived at the flat rock car park I knew that something was a miss though. It was a Wednesday morning, and yet the car park was full? Sh#t felt like it was about to go down, and I sure didn’t want to be the poor fool cleaning up the mess.

Behind the bushes we heard a lady giggling. As we peered over, we saw a young stocky chap laying next to her. He must have been 10 years her junior. The gentle art of seduction is an intriguing process. We all held our breath as the blonde boy spoke. The tension was intense; it felt like we were watching a blockbuster romcom at the cinema.

Then he spoke.

“I just can’t take this anymore….” the unidentified boy pleaded.

His English was so clear. He was either from southern England or was a former Geelong grammar student. We waited for more. But nothing came. He made his move, and she succumbed to his advances.

We left the lovebirds to trudge up flat rock. Fred and Frank were completely perplexed about what had just gone down. I explained that this was considered an advanced PUA manoeuvre, and pretended to know all about it.

As we approached taipan wall, I heard a crash.

“Sacre bleaue!!” screamed Fred.

A rock had just narrowly missed him as he dashed ahead. We heard the unmistakable sound of psytrance and crazed laughter in the distance.

“Don’t worry fellas, just some jokers playing a practical joke. Happens all the time around these parts..” I stated.

This wasn’t exactly true, but I knew that calming Frank down was a good move, no matter what the situation was.

As a warm up the boys wanted to jump on a Serpentine. Fred began to explain to me in stunted English that 8a is not particularly hard in Europe, and these Aussie grades are rumoured to be unbelievably easy. Who was I to argue?

Fred set sail on pitch one clutching five quickdraws, 3 hexes and a hell of a lot of confidence. He slinked across the traverse with an ease of movement I had never seen before. His body seemed to be like a mass of water transferring momentum though each movement. Suddenly he hit a crux section. Instead of using the well trodden sloper sequence, he opted for a line of shallow monos. I must admit, that he looked quite the sight in his stubby shorts. Much like fisherman’s pants in Thailand, Fred was under the impression that all climbers in Australia wore them. He was attempting to fit into Australian society. In racist Australia, this is the best and only thing you can do.

Francoise on the other hand was a traditional frog. He subsided on a diet of Baggett’s, had a slick European hairstyle and wore white tights to the crag. We both seconded up the elementary first pitch to arrive at the small belay ledge.

Francois started the second pitch in good style. But then, it was like something switched off. His movements became less intentional and intuitive, and to be honest, he was fighting to stay on the rock.

“Yis rock, it iz too orange” he moaned.

In all my time at the cliffs I had never heard that one.

“Keep at it bro, it’s ledge to ledge climbing up there” I yelled.

He paid little attention to the encouragement.

“Ze music, I need silence” he muttered.

Blondie’s disco classic, Heart of Glass was now pumping out of the speakers from above. A party was happening at the top of Taipan at bloody 2pm on a Wednesday. A chill ran through my body. Things were apart to turn pear shaped. I could feel it in my bones.

It was obvious to all, Big frank was finding it tough going. Arriving at each higher horizontal visibly a more broken man than the last.

Now two meters from the top.

“SILENCE” he screamed. The smash hit band Chumbamumba was now absolutely cranking at this point.

“Gday mate, you like psytrance?” asked the inebriated young man, with a stubby of VB in hand.

His unkempt appearance reminded Francoise of a street fighter he had tussled with in a Venice back alley before the famous 1982 world cup qualifier.

“No, please let me finish zis rockclimb in peace” pleaded Francois.

“Listen mate, it’s me bucks weekend, and I’ll do anything I like as I’m the king of taipan, Frog!!” claimed the young man

Francois was left speechless.

The spectacled thug was about to learn why Big Frank was the 6 time world champion. Nobody messes with big frank.

Before the young fella even knew what was coming at him, Frank whipped a concealed Magnum from his white tights and unloaded 6 shots at the young punk in succession. Each bullet narrowly missing its intended target.

“Holy crap” I screamed.

A body just whizzed past me. His wirey frame was attached to a peculiar pair of fluffy blue pants, and a “Psytrance forever” t shirt.

“You killed A….” Screamed a young hooligan.

In a state of pure madness he launches his body at Francois. Unable to hold his own weight and that of the attacker from his hand jam, they both take to the air. One by one the carrot bolts popped out of there holes. And they plummet into the trees.

Both guys are instantaneously knocked out by the impact.

“F#ck let’s get outta here” I scream at Fred.

We rap with a barrage of projectiles being thrown at us. I know that if we don’t get outta here soon we’re toast.

We drag Francois away from the scene. The canopy above provides shelter from the masses of beer bottles being thrown. As we stumble past trackside I notice his knocked out attacker is sporting a strange cape and vest combination. My wandering mind can only assume that it must be the latest trend from Chapel street.

We load Frank into the trunk of the car, I turn to Fred.

“I told you it was a bad idea to come to the Grampians… you frogs are always getting yourself into trouble”

Perhaps he didn’t understand me, but he stares blankly at me, seemingly unaware of the direct consequences of our actions.

Suddenly a hand taps me on the shoulder. Expecting the worse I react.

“Hey mate, ease up… it’s your mate Martin… from Smith rocks. Don’t you remember me ?”

Indeed it was martin from Smith rocks. His luscious locks are a dead giveaway

“Hey mate, do you mind if I get a ride into town?” he politely asks.

