Murphey's Law

Well I think it was Murphey Brown, that suit pants wearing blonde chick who's on Boston Legal now, who said that shit always goes wrong at the worst possible time. Or something like that.....anyway I've got two weeks off from the end of my exams to the start of my clinical placements. Fuck yeah I said to Steven, the rat that lives under my floor boards, I'm outta here. But as luck may have it, Tuesday night at the Lactic Factory ended with a bizzare feeling in my right middle finger. First thought it was the joint, you know the feeling when it needs to be cracked, but by the morning it had swollen a little and was very tender around the A2 pulley region. Sigh....what to do for a couple of weeks instead of climbing. This has been a shit year for injuries, I should start getting used to something going wrong. However bad luck and adversity (all beit not much in this particular case) are what make our pleasures and achievements all the more special. So the plan is to rest for a week, then rehab on some V12's and V13's. It worked to Dai right? Or maybe I'll join Ben, who's in town with brother Lee on tuesday, in some forearm hypertrophy training, and get massive.

Other News: "Fat" Nick Sutter, has again proved that the renaissance man is not a myth. Recently ticking Daniel O'Tiger 30, now with broken early hold (courtesy visting WA shortman), Who's a Naughty Boy 31, and his own Bikini Revenge 31/32 at Muline. Chris Ticknor and Sam Morley have also ticked their first 30 with a plucking of Demon Flower. Nice One Lads!!

- Grosey

Prep of the Euro Trip!

So a lot has happened in the last month. You know when people say they feel like they are living 2 lives? Well, I must admit I sometimes feel like I am living about 5...

I promised someone I would 'blog' my travels. Blog? What is this thing? Why would anyone want to read an online journal? Aren't journals meant to be your deepest darkest secrets? Where you bring up your innermost feelings about everything and everyone. And therefore, if someone were to 'accidently' stumble upon this journal, they experience the thrill of reading about the authors..lets say..5 lives? Yet- with an online journal- you know people will read it, so you only say what you want people to know? Where's the fun in that?! 

But anyway! Let's try my first ever blog! 

So I have been spending the last year and a half frantically trying to save money- juggling three jobs (sometimes 4). Watching fat people drown in pools. Little kids poo in water. Helping my favourite 96 yr old lady go for walks in the sunshine. Instructing corporate middle aged people to run up the stairs 10 times then do 10 push ups. Then have a coffee with them...lots of fun. Waking up at 5am. Doing the work thing, then maybe socialising a bit. Then maybe doing a bit of a boulder. Or a swim. Or some running. All in hope of getting euro strong. 

It's all pretty exciting. I never thought I would be able to climb the stuff I have recently. I suppose it all started a year and a half ago in New Zealand. When I tagged along with some strong men from Melbourne. I thought to myself, I've just spent the whole year studying for my final year of uni, been outdoors twice, indoors maybe 10, so lets go on a 4 week bouldering trip to Castle Hill with strong guys! Good way to boost the ego. By the time I got home, after all the stories of Europe travelling I knew I had to go. But before that, I had to be able to climb past a 23 (my PB). 

So I started a strict training regime. I put a hangboard up in my house (when I say 'I', I mean Josh helped me) and I started bouldering at the Lactic Factory. After all, I have always lacked power, and it's more fun climbing there than anywhere else around Melb! 

Training regime was- organise work and social events, and see where the climbing fit in. So that left me 2 days a week, sometimes 1. So I would send a text out, and rock up for a few hours to crush. That hangboard- I still don't think it has any chalk on it. Dust musn't be mistaken for chalk. 

This 'training' was supplemented by a once a month Gramps trip. First time to Muiline/Gallery and I was getting absolutely spanked on the supposed 'warmups'. Again, going with fat Nick and Josh boosted my ego. I managed to scramble (use knees/elbows/grunting) my way up crank'n'dangle (24). Woohoo! 

Eventually, I ticked some classic routes- Invisible fist, Mr J, Labrynth, Chasin the Shadow. Then, I was totally inspired by Ross on Eye of the Tiger. Grade- who cares- hard. But it looked awesome and I wanted to play. So I did, and I s-t-ruggled. Each and every move. BUT 6 months later (6 trips) I made it to the top- knee bars/knee pads and all! 

