Douchebag of the Month - September

'Allo 'allo,

It is time for this month's coverted 'Douchebag of the Month' award. It has been ages since we have handed this one out, last being Gay Dave a couple years.

Without much futher ado, the award goes to.......................................

Big Al!!!

Nice one mate, we new you had it in you all along. You had this one in the bag when you stylishly (as always), ditched your car in a ravine. Oh should I say put your car in a ditch while driving out from the ravine.

Either way you put it, Al was bogged good and proper. With no practical way out, Al managed to wave down a passing farmer using only the whites of his upper thighs. Thank goodness most olive farmers are quite partial to such delights. Next morning the Suby was pulled out by a Big Tractor and a 30 meter snatch strap. OH how homoerotic!

Check out Al's pictures below. xxx

These boys didn't get the 'Smoke is Bad' Memo!

Yeah, Al's car is so bogged it has started growing roots!!


- Grosey

Just Another Blogpost

Welcome back to another installment of the CoC blog, sure to be a brilliantly biased blurb coupled with belittling banter, henceforth to be besieged by bitching bitches who wouldn’t know a brontosaurs from a bullfrog and spend all their time bantering like buffoons with a mouth full of ballsack in internet forums... For the record: 8a=29=HVSexplanation=5.13dx^2 x 45% of your vertical height/BMI ratio...
Moving on.

After yet another controversial blog post by the man with no brain-to-mouth filtering mechanism, I felt I better keep this one simple. There has been a fair bit happening over the past few weeks. Spring has arrived, the days are slowly warming up and there seems to be more and more people in the campgrounds. I like to call them the “fair weather climbers”. You know the type, they only get away when the temp is between 18-25 degrees, with a light south-south westerly breeze, no more than 45.875654% humidity and their horoscope tells them that they are living a life less ordinary wanking away on plastic in the gym.

The reason I bring this up is that I recently competed in my first ever comp. I finished equal 4th and was pretty happy with that. I can’t say I overly enjoyed the experience, if anything at least I had a decent training session. I think I’ll stick with route setting in future, way more fun! What astounded me though were the results. There were a lot of very strong climbers in the comp, but I rarely, if ever, see these guys out on the rock. I have to admit, watching the eventual winner of the comp literally hike his way up everything he tried, I sat there pondering what I could do with all that power? How much easier would my project feel if I could simply hang the crux hold with one hand? I wonder if I could trade him something for it seeing as he really isn’t using it? Would my old Sega master system cut it? With great power comes great responsibility Peter Parker, so god dammit use that power and go crush some shit on real rock!!

What I am trying to say is; there are a lot of super talented climbers in Melbourne who seem to only climb in the gym. Now, I am not an old timer by any means, but I remember when I started climbing there were people climbing every single weekend of the year. Freezing cold, pissing rain, 45 degrees and 98% humidity, it didn’t matter. People were just psyched to get on the rock. These days, the Melbourne climbing scene seems to have disappeared and the number of people who are psyched to head away on the weekends is a low as I can remember. It’s time people, get out of the gym, get on the blocs, get on the sharp end, take some falls and enjoy the privilege we have here in Victoria with access to some of the best climbing in the world. You might just come to realise the amazing experiences you are missing out on.


Speaking of real rock, here is some cool stuff that has happened in the past few weeks.

Tassie lad Mark Polinski was in the gramps recently leaving with a haul bag of ticks, sending routes up to 29 including a nice flash of Venom (28) and swag of boulders up to V10.

The D’laide crew have been busy on the blocs also. Big Bad Bilbo Baggins has been putting his 6’12” 250Kg frame to good use sending 100 Pound Club (V10), Race Eater Original, the cop couldn’t make it and collision course (all V9). The second strongest midget ever to visit the Grampians (after Logan Barber) JT, has been in good form also, sending Krusty and Annagrama (both V9). The enigma that is John Smith, AKA Redanon, dispatched the “Impossible, it will never go, F%$k this problem, piece of $hit” Rodeo Girl (v7/8) and the seldom repeated critical mass (V8).

The man, the myth, the cripple; Arnold Wheeler is quickly recovering from a full knee reconstruction. Knocking over a host of repeats up to V9 including a crag tick of Alby’s new Jungle Boulder. He was last seen doing some extreme top roping at Spurt wall. Pete “The Raven” Reynolds, strong as always sent the 3 star Butchers choice (V10) also. Now if we can just get him up Iceberg! Ash Hendy must be psychic and have read my mind last week, a long time gym crusher, she was last seen cruising Dial a Lama (24) and putting the draws on pretty much every route a spurt wall. Great to see her having a crack!

Still waiting to hear some news from the recent rockstar invasion, but heard on good authority that Alby’s classic “The Eagles Nest” (V8) finally got a repeat. Suspicion about the grade is rising as it seems that unless you can boulder V15 (a-la Nalle howestrongisthatkunt), it’s impossible.