“Yeah no worries, just get your stuff in the car quicksmart” I promptly say.

Martin begins a conversation with Fred, oblivious to the events that have unfolded today.

“So you didn’t like Taipan eh…”

I interrupt.

“No mate, just ease up on him eh ?... He has just had a bad day OK?“

Martin goes on.

“Oh you don’t say. Taipan is nothing but a photo crag anyway. Well I’ve been developing this great new secret cliff that you may be interested in. A cliff with no kneebars, no hand free rests and most importantly no f#cking psytrance allowed.”

“You don’t say? ” I enquire.

“Yep, you should pay it a visit some day, it’s called………. the Dungeon. “

Recent News

2009-07-26T21:30:00.005+10:00

Well its all go at A-Team headquarters; bouldering, exploring, bolting and general shenanigans have been the rule of the day for the past few weeks.

Alby has been hitting the short and stout, like all good tea-tottlers stroking their teapots, and is getting close to a few of the Grampian's finest test-pieces. We're still in the process of sourcing footage/photos of his FA of The Eagle's Nest from last month.

The Big Man with Little Hands, Philby, has had some time off due to a back strain, however this has not stopped him initiating the development of a new super cave somewhere in the Southern Gramps. Sick Chad!

Not to be outdone, I've also taken the chance during my enforced break due to a pulley strain to completely let myself go. I haven't done as much as a pull up in about 3-4 weeks, and before that hadn't trained for 3-4 more. However in between eating pizza, drinking goon boxes like they were God's own elixir and walking down Chapel Street asking myself "WHY AM I HERE?" (still not sure of that one), I have managed to get up to Stapleton area and bolt a line that I'd eyed off for years. Just putting it out there - this thing is going to take me to a new level, even if I only get close to doing it. Hard is an understatement.

A-Team Friend News - Kent 'KP' Paterson dispatched his project at the Dungeon called Dungeons and Dragons 27, a minging thin balance fest with a ring finger mono, fully sick. Omar Cortes-Manzo aka. Slowpoke Rodriguez last week smashed Shanghai and Spanking the Monkey Bars both V8 on the same afternoon, shows that red beans and fried eggs in the morning does more than just cause arse hurricanes. Sutter's foot is almost free of its plaster shakle. Look out open projects, this man is now psyched.

Ok - I'm off to La Porchetta for the obligatory recover pizza following another night of weight loss (dancing stupidly to some shitty 90's house they play on Chapel St then repeating to psytrance and minimal tech in Brunswick)

- Grosey

Its cold..... So what!!! Man up FOOOOOLS!

2009-07-09T18:17:00.002+10:00

Yup! Its Barry here. Back in cyberspace and ready to stir some shit once more! So where have I been of late you ask? PATHETIC! You're barely worthy of a response to that question to be honest! There you are, sitting back with a glass of red wine, a pair of slippers donned, waiting for your onions to caramelize like those completely hopeless, douchebag "cooks" on Masterchef do, all the while I've been working my ass off trying to get the few climbers out there man enough to brave the cold STRONG!

Thats a good thing right? The state of Victorian is in good hands at least over the winter hibernation period for all the sooks out there who deem it "too cold" to be training. BULLSHIT is say! This, my devout followers of the wood, is primo conditions for acheiving them all imporant training goals! Yet SOME out there, like the originators of this blog, believe otherwise, and have take up defence with some pretty poor excuses as to why they aren't smashing the wood like good little lumberjacks.

Grosey has been a cunning little bastard about it, and put in a lot of ground work with his "injury". I know the truth man. My cuz Eddie the Edge has been feeding me facts, Iran style. For the last 6 weeks, this punter has been complaining of a sore finger. Even going as far as failing on the warmup problems due to "pain"......sounds like a Gay Dave calf pump excuse to me punk! Maybe I should make you the new Douchbag of the month! Alas, word on the wood is that Grosey has been secretly training his 8a dead hangs at home. Conveniant! Safely hidden from the public, the occasional hang in between high scores on Wii Bowling is no training regime chump!

Now, Big Al. That skinny ass wannabe is always out there putting on a smile, not a care in the world. Seems to be doing a lot more socialising these last few weeks and not much climbing. Apparently, he's been "working" too much to train. Harden the F*** up pal! I'm hard at work all damn day trying to turn you pathetic boys into real men! Though, thats a bit of a tough ask when working with a sally like yourself! Wally the Wall (aka Wall of Justice) let me in on the scoop too my wood squeezing friends.... Big Al and Grosey totally set up that shot of Al training on the wood. Wally reckons he nearly caught on fire, given the heat from the inferno raging in the 44 gallon drum just out of shot! Plus Al could never pull that 'ard. Them boney arms are only good for hitting people in the face when falling off boulder problems!

And last but not least, Philby! The one with a woolen jumper permantly growing on his chest and arms, this so called "man" should have no excuses! Yet whats this I hear about a back injury? Again with the injury excuses! And one that even a two year old could see through. Its that those little fingers of yours have poor circulation huh? Rumour has it you you used said excuse the other weekend to not train, and instead headed towards the beach of all places looking to oil up get a tan! Newflash for you muppet! The sun don't shine in winter.... Just wood!

Then we have Sutter breaking his own foot with a rock to get out of winter training. Chris Ticknor "going home" back to the US, just as the frosts are arriving. Pleb is apparently climbing in Europe over our winter, but I have it on good authority that she's splitting her time between cheese, baguets and wine in provincial France, and hardcore Trance clubs in Berlin..... the latter of which, I'm OK with.....just.

