Yup! Its Barry here. Back in cyberspace and ready to stir some shit once more! So where have I been of late you ask? PATHETIC! You're barely worthy of a response to that question to be honest! There you are, sitting back with a glass of red wine, a pair of slippers donned, waiting for your onions to caramelize like those completely hopeless, douchebag "cooks" on Masterchef do, all the while I've been working my ass off trying to get the few climbers out there man enough to brave the cold STRONG!
Thats a good thing right? The state of Victorian is in good hands at least over the winter hibernation period for all the sooks out there who deem it "too cold" to be training. BULLSHIT is say! This, my devout followers of the wood, is primo conditions for acheiving them all imporant training goals! Yet SOME out there, like the originators of this blog, believe otherwise, and have take up defence with some pretty poor excuses as to why they aren't smashing the wood like good little lumberjacks.
Grosey has been a cunning little bastard about it, and put in a lot of ground work with his "injury". I know the truth man. My cuz Eddie the Edge has been feeding me facts, Iran style. For the last 6 weeks, this punter has been complaining of a sore finger. Even going as far as failing on the warmup problems due to "pain"......sounds like a Gay Dave calf pump excuse to me punk! Maybe I should make you the new Douchbag of the month! Alas, word on the wood is that Grosey has been secretly training his 8a dead hangs at home. Conveniant! Safely hidden from the public, the occasional hang in between high scores on Wii Bowling is no training regime chump!
Now, Big Al. That skinny ass wannabe is always out there putting on a smile, not a care in the world. Seems to be doing a lot more socialising these last few weeks and not much climbing. Apparently, he's been "working" too much to train. Harden the F*** up pal! I'm hard at work all damn day trying to turn you pathetic boys into real men! Though, thats a bit of a tough ask when working with a sally like yourself! Wally the Wall (aka Wall of Justice) let me in on the scoop too my wood squeezing friends.... Big Al and Grosey totally set up that shot of Al training on the wood. Wally reckons he nearly caught on fire, given the heat from the inferno raging in the 44 gallon drum just out of shot! Plus Al could never pull that 'ard. Them boney arms are only good for hitting people in the face when falling off boulder problems!
And last but not least, Philby! The one with a woolen jumper permantly growing on his chest and arms, this so called "man" should have no excuses! Yet whats this I hear about a back injury? Again with the injury excuses! And one that even a two year old could see through. Its that those little fingers of yours have poor circulation huh? Rumour has it you you used said excuse the other weekend to not train, and instead headed towards the beach of all places looking to oil up get a tan! Newflash for you muppet! The sun don't shine in winter.... Just wood!
Then we have Sutter breaking his own foot with a rock to get out of winter training. Chris Ticknor "going home" back to the US, just as the frosts are arriving. Pleb is apparently climbing in Europe over our winter, but I have it on good authority that she's splitting her time between cheese, baguets and wine in provincial France, and hardcore Trance clubs in Berlin..... the latter of which, I'm OK with.....just.
But to those of you who have a pair and remain loyal to the wood in the coldest of times, I will reward you with the strength to smash those ming'n crimps on that desperate project of yours come spring time. Like Ultratune, I GUARANTEE IT.
Wood out.
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