The crag kids team AKA the “Red-Caps” comprising Toby Polcap and the Kent “Red duck” Paterson have also been firing. The duck sent Serpentine packing last weekend and also cleaned up the last of his VD land projects. They also made a coup ascent of the classic Archimedes principle (26). Toby polcapper has clearly been eating too many pies as he managed to completely rip of the finishing dyno flake on Le petit mort at the Gallery, nearly severing his leg in the process.

As for me, I am proving myself to be the king of the “almost Send” at the moment. Over the weekend I managed to fall of the last hard move of both Fabios Route (29) and my soon to be classic Mt Zero project Rhythmic Pumper (Probably 29). As frustrated as I was, I know I have to stay positive, after all, I got a new highpoint on both routes, refined some beta and I know they will both go down soon. It’s just a matter of time. In the meantime it’s back to the gym, but only until the weekend.

See you out there!

Still here....

G'day dear readers. Again it's been some time since my last post. I know that you have been logging in here over the past couple of months. Eager to read more of about what has been going on in our little world, yet signing out only partly satiated. My apologies.....I have been otherwise occupied.

Philby, only a few days ago sent me a text message. This is not all that unusual, however the content of said message made me feel a little uneasy. I had been reminded of my lack of CoC posts of late and in particular the omission of a promised trip report from my adventure in Rocklands. My enlightenment was slightly soured by the realisation I had been back in Melbourne for close on 6 weeks, and in this time had done little more than work and drink too much alcohol.

Why had I not been climbing? Why had I not posted any news of my trip?

Well I can partly answer these two questions with the one response. At the end of my trip in South Africa, 3 days before I was to fly back to Melbourne, I sustained a trip ending injury. I was attempting a problem called El Corazon, made famous by D. Woods FA on the Progression video. Long story short (short story long in upcoming report) I completely  ruptured the A4 pulley of my right ring finger. Before you mumble away doubting the injury as it is an unlikely ligament to strain/rupture, I have the pain and scans to prove it. Not to mention the audible popping 10 of us heard on the day. This injury has since been cause to stay away from climbing for a while. I was in top shape, climbing well I thought, so it was a cruel end to an otherwise awesome trip. This hiatus also included inter web dwelling (of the climbing kind - porn is still fine) and hence had not bothered to write anything up.

The second part of my response is a little more contentious and directly relates to why I have avoided a blog that I hold dear. Not long before I travelled overseas, I had posted an update of my past 12 months or so. If you didn't read it, think of it as an '80's style teen montage, where the dorky would be hero paints his billy cart and lubes up the hubs before impressing the girl etc etc. In this post, I made mention of my training schedule that had helped before the State Titles and preparing for Rocklands. While not a supreme athlete in any sense of the word, some people may have found what I was talking about of interest. Perhaps this is because not a lot of Melbourne climbers have any idea about structured training, or it could be the fact I have great hair and look good without a shirt on.....I'm at a loss.

Either way, I mentioned that I had been traveling down to Bayside Rock in Carrum, a trip that takes up to 90 minutes if I leave from work where I had already been for 10 or more hours. Crazy perhaps, but all for good reasons that have since been removed from my entry while I was away. I am not going to repeat what I wrote at that time verbatim, there is no point. However what I did do was to critique a gym in Melbourne that I have had a long standing relationship with; being involved in its construction, an employee and ultimately spending countless hours training there. I use the word 'gym' but I could easily substitute it with "product", "service" or "brand", all terms loaded with a sense of public exposure. My critique was of the end result the public can utilise, and NOT as some may have believed a personal attack on the owner of said gym.

That said I will not apologise for opinions that I have more than once expressed personally to this particular individual as both employee and later as a customer. In fact the idea these opinions, which I made public so as to help improve the gym, have caused such a stir propels me to stand by them all the more. If the creators or owners of products and services did not value public opinion and as an extension criticism there would be no need for online surveys, product testing and other forms of market research. They know the importance of feedback, both the good and the bad. For without this information, their products or services cannot hope to be improved, or to meet standards held by the public.

As you may have gathered, and individual took this feedback of their gym (a public entity) as slander, as though it was a personal attack. As a result I have been informed (by a 3rd party) that I'm no longer welcome at this gym - I hadn't trained there in perhaps 12 months anyway. It also caused enough consternation among the members of the A-Team still in Melbourne, that it was deemed necessary to remove the blaspheming material. This my dear friends was rather off putting and may be why I have been hesitant to blog of late. Phil and Al were only minimising the damage potential, however this throws mud in the face of why we had a blog in the first place......to have a laugh, share our views of the Melbourne scene, enlighten the public of news that goes under the radar and of course, stir up shit. I dont remember awarding Gay Dave the Douchebag of the Month for falling out of a cheatbar because of calf failure being deemed an offence or a personal attack. Yes more tongue in cheek than my opinions of a gym, but far more personal.
Alas I am rambling and ranting.......maybe I'm just getting back into the groove.