But to those of you who have a pair and remain loyal to the wood in the coldest of times, I will reward you with the strength to smash those ming'n crimps on that desperate project of yours come spring time. Like Ultratune, I GUARANTEE IT.

Wood out.

Hot Chocolate - Yes Please!

2009-07-02T14:13:00.009+10:00

Winter in Melbourne/Victoria can be one of the greatest tests of patience known to mankind. For the past month we've been battered with wind and rain comparable to that of a Patagonian adventure. OK, well we all know that that's an exaggeration, but it hasn't been that nice around lately. Grampians action has been severely reduced and as a result only a few things have been going down, and the training is starting to ramp up again.

Big Al has dispatched a new highball project around the corner of the Loopey's area in the Grampians. The 4th Reich (Team Deutchen) were attempting this gem by dynoing from some pockets to a jug at around 8 metres. Al laughing at such stupidity utilised some small holds in between to establish 'The Eagle's Nest' (named for height and German Soul Destruction) coming in at around V7. Nice One Al! - Stay Tuned for Dave Pearson's Photos or Slowpoke Rodriguez's Video.

The Fatman Sutter is out for another few weeks after breaking his foot bouldering/warming up at the base of Muline. Some reports have suggested that the injury was caused by an awkward landing, however COC has the real story. Nick was attempting to beat Wetnuts' rock throw record when dropped the rock on his foot. Nick's excuse is that the Patagonian winds previously mentioned, blew the 10kg chunk of sandstone back at him.

Back in Melbourne, my training is starting again after a 6 weeks off due to a pesky finger injury that won't go away. Again I've not been able to get to Nowra, 3rd year running! Both Sutter and I had planned to rip it up somewhat...yeah that's right, but alas we're both on the disabled list again.

So whats the training goal.....well get my finger back to normal is no. 1. Thanks to Wetnuts I'm on the weight vest bouldering train. Benji Cossey on a recent trip to Melbourne has also discovered the soul cleansing goodness that only extra weight can accomplish. I hooked him up with PowerVest like mine. And lastly, I'm in training to reach the world Top 100 250Hz Powerball high speed list. Fuck yeah. I need to put on 2400rpm to get onto list. Can it be done?......Stay tuned.

http://www.powerballs.com/scoreboard.php?m=Scoreboards

Here are my photos of Al training on the Wall of Justice - the new A-Team Lair, and attempting Annagramma at Hollow Mtn Cave.

Peace - Grosey

Weakend

2009-06-19T11:44:00.002+10:00

Its been a little while since the last COC update, mainly because not much has been happening. The only thing remotely newsworthy is Grosey somehow managing to get in a very public internet fight & slagging match with a disgruntled punter over something that was written by the Big Al. Life just isn't fair sometimes...

The boys and I are off to the best cliff in Australia for a weekend of crushing, that's right, T-pain awaits. Psyched to be getting back on the serpet with Big Al. Fingers crossed that I will manage to get more climbing done than my last trip away where 2.5 routes were done over three days, none of which were actually dry.

Winter in Victoria can suck, but hey I'm being optimistic, spring isn't that far away and the conditions will soon be perfect. The key being that you want to be fighting fit when the weather comes good.

I'm really motivated to start some serious training again, as ive been a bit slack in recent weeks. That means a good solid 10 weeks of training before the spring offensive... I need to be stronger, fitter & lighter. Which means beasting on the fingerboard with my new favorite exercise, the encores. Smashing laps on hard routes at the hanger and running more often.

But I need your help, I am easily distracted by long burly boulder problems, silly dyno's & shiney spoons which in essence does little to help with the above weaknesses... So if you see me masturbating on a silly link up, remind me that im a weakling and send me back to the board where I belong.

Someone needs to step up and do the 10sec one arm on barry!

Philby

Murphey's Law

2009-05-30T17:47:00.005+10:00

Well I think it was Murphey Brown, that suit pants wearing blonde chick who's on Boston Legal now, who said that shit always goes wrong at the worst possible time. Or something like that.....anyway I've got two weeks off from the end of my exams to the start of my clinical placements. Fuck yeah I said to Steven, the rat that lives under my floor boards, I'm outta here. But as luck may have it, Tuesday night at the Lactic Factory ended with a bizzare feeling in my right middle finger. First thought it was the joint, you know the feeling when it needs to be cracked, but by the morning it had swollen a little and was very tender around the A2 pulley region. Sigh....what to do for a couple of weeks instead of climbing. This has been a shit year for injuries, I should start getting used to something going wrong. However bad luck and adversity (all beit not much in this particular case) are what make our pleasures and achievements all the more special. So the plan is to rest for a week, then rehab on some V12's and V13's. It worked to Dai right? Or maybe I'll join Ben, who's in town with brother Lee on tuesday, in some forearm hypertrophy training, and get massive.

Other News: "Fat" Nick Sutter, has again proved that the renaissance man is not a myth. Recently ticking Daniel O'Tiger 30, now with broken early hold (courtesy visting WA shortman), Who's a Naughty Boy 31, and his own Bikini Revenge 31/32 at Muline. Chris Ticknor and Sam Morley have also ticked their first 30 with a plucking of Demon Flower. Nice One Lads!!

- Grosey

Prep of the Euro Trip!