Next was Monkey Puzzle, I thought it would be nice to do a 28 before I left. It suited me really well- all the bouldering training I had been doing helped me with the 100m endurance fest. Sweet. 

Easter- I had high hopes. I had 4 days and I felt fit. Yet- I did nothing. As stated in previous blogs- absolutely nothing. I tried Venon, but got to the last draw. So I thought I would try to finish it before I left the country. Some Tasmanians were around during the week, and so was Gay Dave. And seeing as I had to work weekends, I thought it would be great if I drive up by myself, tick Venom and get ready to pack. Alas, this isn't what went down. Those crazy kids convinced me Slurp'n'slime (Serpentine) was easier and better. And being the gullible person that I am, I believed them. First day on- again- s-t-ruggled. Couldn't get to the top. First crux, yea ok, hard. Second crux- not so bad- did it first go. The 'easy to the top' part- couldn't get past it. But, it was the most fun I had had on a belay ledge- Gay Dave, Dough, Grug and myself balancing up there with 3 slings each...? 

So I left, dejected...3 more times. And 4 days before I was to get on a plane, I got out of bed midday. Had some breakfast, strolled up to the best cliff in the world, and tip toed my way to the top in the glorious sun (after almost coming off after the last draw). 

I thought I was ready..for my first stop in the UK. After a few crazy days in Dubai, it was London next. I had no accom booked but my friend had a nice single room booked. It was my lucky day, coz the power was out in Russel Sq, leaving all fire stairwells not alarmed. Making sneaking up the fire escape to sleep on the floor far too easy..

5 hour bus ride later- I arrive in Sheffield for a long weekend/bank holiday. I walk into a house full of climbing people and get asked 'pink champagne?'! Party time. Till 8am the next day. Earlier for some. And even later for others (11pm next night). 

First day was solo/bouldering at Burbage Nth. Left the house at 7pm hungover and feeling about 20%. 

Second day- Trad climbing at Rivelin. My head was a mess. Fumbling up HVS something somethings. Grading here is bizzare. It was the hottest day of the year. Girls were sunbaking in bikinis and boys were shirtless and in shorts. I on the otherhand was in pants and jumper- 'boiling hot' was 20 deg. 

Third day- Stanage- Marble wall. Fell off some great E2 crack thing. I'd never fallen on my gear before, but I suppose it works hey! Comes with courtesy bruises and blood on the back of your hands..

Fourth day- Millstone. My favourite so far. Stunning 20m lines. Regent Street- alot of fun! 

Fifth day- rain and wind meant we went to Malham. A shiny polished limestone sport crag. hmm. All that fitness I thought I had? Lies. Wet shiny rock proved to beat me back down to reality. 

So I've decided to have a rest. Drink some tea, read a book and test this blog thing out...and ponder on the fact that everyone here is so lovely. And don't work!? Definately a lifestyle I could get used to...till I run out of money. Then they have all sworn to keep me captive as a sex slave/steal my passport and chain me up as a belay slave...

Until the next time, I'll be heading to North Wales and Pembroke for the next few weeks...in this life anyway. Who knows what's going on in my other secret 4 lives! One can only imagine. 

Fun and Games

This easter was more than just hanging out in the dirt and climbing. It was about having fun with friends, talking shit, drinking and participating in silly challenges. One such activity confronted a primative fear well associated with climbing; the fear of falling.

I've now done the Taipan Jump three times, and the thrill doesn't get that old. There's something about holding onto more than 40 meteres of slack rope while staring down one the wall's most iconic features, Serpentine. This is the perfect exercise for developing logic's power over gut feeling. You know ropes are designed with twice as much force considered and that the bolts will hold, but there's still that little butterfly dive bombing your weet-bix into submission.

This video was made with 6 guys and 3 point and shoot cameras, a green cape and some furry blue shorts. Enjoy.

- Grosey

also at

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m60Ks_4qD70

Thank God It's The Weekend Hey!