So back to the present. I will endevour to read through a journal I kept from my Rocklands trip and once I have digested that I will post up some sort of rant about how good it was. It was really fucking awesome by the way. It will be another month or so before I am going to consider testing the finger out.In the mean time might start hitting the kettlebell and rings, break out the drill and bolts and get back into it. Or I could just have another beer.

In other news, Dave Graham and Nalle HowthefuckIspellhisnameAL? were in the Grampians. Awesome. I didn't meet them or chase them around like a star fucker puppy dog either. That all said, I'm very impressed that they did some significant walking and exploring in search of new boulders. Hopefully the projects they completed and found can spur on the Melburn Massive a little this spring. Rowan 'Rosey' Druce has taken some time off work, and has been in the Grampians of late. He has bouldered up a storm, repeating some of Al's, stating they are some of the best in the area. Most notable of his trip though was a repeat of PUNKS INTHA GYM 32......Awesome work mate!! Another local mutant, James Kassay has repeated the WHEEL OF LIFE V16, This is highly off tap if I can continue in my now excited spray gangsta talk. James is now the 4th person to sign his name in the leather bound book at the cave's exit. Some may say 'its about time' I say shut up that thing is hard, and I took him a lot of physical and I dare say mental effort. Those things get done when they are ready, not when they are about time.....does that make sense? If not that is okay with me as I'm now cross eyed and ready for bed. Nice work Jimmy K - make sure you keep an eye out for his new underwear line coming to an arse near you.

Peace out -

Grosey

Steel on Steel

Another one

Easter Bouldering Vid

Thought I'd upload this here for those who missed it on facebook.

Spring has arrived!

Well! What a stretch of fantastic weather it has been! All of last week I awoke to beautiful blue skies and gallahs screeching away at Stapylton Campground. Each morning I would rouse from my car, put on the coffee, and smile. I pretty much had 7 days of this, aside from one cold cloudy morning and one night spent at Arnies Acres. I wont bore you with every minor details of the week as each day was something different, be it sending some new boulders, trad climbering while Josh was bolting, bush bashing and exploring or spending a great day with rad people climbing easy sport routes at the Sun Deck. Every day was a fresh injection of a different reason to go climbing. Damn it sucked when the week came to a close.

Anyway, my time away was spent with some pretty cool people at various points. Joshy and our mate Tim Nelson came up for a couple of days of taking photos and hanging out to begin with. Arnie made an appearance too camping with us for a couple of nights. 6 weeks after a knee reconstruction and the old master is already back out climbing. We both had a lovely day out at the Sun Deck climbing a whole heap of suprisingly fun sport routes. Each route when climbed was proclaimed to the pick of the day, until the next one was. Joining us were some awesome folk from Sydney. Ren and Meg, and Rowan and Jules. It was a pleasure to get to share coffee in the mornings and beer of an evening with these guys for the week. Old mate May and new mate Blake rolled into Ararat on the bus for a few days, then ole' blighty Tom Haigh appeared at the end of the week.

I finished off a couple of projects at the new boulder I found, now dubbed the 'Jungle Boulder'. Below is a quick topo I drew up on paint.

To find this cool wall, walk up the tourist track past Trackside. When you get to the Butchers Choice Boulder, continue along the track for approx. 100m. When you get to a small boulder in the middle of the path with a yellow triangle painted, look left. You should be able to see the back side of the boulder, which is a big slab. I've also built a little cairn here and a little path.

Conga Fury V8, sit starts with left hand low on arete and right on a rad crimpy pinch in the face. Hug and slap your way to the top!

Liza Machete V7, starts low, right hand on big high edge and left hand in slopey seam. Pounce to the pocket and topout left.

Steak Knife V1, stand starts in pocket and traverses the lip to a funky rollover manouver.

Inca Steppa, V9, starts low with obvious left hand edge and small right edge. Gastons, sidepulls, and front stepping is the dish served up here.

Above: Me almost exploding my brain on an attempt at Inca Steppa V9 (Photo: Tim Nelson)

So, whats next? Well I'm booked out with other stuff for the next few weeks, so it will just be a whole lot of training. Uni assigments are coming thick and fast too, so I better get them sorted. And its just hit spring! So time to put the pad under the bed and get the rope out for some routes! The hype is still up on Punks. Rowan knocked it off the other day, so psyche has built again. Had a crack at Bossanova on Afterglow wall too. Man it felt good to be doing a lot of moves in a row again, and getting some air time lol.

I think thats it. I can't find my phone which has some more photos on it. When I do I will upload them. Now though, its back to studying organic chemistry nomenclature for tomorrows test......

-TheBigAl