2009-05-28T21:03:00.004+10:00

So a lot has happened in the last month. You know when people say they feel like they are living 2 lives? Well, I must admit I sometimes feel like I am living about 5...

I promised someone I would 'blog' my travels. Blog? What is this thing? Why would anyone want to read an online journal? Aren't journals meant to be your deepest darkest secrets? Where you bring up your innermost feelings about everything and everyone. And therefore, if someone were to 'accidently' stumble upon this journal, they experience the thrill of reading about the authors..lets say..5 lives? Yet- with an online journal- you know people will read it, so you only say what you want people to know? Where's the fun in that?!

But anyway! Let's try my first ever blog!

So I have been spending the last year and a half frantically trying to save money- juggling three jobs (sometimes 4). Watching fat people drown in pools. Little kids poo in water. Helping my favourite 96 yr old lady go for walks in the sunshine. Instructing corporate middle aged people to run up the stairs 10 times then do 10 push ups. Then have a coffee with them...lots of fun. Waking up at 5am. Doing the work thing, then maybe socialising a bit. Then maybe doing a bit of a boulder. Or a swim. Or some running. All in hope of getting euro strong.

It's all pretty exciting. I never thought I would be able to climb the stuff I have recently. I suppose it all started a year and a half ago in New Zealand. When I tagged along with some strong men from Melbourne. I thought to myself, I've just spent the whole year studying for my final year of uni, been outdoors twice, indoors maybe 10, so lets go on a 4 week bouldering trip to Castle Hill with strong guys! Good way to boost the ego. By the time I got home, after all the stories of Europe travelling I knew I had to go. But before that, I had to be able to climb past a 23 (my PB).

So I started a strict training regime. I put a hangboard up in my house (when I say 'I', I mean Josh helped me) and I started bouldering at the Lactic Factory. After all, I have always lacked power, and it's more fun climbing there than anywhere else around Melb!

Training regime was- organise work and social events, and see where the climbing fit in. So that left me 2 days a week, sometimes 1. So I would send a text out, and rock up for a few hours to crush. That hangboard- I still don't think it has any chalk on it. Dust musn't be mistaken for chalk.

This 'training' was supplemented by a once a month Gramps trip. First time to Muiline/Gallery and I was getting absolutely spanked on the supposed 'warmups'. Again, going with fat Nick and Josh boosted my ego. I managed to scramble (use knees/elbows/grunting) my way up crank'n'dangle (24). Woohoo!

Eventually, I ticked some classic routes- Invisible fist, Mr J, Labrynth, Chasin the Shadow. Then, I was totally inspired by Ross on Eye of the Tiger. Grade- who cares- hard. But it looked awesome and I wanted to play. So I did, and I s-t-ruggled. Each and every move. BUT 6 months later (6 trips) I made it to the top- knee bars/knee pads and all!

Next was Monkey Puzzle, I thought it would be nice to do a 28 before I left. It suited me really well- all the bouldering training I had been doing helped me with the 100m endurance fest. Sweet.

Easter- I had high hopes. I had 4 days and I felt fit. Yet- I did nothing. As stated in previous blogs- absolutely nothing. I tried Venon, but got to the last draw. So I thought I would try to finish it before I left the country. Some Tasmanians were around during the week, and so was Gay Dave. And seeing as I had to work weekends, I thought it would be great if I drive up by myself, tick Venom and get ready to pack. Alas, this isn't what went down. Those crazy kids convinced me Slurp'n'slime (Serpentine) was easier and better. And being the gullible person that I am, I believed them. First day on- again- s-t-ruggled. Couldn't get to the top. First crux, yea ok, hard. Second crux- not so bad- did it first go. The 'easy to the top' part- couldn't get past it. But, it was the most fun I had had on a belay ledge- Gay Dave, Dough, Grug and myself balancing up there with 3 slings each...?

So I left, dejected...3 more times. And 4 days before I was to get on a plane, I got out of bed midday. Had some breakfast, strolled up to the best cliff in the world, and tip toed my way to the top in the glorious sun (after almost coming off after the last draw).

I thought I was ready..for my first stop in the UK. After a few crazy days in Dubai, it was London next. I had no accom booked but my friend had a nice single room booked. It was my lucky day, coz the power was out in Russel Sq, leaving all fire stairwells not alarmed. Making sneaking up the fire escape to sleep on the floor far too easy..

5 hour bus ride later- I arrive in Sheffield for a long weekend/bank holiday. I walk into a house full of climbing people and get asked 'pink champagne?'! Party time. Till 8am the next day. Earlier for some. And even later for others (11pm next night).

First day was solo/bouldering at Burbage Nth. Left the house at 7pm hungover and feeling about 20%.

Second day- Trad climbing at Rivelin. My head was a mess. Fumbling up HVS something somethings. Grading here is bizzare. It was the hottest day of the year. Girls were sunbaking in bikinis and boys were shirtless and in shorts. I on the otherhand was in pants and jumper- 'boiling hot' was 20 deg.

Third day- Stanage- Marble wall. Fell off some great E2 crack thing. I'd never fallen on my gear before, but I suppose it works hey! Comes with courtesy bruises and blood on the back of your hands..

Fourth day- Millstone. My favourite so far. Stunning 20m lines. Regent Street- alot of fun!

Fifth day- rain and wind meant we went to Malham. A shiny polished limestone sport crag. hmm. All that fitness I thought I had? Lies. Wet shiny rock proved to beat me back down to reality.