Well, its the start of my weekend anyway. Sitting in an office all week, cold calling hundreds of business', repeating the same sales pitch, all the while dreaming of that rad credit card crimp I was pulling off on Demon Flower just a day or two before. Depressing. However, money earned allows one to piss off Friday (or in this case Thursday) night, chuck the still damp tent, rank sleeping bag and dirty plate, bowl and fork in the car, crank the tunes, and battle the rest of the population out of the city with the blaring of a horn and a flick of the finger. 'Screw you all' I think as I move through the car park that is Alexander Pde. Secretly I think they should all envy me, for I alone have had the awesome idea that leaving the city for quieter, greener pastures for the next two days. Until they turn up in caravans, chainsaw in hand, screaming at the kids on bikes that breakfast is ready.

Now I know it may seem a tad hypocritical, considering I have had a hand in my fair share of noisy late night (and all night) ragers in campgrounds, but I reason my innocence by believing that I come out to the bush to get away from the luxuries and reliance of creature comforts we are bubble wrapped in, living in the city. This idea that it is still considered 'escaping', even though we take a portable version of out city selves.....rubbish. Over the long weekends, Stapylton resemebles a portable version of the Melbourne, along with its own traffic jams, nuffy drivers, warring neighbours and kids playing cricket on the street while the folks sit on the back porch by the BBQ nibbling Jats crackers and knocking back glasses of cheap chardy.

But, alas, this weekend will be awesome. I'm taking my Scottish mate Andy out bouldering for his first taste of Grampians sandstone. He's been here 3 months and still hasn't been out there.....what a chump hahaha! So for the weekend, yet again, and as will happen many many more times this year, i get to 'escape' the city life, forget everything that does't really matter anyway, and go climb some sweet, sweet orange sandstone with my mates. What could be better!?

Play safe this weekend kiddies. Happy birthday Timmy!

Al

Way of the Weekend Warrior

Bushido was the way of the Samurai.......Bullshit is the way of Weekend Warrior.

Thats all for now......I'm just over getting out once a month (which has been the case), having to relearn a sequence and then fall off from the jugs at the top because of a lack of match fitness that can only come from climbing on rock.

Melbourne...you have great coffee, great night life and you're not totally full of pretentious wankers....but fuck, you are too far away from the climbing to allow a hack like me to be any good.

Ok, so I can't change Melbourne's geographical location, or the grampians for that matter. Yes, I'm stuck here for the near future. But mentally I feel like a pile of mud today, and this is one of the two reasons why. Thought I'd share a thought, so no need to leave comments, I'm aware of how pathetic this is, but I can't whinge about the other reason so this'll have to do.

Pleb's Promotion

Less than one week before departing on her maiden voyage, Andrea 'the Pleb' Hah has jumped upon the rapidly filling send-train that is Serpentine. This iconic route, graded 29 on the old scale, breeches the center of Taipan wall and is one the majority of climbers dare to attempt. Perhaps due to a rich, colourful yet intimidating history or maybe because it is a mixed gear multipitch. Eh, whatever....this route is a shitload of fun and people should get on it. Andrea showed great dedication to the cause, enduring several days hanging out with Gay Dave and the Tassie 'Tards. How she managed not to laugh herself off that belay ledge I will never know. In true A-Team style, Pleb post-send, smashed several Dark and Stormies (her favourite drink boys ;-) ) and proceeded to destroy everything within an arm's reach using a bloody mallet; this is the done thing nowadays. So what does this all mean? Have we found a rock-star in the making? Perhaps. Time will tell. Until then Pleb will be writing a travel journal from her 6month+ trip to Europe, so stayed tuned for it....exclusive to COC.

PS: Doug 'Dougal' McConnell has sent Rage 29 and Sidewinder 27 in the past week. He can now retire from the Taipan ledge. Nice one ballbagger!

- Grosey

Taipan Tassie Tickage and Other Unrelated News.

Quick update of the stuff that's been going down in the last week.

The Tassie 'Tards have pretty much destroyed the myth that was once Serpentine, showing that even two headed fat blokes with webbed feet can get up it.
Dougal, Grug and CJ have all jumped aboard the sendage train in the past week or so. Of note this was Grug's first 29, having done Monkey Puzzle 28 only days before, his first 28. Only today Grug fell at the top of Cobwebs 28 at Araps, while Dougal sucked on his sore tips, after a session with Rage 29. No doubt both will go down faster than a bitch on heat.
Deano aka 'the Cleaner', not to be left out has become the weakest human since Joey O's heyday to tick anything harder than a box on a dole form, piecing together Monkey Puzzle. Nice one brother.