So I've decided to have a rest. Drink some tea, read a book and test this blog thing out...and ponder on the fact that everyone here is so lovely. And don't work!? Definately a lifestyle I could get used to...till I run out of money. Then they have all sworn to keep me captive as a sex slave/steal my passport and chain me up as a belay slave...

Until the next time, I'll be heading to North Wales and Pembroke for the next few weeks...in this life anyway. Who knows what's going on in my other secret 4 lives! One can only imagine.

Fun and Games

2009-05-22T20:05:00.005+10:00

This easter was more than just hanging out in the dirt and climbing. It was about having fun with friends, talking shit, drinking and participating in silly challenges. One such activity confronted a primative fear well associated with climbing; the fear of falling.

I've now done the Taipan Jump three times, and the thrill doesn't get that old. There's something about holding onto more than 40 meteres of slack rope while staring down one the wall's most iconic features, Serpentine. This is the perfect exercise for developing logic's power over gut feeling. You know ropes are designed with twice as much force considered and that the bolts will hold, but there's still that little butterfly dive bombing your weet-bix into submission.

This video was made with 6 guys and 3 point and shoot cameras, a green cape and some furry blue shorts. Enjoy.

- Grosey

also at

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m60Ks_4qD70

Thank God It's The Weekend Hey!

2009-05-21T17:32:00.002+10:00

Well, its the start of my weekend anyway. Sitting in an office all week, cold calling hundreds of business', repeating the same sales pitch, all the while dreaming of that rad credit card crimp I was pulling off on Demon Flower just a day or two before. Depressing. However, money earned allows one to piss off Friday (or in this case Thursday) night, chuck the still damp tent, rank sleeping bag and dirty plate, bowl and fork in the car, crank the tunes, and battle the rest of the population out of the city with the blaring of a horn and a flick of the finger. 'Screw you all' I think as I move through the car park that is Alexander Pde. Secretly I think they should all envy me, for I alone have had the awesome idea that leaving the city for quieter, greener pastures for the next two days. Until they turn up in caravans, chainsaw in hand, screaming at the kids on bikes that breakfast is ready.

Now I know it may seem a tad hypocritical, considering I have had a hand in my fair share of noisy late night (and all night) ragers in campgrounds, but I reason my innocence by believing that I come out to the bush to get away from the luxuries and reliance of creature comforts we are bubble wrapped in, living in the city. This idea that it is still considered 'escaping', even though we take a portable version of out city selves.....rubbish. Over the long weekends, Stapylton resemebles a portable version of the Melbourne, along with its own traffic jams, nuffy drivers, warring neighbours and kids playing cricket on the street while the folks sit on the back porch by the BBQ nibbling Jats crackers and knocking back glasses of cheap chardy.

But, alas, this weekend will be awesome. I'm taking my Scottish mate Andy out bouldering for his first taste of Grampians sandstone. He's been here 3 months and still hasn't been out there.....what a chump hahaha! So for the weekend, yet again, and as will happen many many more times this year, i get to 'escape' the city life, forget everything that does't really matter anyway, and go climb some sweet, sweet orange sandstone with my mates. What could be better!?

Play safe this weekend kiddies. Happy birthday Timmy!

Al

Way of the Weekend Warrior

2009-05-18T14:39:00.003+10:00

Bushido was the way of the Samurai.......Bullshit is the way of Weekend Warrior.

Thats all for now......I'm just over getting out once a month (which has been the case), having to relearn a sequence and then fall off from the jugs at the top because of a lack of match fitness that can only come from climbing on rock.

Melbourne...you have great coffee, great night life and you're not totally full of pretentious wankers....but fuck, you are too far away from the climbing to allow a hack like me to be any good.

Ok, so I can't change Melbourne's geographical location, or the grampians for that matter. Yes, I'm stuck here for the near future. But mentally I feel like a pile of mud today, and this is one of the two reasons why. Thought I'd share a thought, so no need to leave comments, I'm aware of how pathetic this is, but I can't whinge about the other reason so this'll have to do.

Pleb's Promotion

2009-05-14T08:55:00.001+10:00

Less than one week before departing on her maiden voyage, Andrea 'the Pleb' Hah has jumped upon the rapidly filling send-train that is Serpentine. This iconic route, graded 29 on the old scale, breeches the center of Taipan wall and is one the majority of climbers dare to attempt. Perhaps due to a rich, colourful yet intimidating history or maybe because it is a mixed gear multipitch. Eh, whatever....this route is a shitload of fun and people should get on it. Andrea showed great dedication to the cause, enduring several days hanging out with Gay Dave and the Tassie 'Tards. How she managed not to laugh herself off that belay ledge I will never know. In true A-Team style, Pleb post-send, smashed several Dark and Stormies (her favourite drink boys ;-) ) and proceeded to destroy everything within an arm's reach using a bloody mallet; this is the done thing nowadays. So what does this all mean? Have we found a rock-star in the making? Perhaps. Time will tell. Until then Pleb will be writing a travel journal from her 6month+ trip to Europe, so stayed tuned for it....exclusive to COC.

PS: Doug 'Dougal' McConnell has sent Rage 29 and Sidewinder 27 in the past week. He can now retire from the Taipan ledge. Nice one ballbagger!

- Grosey

Taipan Tassie Tickage and Other Unrelated News.

2009-05-07T17:54:00.000+10:00

Quick update of the stuff that's been going down in the last week.

The Tassie 'Tards have pretty much destroyed the myth that was once Serpentine, showing that even two headed fat blokes with webbed feet can get up it.
Dougal, Grug and CJ have all jumped aboard the sendage train in the past week or so. Of note this was Grug's first 29, having done Monkey Puzzle 28 only days before, his first 28. Only today Grug fell at the top of Cobwebs 28 at Araps, while Dougal sucked on his sore tips, after a session with Rage 29. No doubt both will go down faster than a bitch on heat.
Deano aka 'the Cleaner', not to be left out has become the weakest human since Joey O's heyday to tick anything harder than a box on a dole form, piecing together Monkey Puzzle. Nice one brother.

In other news - Team America have left our sunny shores to find solace with their own kind. Their trip report will be sent in soon - If Wetnuts ever learns how to use a computer.
A few quality routes were done by Mikey and Dave including Fabios Route, Nomads and Duel Fuel. Katie the "angry dwarf" even put in a cameo appearance at the local bouldering comp, although under the guise of Suzie Maroni....it didn't work, people started to pull copies of Pilgrimage from their bags for her to autograph. Put off for only a minute, KB did put in performance to outweigh her small stature....at the afterparty, rocking a sweet fur vest and leopard print fedora.

A-Team News - Not much happening really. We competed at the boulder comp last weekend, some good results had. Better next time for sure. Pleb is about a 4 hour drive and 30 mins walk from sending Serpentine. She's then off to sunny Europe to learn what real hardship is all about. If you see her over there (easily spotted from all the gear she carries for everyone) slap her about a bit, she likes it. Philby off to Taipan central.....again for Serpentine - Fuck whats with this route, is it because someone's gear and jug rope are always on it at the moment? Al's stuck at home this weekend, busy week in the office. And me, well I'm going send big this weekend.....yeah ......you heard me. First off, Wild Orchids at Muline
Watch this space for news of team sends and videos.

Fat People. What's up with that? - Grosey

Round 1 Red Chili Pump Fest Boulder Comp Wrap Up

2009-05-03T12:30:00.001+10:00

Hey cats, just a quick wrap up of yesterdays legendary bouldering competition. The competition was held at the newly built Bayside Rock in Carrum downs, and was the grand opening for the gym....well at least the bouldering area of the gym (climbing walls are still a few months away). Lots of eager beavers turned up, with maybe 90 competing over the 2 sessions enjoying the world class boulder problems set by some of the most genius setters this sport has ever seen. The A-Team represented with all the class, style, energy, poise, modesty and overall awesomeness that they have become to be renown for.

The beast known as Philby put in a tremendous effort, growling his way up many hard problems during the 2 hour pump fest. Whilst apparently not smart enough to fill out his score sheet and perform simple maths equations, it was realised when the finals competitors were announced, that he probably would have scored high enough to have been in the finals! Philby's not a glory man anyway, more the silent assassin type.

Speaking of chest beating, oiled up, sugar driven men only in it for the glory, the big man Grosey! Started the session with late arrival, low blood sugar and a spastic gut, but left standing on the podium in 3rd! Grosey climbed solidly through out the pump fest with minimal hissy fits and lots of crushing. I'm not sure if he'll ever find it in himself to forgive the skinny little douchebag fucker who got in his way while climbing and copped a kick in the head for his efforts, making Joshy the poor lad fall off. Wait...is that the sad sound of violins I'm just hearing now??? Scoring 373, just 1 point behind Juppy in second place, Grosey flashed all the finals problems he came too, but being beat by that 1 point on count back! "Boulder comps are gay anyway. I'm going to Muline" i think i heard him mutter....

But the most successful team member of the day was Pleb who smashed her way through the finals and finished first. Not bad for a chick I suppose. With a score after the pump fest that would have qualified her for the mens finals, the setters were busy adjusting the finals problems last minute to make them harder, but to no avail. Pleb flashed them all bar the last and hardest one, where she flashed up to the second last move, but still well and truly enough to take out first place. This goes a little way to make up for the woeful contribution to the A-Team Easter ticklist.

Katie 'KB' Brown was even coaxed out of the house for the day and made an appearance. In between sit down sessions on the floor, and the occasional intense, nightmare flashbacks of World Cups as a teenager, climbed super strong, out climbing the majority of the girls and guys competing.

Top 3 Placings:

DOODS:
1st - Mark Spoelstra
2nd - Justin Power
3rd - Josh 'Grosey' Grose

CHIX:
1st - Andrea 'Pleb' Hah
2nd - Ashlee Hendy
3rd - Louisa Iacono

Scandalous pics and XXX LIVE WEBCAM VIDEO to follow.

Have fun. Be safe. Mash the fat.

Douchebag of the Month

2009-04-23T10:34:00.000+10:00

Right, well now. I'm Barry. I'm made of ply, but that don't mean I take any shit, but I am heaps sick hey. Anyways there's going to be some changes around here, starting with my new monthly segment.

Last Month, that junkie 'Grosey' ranted and raved about kneebars and how they are as good as stealing monopoly money from a retard. This created a bit of stir as evident in the comments that were posted back. Well I guess its rather ironic that the winner of the first DB of the Month award be one such stirred individual.