In other news - Team America have left our sunny shores to find solace with their own kind. Their trip report will be sent in soon - If Wetnuts ever learns how to use a computer.
A few quality routes were done by Mikey and Dave including Fabios Route, Nomads and Duel Fuel. Katie the "angry dwarf" even put in a cameo appearance at the local bouldering comp, although under the guise of Suzie Maroni....it didn't work, people started to pull copies of Pilgrimage from their bags for her to autograph. Put off for only a minute, KB did put in performance to outweigh her small stature....at the afterparty, rocking a sweet fur vest and leopard print fedora.

A-Team News - Not much happening really. We competed at the boulder comp last weekend, some good results had. Better next time for sure. Pleb is about a 4 hour drive and 30 mins walk from sending Serpentine. She's then off to sunny Europe to learn what real hardship is all about. If you see her over there (easily spotted from all the gear she carries for everyone) slap her about a bit, she likes it. Philby off to Taipan central.....again for Serpentine - Fuck whats with this route, is it because someone's gear and jug rope are always on it at the moment? Al's stuck at home this weekend, busy week in the office. And me, well I'm going send big this weekend.....yeah ......you heard me. First off, Wild Orchids at Muline
Watch this space for news of team sends and videos.

Fat People. What's up with that? - Grosey

Round 1 Red Chili Pump Fest Boulder Comp Wrap Up

Hey cats, just a quick wrap up of yesterdays legendary bouldering competition. The competition was held at the newly built Bayside Rock in Carrum downs, and was the grand opening for the gym....well at least the bouldering area of the gym (climbing walls are still a few months away). Lots of eager beavers turned up, with maybe 90 competing over the 2 sessions enjoying the world class boulder problems set by some of the most genius setters this sport has ever seen. The A-Team represented with all the class, style, energy, poise, modesty and overall awesomeness that they have become to be renown for.

The beast known as Philby put in a tremendous effort, growling his way up many hard problems during the 2 hour pump fest. Whilst apparently not smart enough to fill out his score sheet and perform simple maths equations, it was realised when the finals competitors were announced, that he probably would have scored high enough to have been in the finals! Philby's not a glory man anyway, more the silent assassin type.

Speaking of chest beating, oiled up, sugar driven men only in it for the glory, the big man Grosey! Started the session with late arrival, low blood sugar and a spastic gut, but left standing on the podium in 3rd! Grosey climbed solidly through out the pump fest with minimal hissy fits and lots of crushing. I'm not sure if he'll ever find it in himself to forgive the skinny little douchebag fucker who got in his way while climbing and copped a kick in the head for his efforts, making Joshy the poor lad fall off. Wait...is that the sad sound of violins I'm just hearing now??? Scoring 373, just 1 point behind Juppy in second place, Grosey flashed all the finals problems he came too, but being beat by that 1 point on count back! "Boulder comps are gay anyway. I'm going to Muline" i think i heard him mutter....

But the most successful team member of the day was Pleb who smashed her way through the finals and finished first. Not bad for a chick I suppose. With a score after the pump fest that would have qualified her for the mens finals, the setters were busy adjusting the finals problems last minute to make them harder, but to no avail. Pleb flashed them all bar the last and hardest one, where she flashed up to the second last move, but still well and truly enough to take out first place. This goes a little way to make up for the woeful contribution to the A-Team Easter ticklist.

Katie 'KB' Brown was even coaxed out of the house for the day and made an appearance. In between sit down sessions on the floor, and the occasional intense, nightmare flashbacks of World Cups as a teenager, climbed super strong, out climbing the majority of the girls and guys competing.

Top 3 Placings:

DOODS:
1st - Mark Spoelstra
2nd - Justin Power
3rd - Josh 'Grosey' Grose

CHIX:
1st - Andrea 'Pleb' Hah
2nd - Ashlee Hendy
3rd - Louisa Iacono

Scandalous pics and XXX LIVE WEBCAM VIDEO to follow.

Have fun. Be safe. Mash the fat.