And The Winner Is........Dave. Dave last week blew an ascent due to a 'calf failure' (that's right, he'd kneebarred so much on the route his calf gave out) which sent him flailing into the air from with in reach of the summit. Damn thats gotta suck hey.

Just goes to show you that instead of resting you should just punch that sucka out!

NB. Douchebags don't actually win a prize, but they do have a chance to redeem themselves. Cold beers are accepted forms of payments. I'll also be out at the crags, hanging around from the first bolts of routes taking notes, so watch out, you might be the next DB.

- Barry

Red Chili Pumpfest Series

2009-04-23T09:01:00.000+10:00

Three local gyms have combined to run a three round Pump fest.

Round One - 2 May at Bayside Rock, Melbourne's newest venue for crushing
Round Two - 6 June at The Rock
Round Three - 4 July at The Lactic Factory.

More Info here

Easter Roundup

2009-04-22T20:33:00.002+10:00

I guess its true, good things come to those who wait and for me its been a long time coming. A whole heap of shit has gone down between drinks, or should I say I went down like a heap of shit then drank a fair bit. Easter's autumn conditions acted as a guiding light to work towards. First getting out of the wheelchair (my 2nd one cause i busted the first doing wheelies around a down-ramp at uni) then rebuilding my legs to walk again, and finally getting fit enough to climb in the Grampians with the crew in April. But alas as with all good things they never last, and I find myself back in Melburn wishing I wasn't, procrastinating from study by customising a hangboard and planning the next trip away.

Philby feels the same way....

"I sometimes forget how great the climbing life can be, especially on an extended trip. It really hits home that first day back at work when you realise you wont be climbing today. There is something so pure & simple about waking up in a beautiful place, surrounded by beautiful people and going about your day's climbing without a care in the world. When your hardest decision of the day is "Where should I climb today?", life is pretty bloody good."

Man is he poetic or what? Don't answer.

"What did this 'A-Team' do?" I hear you ask. Well.....we did a bit, but not as much as I'd imagined, maybe my goals were too high, and the conditions too humid, the beer to cold, or too many crazy chicks around. Some notable ticks were pencilled in, and some were oh so close. Tis all good though, as hearts are broken, lessons are learned. Here's the top 11......

1. There must be something really interesting in KB's tent because she spent an awful lot of time in there (don't hate on me Katie - This was Philby's)
2. Don't go to the Horsham pub for a shower unless you want to be abused. Cavendish Pub is the go for free chocolate and tops food.
3. Dave 'Wetnuts' never stops eating

4. An intoxicated chick pissing on the fire is not good for the mind or the nose.

5. Jumping off Taipan in a cape doesn't make the experience any longer.

6. Barry the Board is a cunt.

7. Sutter only uses 3 pieces of TP at any one sitting??????

8. 5 couples sitting around a fire is probably the most boring fire i've walked into. Douchbags!

9. A slackline slap to the nuts doesn't tickle, neither does chasing cavemen carry clubs.
10. The Big Al and Grosey combination is unbeatable in night Bocce.
11. The Knighthawk has learned what a comeback is, but not what constitutes a good one.

The A-Team Routes/Boulders Ticked List

Big Al - Dead Heat V11, Fabio's Route 29, Taipan Descent in Furry Pants
Philby - Tyranny 29
Grosey - Chicane 29, Taipan Descent in Fluro Green Cape
The Pleb - Nothing

Team America

Mike 'Pretty-Boy' Patz - Desert Rose 27
Dave 'Wetnuts' Wetmore - Fabio's Route 29
Katie 'KB' Brown - Nothing
Chris 'Tickle my Balls' Ticknor - Smashed the Gramps into submission leaving Fabios' Route (29), Nomads (29), Naughty Tickle Town (28) & Velvet Goldmine (27) in his wake.

Doug 'Doogal' McConnell also took part with a quick sends of Venom & Monkey Puzzle, both 28, holding up his end of the stick for the Retards from Tassie.

Philby's Shots

Mike attempting Nomads, Saints and Indians 29 - Millenium Caves
and me warming up for another oh so close of Academia

Celebrations

2009-04-22T15:07:00.000+10:00

A few points to note...

* Big congratulations to Rosco & Alex who got hitched on Saturday. Ross has now officially retired from climbing to focus on his new career as a housewife.

* Best wishes for Pat & Mel who are getting hitched in Thailand next week. Hopefully Pat remembers to wear pants.

Barry the Board

2009-04-22T13:27:00.000+10:00

Barry the Board

The A-team has a new member... 'Barry the Board'. Barry is a beast, so suffocatingly powerful he has yet to be tamed by anyone but a wild Yeti dubbed wetnuts. Wetnuts emerged from the dense Grampians bush to crush Barry to within an inch of his life. Unfortunately, one human was harmed during the wetnuts crushing spree.

The Easter roundup is on its way folks... Stay tuned!

Cheers,

Phil

Easter

2009-04-07T14:27:00.000+10:00

I'm not a religious kind of guy, but I do appreciate when someone sacrifices him/herself for the greater good....in this case that crazy hallucinating mexican has given us a welcomed autumn break. So lets get climbing.

Several Americans are flying in especially for the good weather. Mike Patz and Katie Brown will be in the Grampians for some fine sandstone action. Of course Victoria's ATeam (think of cricket's Australia A) will also be in fine form. Watch this space for photos, news and videos of the upcoming week of mayhem.

Knee Bars are Cheating

2009-03-26T22:59:00.000+11:00

Ok, so here's my first post. In direct contrast to previous posts on this blog...this should be taken with the upmost seriousness.

In recent times, it has come to the attention of COC (thats us, just in crazy computer lingo shorthand shit) that some of our classic grampians sport routes are becoming nothing more than rest-a-thons. A few recent ascents of Eye of the Tiger at Muline have utilised a kneebar that requires a pad, a pad for christ sake, only 3 moves from the obvious jugs that you hang on after the lip. One victorian who shall remain nameless only because he also writes on this site, only the other week tried to get a double knee bar just after the first bolt on Menstral as Anything, as the name suggests a pad would have come in handy, as this attempt proved futile.

Yesterday at the Gallery i witnessed two different paths Victorian climbing could head down. One one hand the next big thing in Australian climbing, The Pleb aka. Andrea Hah, dispatched Monkey Puzzle, 28, with more ease than ever before witnessed. Fucking A. On the other I heard sequences being discussed, not of moves, but rather of rests mainly kneebars, and boy there were a lot of kneebars. This of course meant knee pads yet again.

Is this what climbing is coming to? Do we no longer aspire to link together hard sequences of moves that push us to our limits, both physical and mental? Has climbing just become a series of rests where we get to feel safe and comfortable? I have done one such route, Lourdes in El Chorro. Hands down the softest 29 or 8a on the bloody planet - more like 26. This route is long maybe 30 meters, I can't remember I was almost asleep the whole route, due to the whole thing being a rest-fest. I would climb three moves, and then have to focus all my attention on reminding myself I was still on a route. how memorable.

I do regress, back to the knee bars. Scums are in, but pads should be out. Other wise we'll be over run with man-bladers. Thats right. Men or women (but man-bladers are generally male) clad in bike shorts and matching tops, covered head to to in hard plasic pads and probably a stack hat. Really, if you are putting that much weight into you knee then is really that necessary to use it? Here is an arstasitc depiction of what it will be like at the crags when these muppets get out.

Peace to your Mother. - Grosey

Projecting….. A love affair?

2009-03-24T14:50:00.000+11:00

After reading Graeme Fairbairns’ article on stealing projects in a recent issue of Rock, I began thinking about the amount of time some of us spend projecting certain routes and problems. I’m not talking specifically about our own bolted routes; it could be anything from the classic old school test pieces of yesteryear or a new age boulder thug fest. Whatever it may be, many of us find ourselves dedicating countless days, sometimes years to one route, slowly & methodically beating it into submission. The reasons we project routes can be different for everyone, but overall I would say it boils down to one major point…What inspires you?

Now some of you may be thinking, "There is nothing special or difficult about sieging a route into submission’, anyone can do that!" This is simply not true. The perseverance and dedication required to stay motivated & keep training, of course while balancing life’s’ other commitments is not an easy task.

Everyone I spoke to about this question had similar answers… We are inspired by big impressive lines on beautiful stone. We like routes with a bit of history or a good story behind them, and most importantly, something we have to work for. If you don’t have to work for the route, be it on the onsight or a red-point it will undoubtedly be less memorable.

Here in lies the problem for us mere mortals incapable off reeling of 8a’s quicker than the local Horsham girl’s reel of their phone numbers. The big amazing lines with a colourful history unfortunately tend to be on the difficult side. Now don’t get me wrong, there are some amazing lower grade routes out there with phenomenal lines, but I doubt anyone would say they get the same feelings, the same sweaty palms when they look up at serpentine as they do when they look up at the Bard for example. Looking up at Taipan glowing in the afternoon sun is reason enough to remind anyone why we climb.

Many of us simply don’t have the time, or more importantly, time on rock, to get to the stage where we can climb routes at, or close to our limits, without at least some level of siege tactics. Meaning that if you want to climb one of those classic Grampians or Arapiles test pieces; be it Weaveworld, Mr Joshua, Monkey Puzzle or Punks in the gym, projecting is the only option.

I remember making a trip to the Gallery early on in my climbing life and just being blown away by what was possible. Gazing up at the line of Monkey puzzle, I knew it was a route I had to do. Five or so years later on a sunny September afternoon I found myself starting up the route, moving slowly between the bolts, gradually feeling out the movement required to get to the top. The feeling of just being on the route was amazing. By the end of my second day on the route I had managed to do the route in two sections and knew it was possible. I thought to myself, a route this good is worth as many days as it takes to do because I know it will be worth it in the end. My send of this HB classic still remains as one of the fondest memories in my climbing life.

There are some almost legendary stories of climbers dedicating themselves over many weeks & years in an attempt to finally send a project. I’m sure anyone who has invested a large amount of time into a route at their physical & mental limit, would know the pain of failing after the crux, pumping off on jugs, or worse, falling at the anchors.

It can be tough, keeping your sanity after you peel off the summit jugs for the umpteenth time. Nevertheless, there are countless climbers who dedicate weekend after weekend trying their current dream route because like so many of us, trying an amazing line is just like a love affair… Passionate, inspiring and of course difficult, and in the end always worth the effort!

And so it goes that love affairs, like all good things in life, eventually come to an end, and we find the whole process starts over as you fall in love all over again.

Phil

Phil on Monkey Puzzle (7c+/28), The Gallery, Grampians, Australia

Improve your life...

2009-03-23T16:35:00.000+11:00

Get psyched people, primo Taipan conditions are approaching.